Yes now, i know there are a bunch of poems like this out here, and i am a beginner but please.... dont post a bunch of trash about it. PLZ! i know im a beginner it will stink! "HIDDEN LOVE" I want to tell you my feelings, I guess im just too scared afraid of what you'll think and say when im not there. my love for you must stay hidden, behind the barred cage of my heart our friendship is just too important my feelings can't be smart the destruction of my love, my heart is a battlefield to tell, or not to tell i decide for them to YIELD i want to tell you how i feel but what if you dont feel the same this deciscion bouncing back and forth its just like some child's game My hidden love is killing me its like a gun is ravaging inside my heart i start to gag, a feeling i can't shake then the pain begins to start so i just let go, of all i feel in my heart grows a kink i want you to like me But i'm just too afraid of what you think..... Please tell me what you think!!!
It is rare that I say this, but I am very impressed with this piece. It has a great flow and rhythm which gives it a really nice feel. The feelings expressed are definitely ones I can relate to and it reads so easily. my love for you must stay hidden, behind the barred cage of my heart our friendship is just too important my feelings can't be smart i want to tell you how i feel but what if you dont feel the same this deciscion bouncing back and forth its just like some child's game These 2 sections are my favourite. The only things I would say are negative are small issues such as your capitalisation is lacking in some places, but that is, as I said, a very minor issue. I can promise you that this does not stink. I will look forward to seeing more of your work.
Thank you dude, i rarely get good critism on my work, yeah i will try to work on my capitilization more, My teachers are always naggin my on it lol thx dude!
If you think that this is bad, then I have a feeling that you will soon take over this section if you decide to add more works. Beginner or not, as long as your poems have a strong connection to yourself and you find that you desire to post it for the world to see, then no matter good or bad comments, than nothing else matters. Having said that, the following passage is by far my favorite: my love for you must stay hidden, behind the barred cage of my heart our friendship is just too important my feelings can't be smart There is something about the wording of this stanza and the metaphoric comparison to your desire to not destabilize your friendship, but realizing the 'prison' your feelings are forced to reside in are what connected with me strongest because I've been there. Good job, and I hope to see more works in the future. Just check the capitalization ;)
