Need some advice for if my friend calls

She just texted me a few minutes ago. She was due to have a baby in July but her text said that she had the baby. I guess it was a preemie but I didn't wanna ask. At least not yet. She said the baby didn't make it unfortunately. I told her I was so sorry. I'm sitting here crying for her now and I don't even wanna image what she's like right now. I'd love to call her as soon as possible if she needs/wants to talk but honestly, I'm not even sure I'd be able to talk atm. And I get upset relatively easily. I can't even image how she's feeling right now. We could probably just cry on the phone together. So basically, if I call her at some point or she calls me, I'd really love some advice on what to say. I have this really bad habit of saying the wrong thing or not fully thinking about what I'm saying before I do with anything bad. I'm guessing the baby was a preemie because her text was "I had a pretty girl. She past away" but I don't feel comfortable asking her anymore info about it. Advice on what to say (if either of us will be able to talk) if/when one of us calls the other?

 

It's tragic and nothing you can say will help ease it really.

I would say, say you're there and that you'll get through this and help her as much as you can. Be there for her when you can, and listen to her if she needs it.

I hope that you both get through this sadness soon.

 

Thanks. I've already told her I'm here if she needs me and we're actually trying to set up something where we can meet and hang out again. I haven't seen her in a few months. Just wish she lived closer. I figured there wasn't much I could do but I was hoping.

 

All she can do is face the pain, as tough as it'll be, and work through it. What is crucial is at this point she needs to see hope for the future and not let the depression distort things. I've seen people who lose loved ones and see no hope left and begin putting themselves into terrible situations and wanting to end it all.

If you really can meet up, try to. In the mean time keep her talking. Be a friend she can rely on if she has no one else, and especially if your close to each other.

 

I think what got to me a bit more too, is that she's only 20. Part of me wanted to be like "well sometimes this is what happens when you're young and stupid and can barely take care of yourself as well as another tiny little life." About 2 years my friend who was about 17 at the time had a miscarriage. But at least she has her whole life ahead of her I guess and I hope she'll have another chance one day.

It might be a bit hard to meet up but we are trying. I've started driving so if nothing else, I guess it could take a few months but when I can drive on my own, I'm sure I can borrow my mom's van in the summer and drive down to see her myself. Just hope she'll be ok for that long.

 

At 20 she should've had a good birth if she was healthy and looked after herself during the pregnancy. It's not common to have a miscarriage otherwise.
And 20 is plenty enough to have a second chance in life, she has so much to live for, to do, that she shouldn't believe otherwise. She has to be strong.

If you can't see her, like I say, talk to her, be her friend and an open ear. Sometimes all we need is to know someone cares about our effed up lives in order to want to be better and get through the **** times.

Be a friend, and tell her such.

 

Up until about a month ago, I didn't have her number to talk to her so I didn't find out about her pregnancy until she was due in about 6 months. Since we weren't able to hang out because of distance, I really don't know too much. Don't know who the dad was, if she was still with him, or anything like that. I can't see her not taking care of herself. She was always telling me about all the doctor appointments she had so it seemed like she was taking care of herself. But she's the kind of unlucky girl who could barely take care of herself. I cried to my mom when I told her and she said it might be better this way because I honestly don't know if my friend would be able to take care a baby. It's still sad though and I just feel so bad for her.

If all I can do is try to set up a day when we can meet up again now that I have more of an idea of where she is and I should be able to get there (with a GPS or someone having someone with me who can read a map cuz I don't get it at all) and just be a friend, that's what I'm good at.