I asked my friend last night about this. I was sleeping over her house after a Halloween party and I asked her, "Would you be mad at me if I died? If I went after that guy who used to beat me, tore apart my family, and killed him and then myself?" You're probably wondering what I am even talking about. A long time ago, probably two years ago, they had the divorce. I'll start from the beginning. My mom divorced my dad for this guy, Don MacKay. He's over 50 now, 50 when I knew him. He taught martial arts to me when I was younger, nice guy and all. Well, I thought so anyway. Here, this guy, was teaching women on how to protect themselves but was probably raping these same women. He married my mom, no doubt, he hit her a few times. They always argued. I was just there. With my brother, Rob. Anyway, he made me call him 'Papa' and I didn't know what it meant at the time, he chased off my brother at some point I learned on my own. He punched my brother when he came home late one day and my mom claimed he was trying to "Protect me." from my own brother. He turned us against each other, my grandmother no longer talked to my mom, my dad was put down from this guy. All together, he took apart my family, including chasing off my brother, abused me if I did something wrong, I flinch now and then if someone raises there hand to me, and he hit my mom a few times. I just know so. Now, we were friends. We got along really well. Sometimes we would go hiking together, and he would always carry me on his shoulders when I was tired and was nice to me, but then I realized how bad he was once I moved with my dad to get away from all the screaming in that house. I turned against him silently and lately I've been having dreams that we would fight to the death. We both loose in a way. We always end up by the waters and I drown both of us. Anyway, last night I asked my friend that question: "Would you be mad at me if I died? If I went after that guy who used to beat me, tore apart my family, and killed him and then myself?" I'm scared of my own self now.
Okay, I'm not trying to sound ridiculous, but if you do plan on killing him, join the army, go to Sniper School, graduate, buy your own long-range Sniper Rifle, assassinate him from a distant. I'm not trying to sound stupid at all, but really if you want to kill somebody, that's the way to go...just snipe his ass. That would make a really good story...(no offense)
Uhh ok then.... Maybe you should give some regular advise. Um maybe you should get a consolur, hell kitten.
Pardon me for not taking this seriously. You're thirteen. Like hell you know what killing a person is all about, let alone two. Try not to let these silly ideas get to your head so easily, okay? :)
Don't kill him. I'm thirteen too. I know what it's like to be in a tore apart family. My mom doesn't talk to her side of the family because all they do is fight with us and I am only involved with my Dad's side. He has done alot of bad things to you,your mom and your brother.He might want to trick you into liking him but I can tell you I have learned alot from my mother and her family: "When people show their true colors,believe them." I think Oprah said that.Someone who knows what they are talking about.
Don't go killing him, it's a rather foolish thing to do in all honesty. If you did no matter if you died or not you'd be throwing your entire life away. Life is precious, don't waste your's by ending someone else's. Though the idea of seeing a councillor or a therapist may be a wise one. Seriously considering killing people or having reoccuring dreams of killing the same person is never a good thing. It'd pay to just get your emotions out in the open.
What you are feeling is rather normal, but there are times when emotions should be dealt with and well, put to rest. I hated my mother at 13 years of age especially since she used to beat the hell out of me and mistreat me to the point sometimes I was taken to the hospital for stitches and other times I would just hide my wounds from others. I was so apathetic to things I had been dealing with since age 3 that I just accepted things until 13, when I became filled with rage and pondered some serious thoughts that would put an end to her and me. I don't feel it was unhealthy to do so, given the circumstances. However, it did teach me some lessons of life. My dad, who worked a lot and wasn't home for the abuse, and well, sometimes caused the strain in the first place by ticking her off and leaving when she was mad; was ever oblivious. The solution for me came that I should just stand up for myself and not accept the abuse. I went out and did things to get away from her and learned to appreciate myself more because I did have a rather sucky self-esteem at the time. What I suggest is that you understand that you have a right to be angry, but it is important to deal with that anger in the right way. You need a good solution, which basically if you are living with your own father now (if I understand things correctly), so you are already on your way to making things better. Is your brother also there with you? Maybe you should talk to him and try to work things out with him and also your dad. Bring that side of your family together more. Also, sometime you may want to talk to your mom and explain that you do not appreciate what that man did to you and your brother and let her hear it. You may have to take considerable effort with this to get her to understand in flat terms that you 'don't like the guy and feel he's ruined a lot for the family'. Your mom and dad probably had problems in their marriage for her to decide to up and leave him so I wouldn't totally blame this guy for separating your family. However, she's foolish to stay with a guy that abuses her, let alone abuses her children and ostracizes one, which is your brother. Basically, take this anger energy and try to work it in a constructive manner, which is to try to get you, your brother and dad talking and working to get over things and removing this guy from your life. Also, explaining to your mom that this guy is trash and that you do not accept him as a member of the family any longer will make her have to make some choices and see that if she wants connection to you and your brother anymore, that she leaves her baggage (him) at home when she comes to see you. I hope this helps as I've been through it and learned to turn rage into something that wouldn't wind my ass in jail quite a few times. You've been through a lot, but you can work with what you have and well, perhaps get the rest of your family on the right track and moving forward so that this idiot becomes a thing of the past. You'll have the scars to carry but also some wisdom that will be attained and you can recognize abusive men before hopefully you'd get hurt. You also probably would never let some guy abuse your future children because of it and recognize the signs. Good luck to you and I hope things get better for you. If this doesn't help you out, I would ask your father to go see a counselor because sometimes emotions like this are very hard to contend with. Whether you can resolve this yourself and family, or need some help to deal with this rage, know that you will be a stronger person if you do the right thing here.
