The following is a true story about me using kingdom hearts 2 charecter names. Day 1: I woke up felling like i was hit by a bus.... My mom kept yelling at me to get and my lights were on. i sat up and looked around.... ugh i groaned i got and dressed ate and went to the bus stop there i skated for a few minutes and got laughed at got harrased by Siefers gang, a basic morning. One cramped bus ride later and i was at school, the day went by fast, i fail my spainish quiz and forgot my homework for math and history... but Gym was probably the worst part of the day. Now don't think just cuz i said that i'm fat or lazy. i was jogging with Hayner, Pence, and Olletta(?) when Siefer made his move, her came up and said, "move your *** Roxas" and shoved me to the ground. "hey" I protested Siefer ignored me and made a move at olletta "hey babe hows about a date with me. "back off!" hayer said he tried to punch siefer in the face siefer knocked him down and tried again. "lets go out sometime babe" I jumped up and said "shes not into you jerk!" then Siefer lost his cool and punched my face. my nose ached but didn't bleed. i yelped and without think punched him I musta nail him pretty hard cuz he fell down. when i look up Pence and Olletta had already left, i stuck my hand out to help hayner, "thanks but i didn't need your help!" he said slapping my hand away. he walked off as a tear trickled down my face as my nose began to bleed.
Moved to main section of Creativity, Im sorry but it can't go in Original Works unless everything is yours :3 You should use a spell and grammar check. Did you type this up in a processor or Word first? I advise you do, there are lots of spelling mistakes such as "felling" and "harrased" that could be easily corrected. A good writer never uses slang, remember that. "Cuz" is not a worthy replacement of "because", Im afraid. Also, avoid using things like "nail him pretty hard"- a lot of people probably won't know what on earth you're talking about. =P Just so you know, it's "Olette". This needs revising, if you wish to neaten it up then I shall give the actual story some critique. :3
I believe that since this is a diary, the slang is actually permitted. The same thing goes with first person writing. I'm sure that no one likes to read it(unless used in a perfected manner), but I'm pretty sure it can stay. As for making this neater, yes, please do. It's not very understandable like that.
i get what your going at, but I'm pretty sure people know what cuz is, and yeah i'm gonna run my next entry through a spell check
