I have severe anxiety about school and everything. I need to be isolated after school. Pasting on a fake smile and pretending like things are okay around my friends is tiring. School's stressful enough with everyone always picking at the little things I do. Even if I don't tell them, they make up wild accusations and I know I shouldn't let them bother me, but they do. My parents expect me to do all this stuff when I feel like I should crawl into a hole. Even today I came home with a really bad headache and now I can't eat. I tried to fix these things on my own but it seems like everytime I try to address the situation I just make it worse. Especially with my friends. I just can't socialize like a normal person and I'm worried it's pushing them over the edge, either that or me. I really don't know what I'm asking; advice, a solution to something, or maybe just someone to tell me I'm being an idiot. But some help would be nice.
It's like impossible for anyone to not let something get to them... Just some take it better than others. This doesn't mean anyone who doesn't take it well is pathetic or anything. And being normal is over-rated. In fact, personally, I don't think there is such a thing as normal. Everyone is different, and what people consider normal seems like trends, one second something you do can be normal and the next it's weird. There's no pleasing the 'norms.' I'd like to say screw them and be happy with yourself, but that is beyond easier said than done. Still can works towards that. Hmm...Remember once when a rumor I had lice started and that I had a diease you can get on contact went around. It went far as to when I touched someone's planner cause they forgot that the person wiped down the covers... My point being is that it'd hurt, just got to push through it... Say nothing and they'll go to a new rumor. May take a while before they actually stop completely and move on. I also faked being happy... I kind of feel better when I just stop faking it every now and then. If you don't want to cause people will ask you what's wrong you have the option of just not telling them. Iunno... I hope this helps even just a little.
Let's tackles this one at a time: It sounds to me like everyone around you does love you, but they just have really funny ways of showing it. Like with your friends, how they make "assumptions" about what's going on in your life. You need to let them in once in a while because it seems like they want to help you. I've done the tough act (and I still do it, though I don't know why) but there has to be a time where you just say enough and allow someone in. Being tough will get you nowhere if it costs you your sanity. Now, you're parents/home life. You just have to make the best with what you got. I know, parents can be annoying, but they do have something instilled in them that says "my kid's in touble and I want to help". It seems that you're trying to be strong because you're not happy, or your not satisfied with your life. Please, try something new, change up something in your life. If there is something making you unhappy, you should change it. And, for my final thought, when all seems bleak in life and there's nowhere else to run, there's always hope.
What part of school is making you anxious in particular? Is it a rational fear? If so, is there anything you can do to fix it, or otherwise lessen it? How come? Why do you keep doing it? They're your friends. Ask one of them to help you out, or at least listen to you vent. If you can't do that, then they may not even be worth pasting on a smile for. Even so, you consider them important enough to make the effort of pretending in front of. Can I have a bit more information on this one please? Depending on how bad it is, the trick may be just to stop caring. Set yourself a long-term goal. Something you care about more than anything else. Then, when something bothers you, just run the thought "Does this impede my goal in any way?" through your mind. If not, then it's not worth worrying about at all, as it won't interfere with what you want most. What are their expectations of you? Are they unreasonable? Why are you trying to meet their expectations? The headache I can't help with. Take some painkillers or something. Water's good too. Eating, on the other hand, is easy. You take food, put it into your mouth, chew, and swallow. It may sound simple, and that's because it is. Even if you're not in the mood for it, that's all it takes. More detail please. You'll start to get what you want when you know what you want. Until then, very little will change.
I don't think you are being an idiot at all... We all succumb to the many pressures and trials that life throws at us, and we all deal with such things in our own way. Eventually we reach a stage where we cannot take it anymore. At that time, even when you feel like there aren't any people you can rely on, there really is. You aren't ever alone. Do consider sharing with someone you are close to, even if it's just one person. Confiding in someone can be just the thing to help anyone. I mean, asking for help on an online forum is all well and good. And obviously, we want to help. But help we give won't compare to the help that someone close to you, who knows you personally, can be there for you more than we can, can give. If you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, then let someone else share that weight. After all, you may be worried about weighing them down, but I'm sure they would prefer that in place of seeing you suffer by yourself. If you feel like talking more personally, feel free to drop me a PM or something. :/ Stay strong Dudette.
Well about school, P, I would call it a rational fear because I was born and practically raised anti-social. I can't talk to people and doing so, even though I don't want to, takes a lot of energy I don't have. And the fact that I'm sure our school is trying to slowly murder everyone by slowly turning down and eventually off the heat so we all freeze to death. And that everything is so cramped that even the slightest claustraphobia acts up just walking through the hallways. The isolation after school is so I can calm down. About my friends. I have to, they expect me to be happy so they can be happy. We all revolve around eachother's moods. If I stop smiling, they poke at me and just like this is all titled, call me pathetic for not being able to handle all this. They're one in a milliion type of people and we all do the same to each and every one of them but it gets hard to deal with if you feel this way every day. They smile for me and I smile for them. Well the everyone making accusations started way back when I read 'His Dark Matierials' by Philip Pullman. They called me aethiest just because apparently the author is. Back then, I ended up snapping and lashing out at the first person to start it. Recently it's been about a lot of my personal problems that I'm trying to deal with. I don't know how they came to know about them, so I assume a friend I'm not very close with told all her friends about it. I've ignored them to a point where they use this to attack me when I try to point out that they're wrong about a class related subject. They've brought it into the classroom and I can't do a thing about it. My parents...they expect me to do perfectly in school and be involved in everything. It is unreasonable because when I get a B on my report card they freak out where some parents would be happy. I know I'm usually an A student, but a B just means the damn school is doing there job and challenging students. it doesn't mean I'm slacking or being a bad student, hell I drive on into the night for school subjects. I have to meet their expectations, P, or else I'm punished for stuff I can't control. Very funny P. But with this headache, I physically couldn't stand to be in the same room as food. I threw up my breakfast this morning and mom let me stay home.
Well, you can do what I did, and that is use an online schooling program like I do. Now, of course, there are some downsides, like being isolated from people other than your household family, but (and I don't mean to sound like a jerk or anything, and I apologize if it comes out that way) it doesn't seem like that's one of your biggest worries. I had similar problems at my previous school, and since I started using this program, I feel so much better about getting up in the morning and A.Doing schoolwork in the comfort of my home, and B.Not having to deal with other people's idiotic behavior. If you don't want to take this path, that's fine. I'm just saying it helped me out quite a bit.
