All right, nothing major, so it's not as bad as it may seem, but I just thought I'd get opinions from people here. Okay, so, I seem to have this bad habit of making almost everything my mom asks me to do an argument, whether it be to put the dishes in the dishwasher away, turn the volume on my TV or PC down, let my dog out, etc. It usually goes like this: Mom, from living room: Maggie wants outside. Me, in bedroom: *silence* Mom: *repeats* Me: *silence* Mom: *repeats louder* Me, in a whiny tone: What!? Mom: Your dog wants outside! Me: So? Mom: Let her out. Me: You're closer to the door; why can't you let her out? Mom: Because I let her out all night long while you're asleep. Me: Grrrrrrr! *walks out in living room and lets dog out* Another thing that causes arguments is my driving. I've had my license since 4/16/2011. Since break started, I've just been taking her to and from work, counting the lunch hour. Now, I am a good driver, but I am only human and am bound to make mistakes, but according to her, one time a small mistake could cause an accident. For example, she thinks that when people do wrong things, such as cut me off, it should never catch me by surprise if I'm scanning, but there are times where that's just impossible. My friend was over once, and we usually try to avoid arguing when there are friends over, which usually always happens, but this time the argument got so bad that my friend had to come out of bedroom to wonder what was going on. Anyway, I'll stop there before this turns into a rant. Like I said, it seems worse than it is. We both love each other a lot, so it's not as if we absolutely despise each other. Opinions?
It sounds like the two of you just communicate poorly. On her asking you to do things, well, she's your mom, she does have the right to have you do some chores and all. It'd be best not to battle her on it, as it will only end in a fight, and chances are you're still going to have to do the chores. It'd be better if she didn't have to ask at all, wouldn't it? =] I'm assuming you don't have a job, so you have more time at home than her, and it's no fun coming home to a messy house that has a million things to be done. In regards to the driving, that's a pretty common problem that people have with their mothers. They tend to just be very critical and get freaked out easily when they are driving with you. It stems from them not wanting you to get hurt, though. She's probably not doing it to criticize you, just that she wants you to be safe. She's right, even a tiny mistake while driving can turn into an accident. Just reassure her that you are paying attention and that you are trying to be a careful driver. And for fights in general, it takes two to tango. If she's yelling at you, don't yell back--it's tough, but going into it calmly will usually calm the other person down.
I hear you on that it takes two to tango, but to be honest, I've admitted to her that I'm the starter of most arguments. No, I don't have a job currently, but I just sit around the house, watching TV or playing video games, so the house doesn't really get messy. Really, the only messy part is the kitchen, because I take dishes out there from my bedroom that have garbage in them sometimes. I use those paper Super-One Foods bags for garbage bags, and I usually throw my garbage away, but sometimes I forget that I put my garbage in dishes. We also have recycling, but I'll just leave the recyclables on the counters, and the recycling bin is on the back deck for that specific reason, but it just doesn't cross my mind. Regarding general arguments and driving, sometimes it's not arguments, but lectures, which I do not handle very well -- I hate being lectured. On being careful, I tell her that I'm careful, but she says that there are things that she sees sometimes where she doesn't think that I am being careful. She's always saying how if I get into an accident, she won't be able to afford to have me on her insurance anymore and she'll have to take me off her insurance, meaning no more driving. I also hear you on her wanting me to be safe, but even if it's not meant that way, it sometimes sounds like it's criticism. I can't go into specific details on this, but she sometimes drops her stress on me. It's not really arguing, but more of venting, and I listen very well to that, but for some reason, like I said, when she asks me to do some house chores, which she doesn't expect a lot of (just a few things here and there), I get this urge to defy her. Another interesting note is that I get over things in, like, 5 to 10 minutes. For example, we'd sometimes have an argument on the way to school -- I think regarding my driving -- and as soon as I walked into the building, I was over it, but she felt guilty for the rest of the day. Anyway, thanks for the advice, and I'll definitely try it. That's another funny thing, but I think that's common with kids of all ages. If you, Misty, or whoever, or family friends in real life tell me to listen to my mom or how they want things or whatever, I listen to them, but if it's my mom, nope. Anyway, thanks again.
Regarding the dog, my mom does the exact same thing haha. It's obnoxious, but well, there's little you can do to stop it from morphing into an argument unless you comply. Personally when my mom does this I try to keep in mind that most of the time, doing whatever she is asking is generally faster and requires less energy than arguing with her about it. As for driving, well, some people are just overly critical/careful about driving and tend to do that. I'm a real back-seat driver and if my mom is driving me somewhere I'm always telling her to be careful and whatnot almost by reflex. Driving just makes me really nervous, so perhaps it's the same for her. That may cause her to put impossibly high expectations on you; however as you can only do so well, just focus on doing the best job you can and not trying to be absolutely perfect. Perfect may be what she wants or even expects, but it's an impossible goal so you shouldn't strain yourself trying to reach it. With time, she should hopefully realize this.
Thanks for responding, Stardust. Wow, I never thought it would be the other way around with driving. Haha! When I was a lot younger, I actually used to be a backseat driver myself. Anyway, thanks for your input. I'll certainly try to find a way to get rid of that urge to argue.
I guess I can relate in many ways so I will tell you what I do to get my mom to quiet down. Well, you see I'm a girl and in my family a girl needs to be clean, girly, and respectful. I'm not very girly but if my mom asks me to clean up I will get up without complaint and do what she asks because it will get her to be quiet. I've knowticed that when you just do what they want they stop bugging you and let you go back to your own life. So if she asks you to do something, instead of fighting, be the bigger person and just do it. It shows responsibility and respect to your parent and therefore causes them to respect you. As for the car driving... thats just your mom being overly worried because you're her child. All parents are like that and I can tell you now that I do the same to my mom, as a joke for when she does it to me. It's playful bantering not fighting. You just have to add humor to the comments. Driving is learned from experience and time, don't worry the same also applies to parent children relationships. When a friend comes over you must never fight or argue with your parents. It says a lot about you and your family if you're arguing with your mom in front of a guest. If she starts the fight then you have to be the bigger person and speak calmly to her. Tell her that you have a friend over and that you will do whatever chore you have to do after they leave. It's respectful. You as a person should never purposely angry your mom. (I don't really think you do but I don't know you well enough) I hope this helped. I have this kind of life to and if you need to talk I can understand what you have to deal with. Mine might be a touch worse but I blame that on my culture and being a female but meh. You win some you lose some.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I see all of your points. Regarding the friend thing, we know the family, and the time that the argument happened when my friend was over here earlier this year was the first time it was that bad, but considering how long he's been coming over, that's not too bad.
It's good that it's a family friend but if that ever happened at my house it would be worse if a family friend saw it. I can imagine the look on my moms face when one of the friends says she has a rude daughter or something. I have never tried it but it's funny to imagine. I hope I could help. I tend to take some things to serious sometimes.
