“yawwwn” Roxas awoke from his room on a Sunday afternoon. “Another dream about him…” thought Roxas, “That’s the fifth straight night.” Then he got up and started going down to Saix for his mission. He ran into Xion, No. XIV “Morning Xion,” “Good morning Roxas,” Xion replied, “ready for today’s mission?” “Ughhh. Don’t remind me.” “That’s not the kind of attitude you should have toward the missions, since they’ll help us become complete” “Lemme guess,” said Roxas, “Saix said that.” “You’d have known that if you weren’t snoozing through the meetings.” “Well, I gotta get to it. See you at the Clock Tower.” “Bye Roxas.” Roxas walked into the room, then departed on a mission to Twilight Town to collect hearts with Axel. They went through most of the town, then found a HUGE hole in the wall, leading towards trees and darkness. They continued to find their selves at a mansion. Roxas examined the mansion. He saw a girl in the window, blonde hair, blue eyes, and a white dress. He was staring at the window, even after she left. “……and that’s how I found out about Sea-salt ice cream, ok Roxas? Earth to Roxas!” Axel had just finished a story. He smacked Roxas aside the head. “Ow? What was that for!?” Roxas snapped. “You were in some kind of daze, staring up at the mansion. We should RTC.” “Yeah, ok Axel.” They then RTC’d after eating ice cream with Xion. After they got back, Roxas went to his room and shut his door. “Who was she? Why was she there? Why am I asking myself?” Roxas had so many questions. He got to bed and hoped for another mission to Twilight Town in the morning. _________________________________________________________ Roxas awoke around the same time as yesterday, but had a different dream; About the blonde girl he saw yesterday. he got into his robe, and went down to Saix, who told him his mission. “You will go to Twilight Town alone today to collect hearts. Go Prepared.” “Yes sir…” This was exactly what Roxas’ had hoped for. He could go down to the mansion after the mission to meet the girl that was driving him crazy. With that, he set off. He went down to Twilight Town to find the girl, but she was surrounded by heartless. “H-help!” yelled the girl. “I’m coming!” yelled Roxas. He fought just to protect her; like she was a part of him. After he finished them off, he went to the girl, who was trembling in the corner of the gate. “Y-…you saved me. Thank you.” Said the girl, “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Namine.” “Nice to meet you, I’m Roxas.” “Nice to meet you too.” “Well, I have to go. Bye” “Bye.” Namine replied. As Roxas walked away he thought,”Namine……huh.” After Ice Cream con Axel and Xion, he went back to his room. “I finally know her name,” he thought to himself. He then went to sleep.
I can describe this story in one line- cute but too simple. I have no complaints about spelling or grammar (except a few missing pieces of punctuation within dialogue), but the storyline was sadly too predictable and like hundreds of kingdom hearts stories before it. Let the cogs of your creative mind work and get busy! :3 You could also do with using less speech and writing more description and action. Apart from that, nice start. :3
