So i wrote a song... recently, and it's based off of a relationship that I have with someone very special to me, but we're not exactly a thing, nor have we ever been, but I love him, and he knows, an dI can't get over him no matter how hard I try. I would love some constructive criticism, please. I have music for it on my bass as well, but I don't have a video. i could try to make one, but really I just want some criticism on the words. Sitting alone let’s not make small talk Come sit on the bed with me I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, behavior’s a mystery Laying with legs tangled I wonder about you And whatever it’s okay, I’m fine without you Better off without you [Chorus:] Where are you tonight When I think of you do you think of me too This breaks my heart I’d give anything for this one to be you Can’t go another night Without you I get up without him, leave him my hotel key Another mistake, not gonna wait for him to remember me Walk swiftly to my car Head to another bar to drink you away I’m better off without you Leaving you was right You were always on my mind I was getting too close, now I’m miserable Better than staying Thank you for playing Now the game’s over And I’m the one who lost Where are you tonight When I think of you do you think of me too This breaks my heart I’d give anything just to see you Can’t go another night Can’t stand another night Without you Without you
The thing with lyrics is that I can't quite seem to judge them without knowing the rhythm that's supposed to accompany them. Nevertheless, I liked what I read and I think you pour a lot of emotion in this without sounding "Pity me plz". Your listeners will appreciate that, as does this reader.
