Riddles

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you look at me, you'll pop.

(No googles please.)

 

So had a very sad childhood?

 

lol.

Incorrect! Cake or Death!?

 

Death






.

 

My first thought was an onion. Then I thought about make-up . . . Then I thought about a camera flash . . . Then fire . . .

I'll think on it some more . . .

 

*Cuts head off only to have it regen* Fuuuuuuuuuu

I may give out a few hints, if you need them.

 

Alright, after referring to science (the only thing that seems to be tying all of these things together) I came up with Chuck Norris.

Lol, no. I came up with either Time or Pressure.

. . . ?

 

Here's an easier one for those who can't figure out the first one.
HINT: The answer is not sexual in nature.

I am a wondrous creature for women in expectation, a service for neighbors.
I harm none of the citizens except my slayer alone.
My stem is erect, I stand up in bed, hairy somewhere down below.
A very comely peasant's daughter, dares sometimes, proud maiden,
That she grips at me, attacks me in my redness
Plunders my head, confines me in a stronghold
Feels my encounter directly, woman with braided hair. Wet be that eye.

 

Oh! Can I do one too?

-1: What is broken as soon as you say it?

-2: He who builds it, doesn't need it
He who needs it, doesn't want it
He who uses it, never sees it.

What is it?

 

Seriously


Curse my dirty mind.

 

-1. An iPad

-2. A coffin.

 

-1: No.

-2: Right.

 

-1. Ah, you're right. It's the sentence, "Hey, let's go to the Apple Store to buy an iPad." (My real guess is silence. I just like bashing Apple)

-2. Awesome. Now can you try to solve mine?

 

Saxi is correct. Here, have a-

Spoiler

http://rlv.zcache.com/congratulations_you_win_the_internet_postcard-p2398699835640948757onr_325.jpg

 

Kills the bad ones
And the sad ones
tightens to fit
so one size fits all!

 

Noose? I think that may be it......

 

Correct .

 

A rose. ____________

 

He who smelt it, dealt it,
He who denied it, supplied it,
What am I?

I'm stealing a previous answer: Onion.