Namine's Heart

I wrote this a while ago, I really sort of like it...even though I'm a SoKai fan, I hope you guys enjoy it :)

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Namine.

A name of all names for her.

The one who found her had named her Namine.

Surely he knew who her somebody was.

He had named her Namine, a word meaning wave.

“For the waves of your memories,†he had said.

In that one moment, for one moment she had felt beautiful. Possibly cared about.

He then chuckled, “or lack-there-of.â€

That was the first day she cried.

For a nobody to cry or feel sorrow is impossible.

And somehow she had it in her to do so.

Silver drops of fire dripped down her chilled face, and then she knew what she was.

“You can’t cry,†she had been told by him many times after. “Nobodies can’t cry.â€

“But-†she would say before a stinging slap would flame across her pale white cheek.

“Nobodies can’t cry.â€

Nearly every day she cried. It hadn’t been long since her birth. Already she had to do as he said.

Every day, her sorrow just grew and grew.

She wanted to know who her somebody was.

She wanted to know why she could cry.

But most of all, she wanted to be a somebody.

Marluxia.

He had named her, he was her master now.

Through her sorrow and pain she found a passion.

Art.

She had scoured the rooms of Castle Oblivion for a sketchbook and a pencil, but had no luck.

“The poor thing wants to draw,†Marluxia would say.

She could only nod her head sadly.

Axel.

A figure of two faces.

He was nice enough to give her a sketchbook and crayons.

“Use these,†he said, throwing them in her direction.

She caught the crayons, but the sketchbook slid toward her.

“Hello,†she whispered. A friend.

A sketchbook to Namine was much better than any human friend.

It loved her, and she loved it back. That little sketchbook was her life.

She took such good care of it.

She never let it get dirty, never let it get torn.

When Sora came to Castle Oblivion, she felt like her heart would burst.

She knew who he was, what he looked like.

She knew every memory chained in his heart.

She was going to change them. She had no choice.

Riku, Kairi…

His best friends.

She knew he loved Kairi.

With a Passion.

But…

Namine loved him somehow as well.

She cared for him so, so much.

She loved him.

So, little by little, she replaced Kairi.

Sora loved HER now.

She should have been glad.

She should have loved it.

Anything she said, he would do.

In the room of Destiny Islands, before she would tell him, she wanted one thing.

“I missed you,†she said.

“I searched everywhere for you!†he said, happy to see her. He hugged her.

Namine cried a little bit, not enough that he would see.

“Kiss me,†she whispered in his ear.

He did.

His lips were warm and passionate.

The kiss was long, and beautiful.

Her hands wrapped around his neck, and he held her close.

“I’m so sorry,†she said, letting go of him.

“I’m not who you wat to be with. Its her,†she said, running away.

Nobodies cannot become somebodies.

 

It was extremely cute. I wasn't too keen on the structure of this at first but the double lines grew on me. Very simple sentences but your vocabulary isn't frustratingly plain which is good.

The fact you got Namine to speak to the sketchbook was a nice touch, it encouraged a little sympathy from the reader. I also liked the last line "Nobodies can't become somebodies".

I hope you continue writing, even if only in this simple style. ^^

 

Excellent

Okay I am not too huge on the Sora Kairi or Sora namine thing. I like Roxas Namine but this was an intriguing read. you should keep it up, like Juicy said structure not that great but it isn't how the story is read, it's how the story is written. As long as you have heart and soul put into your work you will do fine. Also I got really sad when Namine was slapped. Poor, poor Namine. There it is, I enjoyed it :)

 

That was beautiful, it's structure wasn't too good, but as night said, it isn't how it is read, it is how it is written, and that realy captured my heart, I loved it, I think you did a very good job on portraying Namine, and how she felt durring those hard days in Castle Oblivion.

 

Alriiight guys, you bumped a bit far this time. :l Locked.