Poem by me :D

Ok...well this is a poem I wrote years ago,when I was 10 :D
So its pretty bad.
Just a warning :/

You
Black hair,green eyes
As green as the trees are high
Loud laugh,warm smile
Burning as bright as fire
Watching me,grinning
Your the only one I trust
And through everything
Through all the years
You have always been just.
Just yourself,here for me,
Until the skys burn red
Just yourself,you will always be
Until we both are dead

 

I don't think it's bad at all. I have one complaint though, the line

Burning as bright as fire

I would change it to

Burning bright as fire, it feels like it flows better =)

I fail to believe you wrote it at the age of 10 though, because very few 10 year olds write "Until we both are dead" in a Poem ;p

But I liked it though, it's honest and I find that to be an important thing in poetry.

 

Thank you!!

and about this^^
I did write this aged 10 :D
I was a very deep 10 year old.....xD

 

I quite like it. xD;; It seems you were a very deep ten year old.

 

Not bad at all, simple (although for a 10 year old not so simple) yet very good. It does has this innocent feeling though, which isn't a bad thing at all. Really, if I were you I'd consider writing new stuff :)

 

Hmmm...Your poem ended in what seems to be an unintentionally dark note.
That aside, this is a really impressive piece for the age at which it was written.