So my whole year for English is on American literature, and we read a sermon by a Puritan stating that you'll all go to hell because during the time it was written and presented, alot of people were looking to science for answers moreso than religion. And what we got to do was write our own sermon about a topic of our choice and present it. I went with fast food and I got a 100 on both the sermon and presentation. 8D Anyways, here's the sermon: You sloths, you pigs! Your deep-fried doom is nigh! Continue to worship the false gods that are these greasy, dirty fast-food chains and you will surely suffer a fate far worse than burning in the pits of hell. Although you may not feel anything immediately, your body will bloat to the size of a blimp. Your man-boobs will stretch farther than a bungee and the underside of both your man-boobs and stomach will become a lost-and-found and small animals that get trapped underneath that disgusting lard suffocate from both the stench and the weight of the fat weighing down on it. Your sex life will diminish to nothingness. You will no longer have the ability to do the deed nor will anybody want to. You will also no longer be able to find your peter under layers of fat but then again, no one will want you to locate it either. You will become confined to the couch, the TV being your only solace and friend. However, you will eventually become frustrated with the TV. First, you will lose the remote inside the couch, and because you’ve become the lazy oaf that you are, you won’t get up and change the channel or try to find the remote. Then, your arse will have an excruciating pain because the remote is lodged in it. What sort of life is worth living if you do nothing but sit around eating Cheetos? So redemption is the only choice! Fix you your life style, and maybe you won’t end up a flabby mess.
Well, thank you. My intention was to spoof the sermon I originally read and the assignment in general. I do believe I attained that goal.
this was rather disgusting, in a comedy kind of way. so i think it serves it's purpose. the "deed" that's a nice way of putting it XD.
You sloths, you pigs! Your deep-fried doom is nigh! Continue to worship the false gods that are these greasy, dirty fast-food chains and you will surely suffer a fate far worse than burning in the pits of hell. Although you may not feel anything immediately, your body will bloat to the size of a blimp. Your man-boobs will stretch farther than a bungee and the underside of both your man-boobs and stomach will become a lost-and-found and small animals that get trapped underneath that disgusting lard suffocate from both the stench and the weight of the fat weighing down on it. ^Funny, but try breaking it up. Your sex life will diminish to nothingness. You will no longer have the ability to do the deed nor will anybody want to. You will also no longer be able to find your Peter wow under layers of fat but then again, no one will want you to locate it either. You will become confined to the couch, the TV being your only solace and friend. However, you will eventually become frustrated with the TV. First, you will lose the remote inside the couch, and because you’ve become the lazy oaf that you are, you won’t get up and change the channel or try to find the remote. Then, your arse will have an excruciating pain because the remote is lodged in it. What sort of life is worth living if you do nothing but sit around eating Cheetos? So redemption is the only choice! Fix you your life style, and maybe you won’t end up a flabby mess. Ummm...for this begin a mockery, it fits. I laughed throughout this, but i'm not sure what other critique I can give other than it's filled with wit and you seemed to have embodied the original sermon to have been able to channel it.
