My life is over...

Im in desprate need of help... For years now my parents have been cheating on eachother. and sence then they have been nothing but b!tches... They never treat me right. Most of you know that so I wont go on about it.... But I heard them talking and my dad and mom have plans leaving echother in a few months...even weeks... My birthday is in January and it's possble they will be gone befor then... My brother is gana be 19 next month so he doesnt have to move with them... I see no point in hiding my age anymore... In january I will be 15. My moms bf scares me. He is a sexual man. He has even tried getting sexual with me over the net. No one believes me when I tell. He lives in Austrila.... And I don't wana move there cause im out of cali and this guy is just scary... I have no idea who my dad is dateing all I know is that she lives in washington... I dont wana move with him cause my dad has always had a bad temper...I love my parentts... But I dont wana mvoe with either of them... I have no friends to move in with...I dare not ask... With all this I feel like killing myself again... And I'm so close... I have no one to talk to anymore... I ran into a old friend and him and I have been talking but I don't want to be a bother to him... Ive thought about moving to flordia with my other brother...But for some reason he cut me off 5 months ago..No matter how hard I try to contact him he doesnt answer or write back...

Ive thought about putting myself in the system... But for the mental stable I am in I would die in a matter of days.. And possbly be put in a worse family... Ive looked over what would happen if i mvoed with who... If I moved with my mom to the other side of the world Life would be uncomfortable... my pets would be put away for 6 months,I'll live with a guy who is a possble molester,I have to change my life style wich I cannot due... If I move with my dad life would be semi okay...But id have the fear if he will just dump me,I dont know what the girl is like,I'd have to deal with a *****y family....

Both of them would be the worst ever... If I loose my pets thats it... I'd be dead cause they are my only form of comfort...Befor I found this out life was hard but I was slowly getting back and and being proud of myself cause I'd make it to age 15....But not...Its impossble...I feel like I will kill myself befor my birthday...I cant attapt to new life.... I ahve stuff I just cannot tell.. But ive had to start my life over so many times... And having to do it again but this time in a diffrent state/country and in a new family....I cant...

What do I do?....Please help!

 

First, let's not do anything drastic. Suicide is not a good option, for you lose your one chance at life. If your moms dad harased you just call the australion cops on him. I'm not sure who you should go with. I wish I could help more.

 

I'm gonna say this right now, I won't forgive you if you kill yourself.

If your mother's boyfriend has sexually harassed you online, enable whatever messaging service you use to record conversations. It's a very real crime and definitely should be reported to the police. You may be young, but that might help you in this case - just so long as you have proof. I know on MSN that with Plus! installed you can enable it to record and store every conversation you have, and if it's on something like Facebook you can report his profile to the site. Don't let this go on, especially if it looks like you're going to move in with him. I'd rather you go to the real authorities now than have you ending up getting hurt somehow later.
As for your friend, don't hold back that much. If he's really your friend, he won't be bothered by what you tell him, just as I'm not bothered (at least burden wise) by what you tell me. If you're that close to him don't be afraid to talk to him, the last thing you need to do is shut people out. <3
Your older brother...well, I'm not sure what to do about that, but have you tried contacting his friends? If you can get in contact with them, they might be able to help you talk to him, and then if he has some kind of problem he doesn't want the rest of your family to know, try talking it out with him. Helping him come to some kind of understanding might just help you be able to live with him, which, with what I can see, is the best solution right now.

I would try your hardest, by the sound of it, not to live with your mother, in this case it seems like your dad would be the better choice. It's sort of a "lesser of two evils" in this situation, unfortunately. I know it's also hard to leave pets behind, and I really really hope for your sake that you find a way to keep them with you, or at least have them transferred to somewhere near where you'll live, so you can visit them every once in a while. Some shelters do allow that for certain cases, I'm sure they'll listen to you if you explain your situation.

You're not going to make it to fifteen, you're going to make it to sixteen, then seventeen, eighteen, and so on. You're going to live your life, even if it's hard because you're a strong girl and I know damn well that you are, you've helped me through a few things and I know for a sure fact you can stand this test. Once you're eighteen you won't have to deal with this at all hopefully, you'll be a legal adult and you can move out and live wherever you want.
Don't think of it as starting your life over, because it's never ended yet, but sort of like putting another quarter into the arcade machine to pick up where you left off. Yeah, you might have to "fight the same boss" once or twice, maybe even three times, but eventually you'll learn exactly what to do to get past it and move on. That's how life is for everyone, you might get knocked down a lot, but as long as you get back up you won't lose.

And hey, you've got plenty of friends. Granted they may not be ones you can see or hear every day, but they're here. I'm here, and I'll try my damned hardest to be on whenever you need to talk. You and I have had some similar situations in the past, so I'll do everything I can to help you out. You have my cell number, and there is absolutely nothing I will hold against you for texting me in the middle of the day or night. And I know I'm not your only friend here, from what I've seen you've got many friends that are willing to talk to you and will do their best to make you smile. That's what friends do, after all, they stick by you no matter what.
Besides, if you're gone, it'll make all your friends have one less thing to smile about. Hell, it'll depress them for days, maybe even the rest of their lives. I know I'd feel that way.
I do think you're way too young to be dealing with crazy **** like this, but I also think that you're one of the strongest, bravest, kindest, and loving people I've ever met, both online and in life. Please know that I will always be here for you, I will talk to you no matter what, whether it's serious or not. You're one of the best friends I've ever had and I love you like a sister, don't give up on your life just because you've hit some really tough times.
Best of luck with everything, Sakura. <3

 

Do NOT kill yourself, that's the first thing I will always say in events like this. I've actually gotten to know you some what and you seem like a good person. The world will surely morn for the loss of what could've been a great teacher, or scientist, humanitarian, etc. Suicide is never a good route to take because it harms more than just you. As for your family, do you have any other family members that you could live with, someone who you would trust with your life? Or, are almost 15 and I can tell you are a very smart girl, but you do not need this kind of environment. Actually, if you lived closer to New Mexico, I'm completely tempted to have you come crash at my place, or at my youth pastor's house because he's at least someone I can trust. IF you need to talk it out, I'm all ears. I won't judge what kind of struggle you're going throught, I'll listen.

 

no there is no other family members...If I live with my grandmother i will for sure die cause she is the cause of my mental problems and adds to my depression... To be hoenst I really have no where to go.

And DPwolf ive tried with my other brother. hsi friends refuse to tell me how he is... no matter how hard i try i cant get ahold of him so right now im stuck

 

I hardly know you at all and I can already tell you this is a bad idea. And more than just because this is a bad idea in general. First off you are asking for help. I've dealt with several suicidal people, even had to bring a few people to the hospital after attempts. The people who openly ask for help are the people who are hands-down strong enough to get through their situation. It's the people that drop subtle hints that I really worry about. And if you are this strong and intelligent at 15 then you have a bright future ahead of you. It does suck that life is so dependent on people until at least 18 (and there is usually still dependence until your early 20s) but think about your life as a whole. Life expectancy is currently a little shy of 80 in the US and that is likely to go up in the 65 years until you get there and you can easily live longer than the average. But I'll even be pessimistic here and pretend that that you really only have 65 years to live. Are you seriously going to throw away 65 years of your life because you don't think you'll be able to tolerate the next 3? When you zoom out and look at the big picture I think you'll agree this is just a splash in the bucket. Please don't do this to yourself. You deserve better than to have the rest of your life destroyed by a few grown-ups that don't know how to behave themselves.

 

You know, You should really consider calling the police about this...And not just because of what DPWolf said either. I mean, after all the things you've said your family has done to you I totally think that you'd be better off moving in with a foster family. I mean the way they've been treating you among all these other people that you're in contact with where you live how much more can you take? I know that you love them but it sure doesn't look like they love you. The police can help you. It's what they're there for. Don't be afraid to call them. Just don't do anything rash like running away or killing yourself. Sorry I couldn't help more than this.

 

I'm afraid there's not much more on the subject I can say that the others havn't already said.
Still, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE. I swear to god if you do, I will bring back your spirit from the afterlife specifically so I can chew you out for that.
I think moving in with your Dad is the best option here. The foster care system should really be a last resort. And you said you don't even know your Dad's gf. She could be really nice. I remember, when my Dad moved out, I was scared that his gf would be terrible, but she turned out to be an awsome Step-Mom.
Don't forget, you have lots of friends, and we're all here for you. ^_^

 

I agree with Jaden and to talk to the police about it. Actually, do you have any relatives you can talk to about this? They would probably take you in, but I'm not 100% sure. You can even talk to your favorite teacher about your problem. Teachers have a duty to help their students.

SUICIDE OR RUNNING AWAY IS NOT THE SOLUTION!

 

I see you're point I know where you're coming from but there is no way I can get out at 18. Ive thought about it but there is no way my parents will let me get a job ive tried asking. But they said i must finish school (im home schooled my mom doesnt teach me a thing anymore -.-) even as a kid I never saw myself living long. I was depressred at the age of 6 =/ wich is real sad. Im trying not to kill myself but at times i wonder if its the only way out. I'll keep re-readin all the posts. Im doing a bit bettert today thank you so much for the help <3

There is no way in hell im going to a foster home. I could end up with a worse family and plus I will keep getting pulled form home to home. That IS NOT a option for me. If I had to go through that all the time I would be dead. I wont be able to handle contasntly moveing. And with the state of mind im in id be driven crazy/ Thanks for the help though<3

I guess your right. Maybe she is nice but I'm to scared to find out. I cant handle stuff like this right now with everything else im going through. Right now if anyone said somthing wrong id snap and kill myself fast. Its sad but its the truth. My family isnt the best and again with the mental state im in I cant handle much. I had alot of deaths this year family friends and pets. in a total there was over 5 deaths. And thats alot for me to handle. I'll think about moveing in with my dad maybe she is awsome. Thank you so much<3

No I have no family to go to. im constantly with my grandmother and over there she treats me like sh!t and that is the house I have to raise the child. that is the only family member but i dare not move in with her or I will get worse.

I know its not the solution but somtimes i wonder if it is... Thanks for the help though <3...

 

Death cancels everything out. Emperors and plebeians are equal in death. Great Equaliser is the Death.

As such, you should try doing everything you can before you accept death. If you get to the point of suicide, then you may as well run away and try to join the foreign legion, or something equally ridiculous. If by some small chance it succeeds, you've succeeded. If it fails, then Great Equaliser is still the Death.

In other words, try what you can before killing yourself, because when you do, it doesn't matter what you did.

 

Your parents cannot legally tell you to stay in their house when you are eighteen; you are a legal adult and that's just tough **** for them.
And please go to the police about your mother's boyfriend, I don't want that sick **** harassing you.

Suicide is never the solution. I know it might be a little hypocritical of me to say that, given that I've thought about it more than once, but I've realized that I have people to live for. They're always there for me and it wouldn't be right to hurt them in return for supporting me for so long, and this applies to you too. It's not the solution, it's the coward's way out, and I know you are not by any means a coward.

Keep trying with your older brother, leave him messages, don't give up. Do your best to express in the messages how ****** your home life is getting. Hopefully that'll reach him, and hopefully you'll be able to talk to him again.

Basically just don't give up on anything, your life is far too valuable to waste. If you can, try seeing some kind of child psychiatrist, they might be able to both help you mentally and with your depression. In the short time I went to one, it did help a huge amount.
I really wish I could help you more, but for now the most I can do is be here for you when you need to talk and encourage you to go on, because I know you can.

 

Well here's the thing. At 18 the "they won't let me excuse" disappears. You can go online, find some people in your area that are splitting rent on a place, apply for a job, and walk out. It isn't pretty but it will get you out. And if you aren't done with home school by then try and find a GED program. You are plenty smart and I'm sure you could get a GED without much trouble.

And even if you don't do that I would still do the research for it when the time comes. It helps you get out of the feeling of being trapped with them, which in itself might help you tolerate them more. And if it doesn't then you have your escape plan when things get to bad and you aren't looking at suicide.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. That isn't for another three years. In the mean time just keep drifting through. You've made it through nine years of this depression already. Now that you are at least halfway done there is a light at the end of the tunnel, don't count yourself out at least until you get to that light.

 

That was extreamly harsh but true.... Your right.. Thanks <3.

I dont know if I can go to the police with this. He lives on the other side of the world and I dont know if they will listen to me or my mother. He creeped me out so much i deleted everything cause I didnt wana go through that. Ive been sexualy abused befor and having seeing all of what he was saying brought back fear and painfull memories... If I am forced to move with my mother there isnt much I can do... All I can do is stay locked up in my room for the next 3 years of my life until I can get to the states....

Ive tried getting tharapy I cant. My mom again dares not send me. She is afraid ill slip up about somthing... God im so pissed... Im doing what I can tgo get tharapy but right now that is years down the road... And as for my other brother trust me im trying... But at this point in time I really hate him. He left me at the worst time of my life and he knows it. Im still trying so dont worry i just really hate him....

and my life vauble? funny.... My life is in no way special or worth somthing...

Right now seeing the light isnt possble...I'll keep trying ill keep moving but its ganna be so hard... And to be honest im to scared to go deeper into this life I dont want to go through anymore pain...

and if i dont get schooled ill look into the GED....Believe it or not I WANT to be in school and learn...There is so much i want to do with my life but ill never get there thats really bringing me down...

 

Gees girl, all I gotta say is lighten up. The more you look on the negative side, the worse you're going to make your currant situations right now. Look around you, everyone here is trying to help you and put a smile on your face. The reason why we're posting on here is because we really care about you. Stop looking so much on the negative side of things, because as you can see now, everything looks absolutely hopeless. Look in the mirror and tell yourself everything will be fine, and that you're smart, bright, and beautiful and the world is just jealous of you, so it's going to throw everything miserable possible at you. If you let misery consume you completely, it's going to be a long road back to be happy. Trust me, I know.

We're all humans, we all have our bad days and difficult times. Like someone says, "We must be more concerned with what we do with what happens to us than what happens to us." Meaning you can take your situation now and keep making it worse like you're already doing, or take everyone's advice and try to push through this. You can do this. You already took the first step to get help. Finish the fight and win. We all believe you're capable of it. Now tell yourself you can do it.

 

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH A MOLESTER. Do not even consider that to be an option at all. Doing so will almost undoubtedly be the worst mistake. If there is any other option at all available, take any other option. That is the second to last thing you need to do, the very last thing being considering suicide. I personally will not forgive you if you choose the coward's solution. You assume things aren't going to get better. Things do get better, even if they may get a bit worse first. The only time they don't get better is by taking your own life.

You say you "could" end up with a worse family, but you will more likely end up with a much better family. I understand you've probably heard horror stories about foster families, but I assure they are not all horrible places. Foster homes and families are, when associated with the right organizations, not bad places to be at all. They are evaluated by child protection organizations before letting any child be fostered. All you have to do is be willing to make it work. My dad's best friend is a foster parent. Great guy. I have two friends who are in caring foster homes, and they are happy to be there. In your predicament, I would not rule out foster care so quickly.

You may want to consider giving your father's girlfriend a chance, especially since you haven't met her.

 

I know I need to lighten u and see the bright side of things insterad of making it worse by looking at the worst things. Trust me I know but I cant have my mind set like that. its going to take time for me to learn that. I look at the bad and try to see what good I can make out of it but I get to deep into it and think "Oh...its all bad....damn theres no way out im alone" I fall into it to fast I know that.

See I dont think I can win the fight. I feel like im fighting for nothing sence im already thinking about killing myself... But all in all your right so thank you.. <3

I know not to move into a molesters house but at the same time if its ordered for me I sort of have no choice... As for the foster home I will consider it but im to scared to try. If i go and things turn out good that alright. But I will need alot of time to think it over and make sure im making the right choiuce for myself. Mentaly I dont want to put myself in more danger. Mentally im a **** wreck so I need to be extra careful.

And i will also try to give my dads gf a chance...

 

I wouldn't worry about having to live with your Mom. Between long (and therefore expensive) travel and the political nonsense of moving internationally. They would need a real good reson for sending you there to overcome logistics.

 

First and foremost, DO NOT KILL YOURSELF. Don't. You have a lot to live for.

Second, you may not be able to get the Australian molester arrested, but you do not have to live with him. If you go to the police and tell them your mother is trying to get you to live with a potential molester, they won't let you go.

I would say go and live with your dad. I know it may be hard(I had to live with my druggie dad and drug addict stepmom for years, trust me I know), but you can do it, and you can make it out of there. Just think, every day, one day will be brighter, every day you're closer to getting out, someday it'll all be fine. I don't know what your taste in music is but This song helped me get through those times. Sometimes I swear it was written just for me. Also read the lyrics.

As for this:

You're from California, correct? In that case you can take the California High School Proficiency Exam. I took it and got 100%; it's freaking EASY. I have no doubt you could pass it(But you'd have to work on your spelling, no offense). Once you do that your mom won't have to homeschool you anymore, in fact, she can't make you if you don't want to. With a high school diploma(Which a CHSPE is just as good as), you can probably get a job at 18 and get the hell out of there. You can do it, I believe in you, we all do.