This story is dedicated to Roxas and Namine. It happened after organization 13 found Namine and before she was given to Maluxuria. World that Never Was, White Room (where Namine always draws her stuff. I made up that room :P) Namine was sitting on her favourite chair(the only one she has :P) and drawing some pictures of the members of Organization 13. Once she finished drawing one, she would write that organization member's name below the drawing and proceed to drawing the next member. "Let's see......Xenmas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaeus, Zexion. Saix, Axel, Demyx, Luxord, Marluxia, Larxene....oh, there's only 12 of them. There one more, Roxas......." Namine said. At that moment, Larxene walks into the room, takes the drawing out of Namine's hands and says :"My, my, drawing pictures again? Don't you have anything better to do?" Namine tries to take her drawings back but fail. She says:" I don't....I draw so that i can look back at these pictures when i'm older, to remind myself of these memories..." "Hah, it's really ironic of you to say that. You say your keeping memories to remind you of them, but don't you take apart people's memories? You witch!!" Larxene taunts. At this moment Roxas enters the room and says :"Cut it out Larxene. Leave her alone." Larxene hurls the drawings back at Namine, gives Roxas a look, and leaves the room. Namine fumbles with the drawings and they drop onto the ground. As she pick up the drawings one by one, Roxas walks forward and helps her. " You must be Roxas, the Key of Destiny, right?" Namine asked. " Yeah, just call me Roxas." Roxas smiled as he replied. After he finished helping Namine, Roxas said :" We'll, I'll be seeing you around Namine." before leaving the room. Namine smiled, and began to draw Roxas. World that Never Was, Hallway outside White Room Outside, Roxas saw Larxene standing by the door. Larxene smirked before saying :" Well don't you two look like an item.""What?" Roxas asked. Larxene replied :" You and Namine.""It's nice to know that you're calling her by her real name. " Roxas retorted. He didn't wait for Larxene to say anything else. He just opened a Corridor of Darkness and walked into it. Larxene looked at the Corridor for awhile, smirked, and walked away. Chapter 1 is over. Chapter 2 will be out soon, I accept any form of criticism or praise. :P
For me, there's only 2 problems. You need just a bit more description so that it doesn't sound rushed. Make a new paragraph everytime someone else speaks. This way it's easier to tell the characters apart. That's it. =3 Keep it up! ^-^
Yeah it is good ^-^ It's pretty sweet to , but it needs more details ; ) and maybe the next chapter could be a little longer? :3
