My Friend's Orientation changed

First off before I even write on how I feel about this, I don't want to offend anyone at all. I have no problems with anybody that is bi or gay. I've been having a problem with posting this on here because I feel that it may be taken personal and I really don't want that to happen to any of you that are. So, if you're reading this and you are, please don't take it personal.

Anyway I'm not a homophobe, but my best friend has recently told me this week that he is bi-sexual. I don't mind having friends that are, but I just felt it was weird that last week he was straight and now out of no where his orientation changed. I'm having a real tough time accepting it and that's totally unfair for my friend to deal with. As months go on and we get older, I just feel things will be really different.

I'm still trying to accept that my best friend has changed, but as I mentioned before it's not easy. Today a lot of people are in shame of what their sexual Orientation is and truthfully I think that's a horrible way to live. It really is a shame for how people are treated. I've seen a lot of it happen and at times I've tried to help those who got picked on for being something that another person didn't like them for. I for sure, don't want to make my friend feel like he's not important in my life over something that's really not a big deal. I guess in way I've been accepting it because he's a great friend and I don't want to hurt him.

Edit: By the way, my best friend changed because of someone he met online. I think that is really what's bothering me. I don't want him to be hurt and I feel that he'll have someone over the internet get in between two great friends. Now that's what really hurts.

What's the best way of dealing with this particular situation?

 

just treat your friend the way you always treat him. just be his friend and assure him that nothing will change between you two. unless he's one of those people that would prefer you not to make a big deal about it, if that's the case don't bring it up because it's understandable if he wouldn't wanna be treated gingerly.

 

I highly doubt your friend 'changed' his sexual orientation; instead, he just came out to you. Most likely, he's always been bisexual and just realized it, and trusted you enough to tell you.

My advice? Treat him exactly the same as you would normally. He's still the same person.

 

This is true, he would act the same way as he would before anyway. He didnt change anything excpet his oritation...

 

This is true. I'm sure he's been bisexual for a while and just finally came out to you. Just treat him the same way you normally did.

 

Exactly. I had a friend who made fun of lesbians all her life and then she came out last year. She's still the same crazy person I love to hang out with though.

You know what is a little harder though? When someone you know gets a sex change. This person isn't a good friend, but I definitely know a Devon who was once Sarah. Breast reduction, testosterone pills, ya....

 

Well actually he told me that his orientation changed. He told me he was straight not too long ago.
When he first told me I thought that it was something he just had a hard time telling me his whole life.

 

Hmmm. I guess its possible. I just find it weird to be attracted to one sex all your life and then switch gears all of a sudden. Maybe he just had an epiphany, and thought he was straight up until that point? Most people who 'change' are either in denial by convincing themselves they are something else, or just haven't really discovered their sexuality.
At any rate, that's really interesting. Who is really to say?

 

Any advice on this part?

 

Online huh? So its not necessarily a physical connection, but I'm guessing your friend is attracted to whoever this person has created themselves to be online.

I understand as a friend, you want what is best for him and don't want him to get hurt. However, you also need to be respectful of his own decisions, even if that includes (wrongfully) pushing you aside, because you aren't really in control of that. Tell him you're worried - especially since its online - but don't get in the way. Maybe encourage him to meet this friend and see if its a relationship he still wants to persue.

Basically, give him some constructive input as a friend, but allow for him to make his own mistakes/decisions even if it hurts.

(This is basically the dynamic between me, my roommate, and her 'interesting' boyfriend)

 

Being as he's saying he's bi-sexual, he probably has had the potential in him all along but never found a reason to be interested in males before this person he met online. At least more than a passing fancy. In the end, I'd tell you that he's still the same guy you have known all along, just now you know a bit more about him and he was confident that you'd be okay with knowing, as he seems to value your friendship.

Knowing that he has discerned himself to be bi because of someone else he met should be kind of comforting to you in a way as you aren't the person who he wants to have affections for in such a manner. I wouldn't worry about it in the end since it's not really changing his feelings about you in anyway. If I were you, I'd go on as things are and well, except that he's bi or at least exploring his sexuality right now. He may find out, since it is a person online he's interested in, that he's not really bi, or he may find out he truly is. Either way, it seems like he wants to keep you as a friend so don't feel uncomfortable about it if you can. Also, you might feel he's being kind of strange to 'decide' he's bi because of meeting someone online, but we do get to often know some people online more so mentally than offline. It could be an exploration of sexuality, but also the simple fact that perhaps he just really admires the other person's personality a lot and that person is gay. Perhaps he connects to the person on an emotional level. It's something to let him sort out and not think too oddly about.

I hope things work out for you and you don't quit being this guy's friend. I understand it may feel awkward but I think he trusts in you and isn't asking for you to act any different towards him. He's not hitting on you or anything by how it sounds so it doesn't seem like that will be an issue. Good luck with things.

 

Thanks. I appreciate the help from you guys.

 

Alright...

I've read everything on this thread...

And I'm tired of being called "your friend" or "that/this guy".

Yes, I'm the one that Mike was talking about, the friend that turned bi.

My name's Dan.

Thanks for the advice for Mike though you guys.

It's helped a lot!

Thank you so much...seriously!

 

Plot twist!

But hey, glad your friendship wasn't put at stake or anything.

 

Heh, thanks.

What do you mean by plot twist?

 

means he didn't think you'd be on the forum and see the thread. lol

 

He already knew that it was here.
I asked him if it was alright before posting it here.
I wanted help. xD

 

say this stuff to him or show him this post.A post like that would speak louder than what you could say.Your friend will understand.

 

I know just how you feel.
It's awful when people you care about meets people online...Especially when they're really happy about it..Cause..I mean, you never know, do you?
Just like you said, you don't want them to get hurt.
But again, who knows? There's still a good chance that this turns out to be something real.
I guess that all you can do now is to wait and see...

 

Guys, I know you want to help and reply and everything but please do read the rest of the posts before you post because then you would realize that the person Mike was talking about has posted in this friend and to my knowladge its resolved <3 Love you all dearies and I know you want to help.