I have recently got wrapped in poetry again so, here it goes... There is this door. A basement door. My mom says its off-limits. But, I dont care for the rules she has given. As I take the steps of fate, my heartbeat begins to race. I touch the copper doorknob. I gasp. It creaks open, and I hold my breath, and step in. The door shuts, which way is freedom. It doesnt matter, it's too late. All I see now, is black rooms and red streaks.
I think this is a good narrative poem, it leaves a lot open to the reader's imagination and I think the form in which you wrote your poem is pleasing to the eye. Only spelling/grammar correction is the "its" should be "it's" as in "it is" in the 2nd to last line. Good job!
Ohh its really good :3 Like Kites said,I love the way its written out,and it really makes you wonder what happens :p Good work :D
I edited the "its" to "it's" thank you for pointing that out...:D Is there an endless abyss? Is there someone there? Is there something holding my memories, in place? For the light is too strong for me. For the dark is too strong to keep me breathing. Theres no "in between" world, so where am I? Who am I? The question is, what am I? If I can't exsiste in one world, then I can't exsiste in the other. As the paintings once said, "The steps of fate, will lead the way." But, if I am nothing, what steps of fate is there to lead?
How about actually giving some good feedback instead of discouraging a friend? If you are friends you are supposed to be good to eat other. Fix your post please.
Is it just me, or is there some KH inspiration in here? :p Not that that's a bad thing. Just two things- was 'existe' meant to be like that, sort of Ye Olde style writing? Its not clear whether that was intention or if it was just a typo, which kind of lessens the impact if it was meant to be that way. Also, the line 'For the light is too strong for me.' just seems to...stop. The following line, 'For the dark is too strong to keep me breathing', explains what, exactly, the dark prevents the person from doing, but we are given no such example for the light, just that it prevents something. Maybe if you gave a similar example for that line the contrast between the two points of view would be a bit clearer? Other than that, I think its brilliant! :)
