So, there's this girl. We shall call her Misher for the purposes of this thread. I asked her on a date to the movies last month AND SHE SAID YES. I didn't call it a date, but I thought it was implied that it was. Then a whole bunch of things happened in life, and I was in no real mood or stability to go along with such a thing. So the month passes... And I get impatient with waiting for the movies, and confront her about it. She said she would liek to, but at the same time, these requirements have to be met: ...Waitwat? If this is done, the entire point of this being a "date" would be destroyed; it would just be another gathering of friends. While I want to tell her this, at the same time, what if I stand up for the idea of this being a date route and say something close to the following: and then things devolve into an argument? While I do want to avoid an argument, I also want to avoid having to drag people on what's supposed to be a date between her and I? And to add even more shit to the fan, on Friday, she was talking to a friend of mine (who we shall call "Ward") and it seemed that she was interested in him even though she agreed to our date last month KHV, wat do? :c
I don't see much of a big deal in going with a group. Yes, you might have intended it as a date, but if the two of you don't hang out often she may not be entirely comfortable with spending that time with you alone just yet. As for being interested in your friend, I'm sure it's a possibility, but I wouldn't really jump to conclusions. If you feel comfortable, I'd ask Ward if there's anything going on between the two of them. I'd say just follow the advice of C is the Heavenly Option, too. c: "Your girlfriend fancies your best friend, should you a) stick around with them, should you b) tell her that's just fine, or should you c) kiss her until she's mine." On the group outing, just see if you can make an impression. If she enjoys herself and so do you, try to ask her again on a more private outing. If not, oh well. You're young, there's plenty of fish in the sea.
I think you should hang out with her with a couple of friends first. Though it may not seem like a date to you if it's like that, it could help her settle into...that with you. Then, I think you should see how that goes, then contact her again if all is well and ask if she'd be cool with going somewhere with you alone. Not in a creeper way, but as a friend, help her get comfortable. If she's into your friend, she should be direct about it. Maybe when you ask her out the second time, actually voice that it's a date so she doesn't have an excuse to think otherwise and see what happens. Good luck to you, my son. You're very brave, and as Misty said, there will be others if this doesn't work out, though my blessings are with you. <3
Yeah, I think this might be the best thing. As unusual as it may seem, I've come to find that this really does accurately describe the best way to go. If course, you may want to tone that down, but the point is that your primary goal should be to become very close friends. Then start pursuing her romantically. Now of course it would be a good idea to assert your original plan, but don't try to force it.
Miscommunication is a pain. I'd suggest making your intentions clear to her, so as to avoid any future misunderstandings. The sooner you two understand what the other is thinking, the sooner some sort of resolution will be reached. So I'd recommend actually talking to her about it outright, to see whether you and her understand each other. The way you phrased it is geared towards conflict though. You've placed the blame for any miscommunication on her, and furthermore, appear impatient and forceful. Give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she's just misinterpreted what you said, and word it differently. That way you're inquiring, as opposed to interrogating, and leaving the possibility for it being a mutual misunderstanding, instead of placing the fault on her end. It's not fair to do as Keyblade Spirit is suggesting, because it's getting into a friendship with hidden motives that she's unaware of. It's building up bonds of friendship, when really, you're interested in a relationship. It's fine if you're genuinely pursuing a friendship, but if you're only using a friendship as a stepping stone to a relationship, then there's the potential for a lot of betrayed expectations on both sides. Looking from a different perspective, it seems plain silly to intentionally friendzone yourself. That's not to say you shouldn't get to know her beforehand, or that you should avoid dating friends. I'm merely advocating against going into a friendship with the intention (or worse, expectation) of a relationship. Make your motives clear. That said, know something else: everyone has an opinion on love, but not everyone's successful in it. Maintain a healthy scepticism towards everything suggested.
So, turns out, she is in fact dating Ward. Normally I wouldn't be this bad of a wreck, but considering she had accepted the movie offer thus giving me the hope that I had a chance for the first time out of a mountain of failed crushes, yeah. I'm caught between wanting to cry a storm, or doing this to her face. I personally love the second choice
Ok, she's dating your friend. TBH you likely didn't supply the right message and she didn't notice you had an interest in her. You have to be a little direct with things. I know it's very dissapointing/let down to know she's not available but pick yourself up and realise you'll find better and take a good lesson from it. You need to be quite direct with suggesting a date. "Lets go see a movie" doesn't have romantic connotations and perhaps she was single at the time but yanno. When meeting a future girl speak more along the lines of "You're really lovely, could we go do something like see a movie? me and you?" You have be a little more direct on the approach of what you want if you get me? (this is to consider in future moments with other women, she's not interested so don't be hung up over her and hoping if her and ward ends she'll fancy you...chances of getting with her are low if she's dating/dated a friend so try to learn how to move on) It's best to try to move on from Misha and let her and Ward be happy. It's easier said than done I know but eventually when you accept the fact she's not interested and theres a good few million other women out there you could get on with; the day gets a lot easier and the hope for the future comes back. I hope you recover well and swiftly x I recommend distractions with hobbies you enjoy, it always works for me.
The way I see it, there are three possible reasons that it has turned out this way. One is miscommunication, as suggested by Bubble Master Califa. She may have thought you had initially meant it as a "let's get a group of friends together to go to the movies" type of thing when you asked her. Perhaps she had assumed that you knew she was dating someone else. The second possible reason is that she was flattered by you asking her, but unfortunately she has a hard time saying no to people. Perhaps because she doesn't like to hurt people's feelings, she passed it off as a friendly gesture instead of an asking-out. The third reason is that she's a horrible person. I'm a fan of giving people the benefit of the doubt, so I'd go with possiblity #1. It effing sucks that that happened to you. :c But try to forgive at least if not forget. It's not good to eat yourself up over it.
