It's weird, I randomly found something I had to write for English a while ago. The criteria was "write a short description of a bus-full of passengers when the bus has stopped halfway". Yeah, it was odd. I thought I'd post it here though. You weren't allowed to make the piece a narrative. ~ Once again, the bus had stopped. The passengers onboard shifted anxiously in their seats, craning their necks to see what had caused the stop. Outside, winter's icy claws had enveloped the land in a cold mist, and the breath of small children against the windows of the bus caused the glass to fog. Babies gurgled, too young to understand the situation but old enough to feel the chill. The sound of impatient tapping of fingers on wood filled the air and those with keen noses could smell the distinct aroma of petrol. The engine of the bus chugged on, the vehicles bright coat of red paint making it a secluded beacon in the mist. Elderly men coughed and sneezed in their seats, haunted by a January cold and clutching at their tattered coats. Near the back of the bus, a group of enigmatic teenagers huddled- their faces hidden by hoods. Each person onboard was different, united only by their frustration over the now visible road works. It was fast approaching noon, and a red haired woman coughed to disguise her rumbling stomach. Perhaps her wish for food was granted, as finally the bus crawled on, a red ant in a world of bitter grey. The passengers shared a sigh of relief. Yep, I hardly think it's the most exciting thing you've ever read xD This was working on imagery, mostly.
I enjoyed reading this, and the descriptions are rather...Vivid? I think that's the right word to describe them anyway, but they are certainly well written and thought-out. One thing I must say, is that the ending sentence seems out-of-place, if you understand what I mean. It doesn't seem like it should be on its own, but accompanied by another fragment, rather than being one on its own. I'm pathetic at trying to advise others on how to improve, sorry. I tried.
