So, my girlfriend, and my best friend absolutely hate each other. My girlfriend is a really nice person when you get to know her, but many people see her as sort of a mean person. My friend Spencer and I have the same taste in music and games, and we've been good friends since 3rd grade. The two are practically mortal enemies, and I don't know what I should do. I'm often put in situations like this: My friend Spencer asks if I can help him on a problem in math or something, my girlfriend says he should do it himself, Spencer ignores her and asks again, my girlfriend says not to tell him. This kind of arugement happens all the time, and I'm torn between whether to side with my girlfriend, or my best friend. I just don't know what I should do.
I think in the end you might have to talk to your girlfriend and tell her that Spencer is your best friend and so he means a lot to you too. You might have to say 'Look, he's been my friend since 3rd grade and he's here to stay so it wouldn't hurt if you tried to get along with him', and well, say the same thing to him in another way of 'she's my girlfriend so could you try to get along with her'. I've had to let a gf go before because she absolutely wanted to hate my best friend I had for years because she wanted me to herself or something. Hopefully, this gf you have will get the picture. Some people are -very- possessive and won't but being out front with it helps so that they understand and can make their choices. If she jumps in and starts if your friend asks you to do something, you may have to be firm and just say 'well yes, I'm going to go do that' so she gets it through her head. I wouldn't trade a best friend for a gf who you don't even know if things will work out with, if she's trying to force such a thing. That's a personal choice though because best friends have been around longer and because some girls (some guys too for opposite cases) are the jealous sorts that are very demanding, it's just a telltale sign early on that things might not work if she doesn't want to stop the behavior. The only way to know really is to confront both of them and say you are trying to make things work so it's up to them.
Yeah... I guess you're right. I'm just not a very up-front-and-personal kind of guy. I always back out of things, my answer to something is always maybe. But, you've got a pretty good point I suppose. Thanks man.
No problem. I'm pretty laid back and like to let others figure out things on their own too in a way, but when it comes to this, I think it's better to speak and well, just say that you aren't trading up one thing for another and that you have room in your life for both. I don't get why some girls are like this, but they just are and it's better to try to fix it earlier than wait. Good luck with it.
This one is pretty simple in my opinion. If your GF is the one your going to marry and be with for the rest of your life then you choose her over your Best Friend. If she is just a GF you like to hang out with then i would definatly not loose your best friend over her.
i have to agree with the tana_panda here... there is a certain point where you need to focus more on your girlfriend and realize that SHE needs to be your best friend... period. its hard to figure out with other ppl at first, but if you two really are going to be together for the rest of your lives, thats the way it should be.
While I don't disagree with this, I feel that you should at least say to your friend that those two need to sort it out and at least try to get along. if they still do not, then I'd go down this route.
I don't feel as you do really in that matter. If I have friends I've had for years, I know them. If a girl or guy expects a person to give up their best friends they've known for a very long time, that's just cruel and greedy. Yes, friends also have to know that their time spent with you is going to be reduced but no one should have to give up those they care about for some girl or guy they are dating and surely if the person loved you, she or he'd never make those kinds of demands in the first place. It's very selfish to me and I've never done it myself. I've had gfs that try to do that and they were all very possessive and jealous. It was better to drop them than true friends I've known. Guess it just depends how you feel about the issue and if a gf or bf is more important than friends. I am maybe greedy and would want both so life isn't centered around just one person because believe me, that gets boring if you have no outlet ever and your partner doesn't either. It just leads to fighting.
Well I've been in situations like this. To be honest (no matter how disheartening this may sound) the best thing to do is to separate them. Usually time helps people overcome their grudges, issues with another person, etc.
Excuse me but I do believe that this advice sucks ass. :) For you see, "choosing one over the other" implies losing the other when it doesn't have to turn out that way. And you don't want to turn your back on someone you know for a long time now do you (and even so; could you really?). Choose your girlfriend's side one time and your friend's the other, according to what you yourself believe. Any reasonable person, especially one close to you, would allow you to have an opinion of your own.
here's what you need to think about here. you and your friend are best buds, and that kind of friend is likely to last a long time. you and your girl friend, well... what are the chances that you will stay together forever and ever? It could happen, but you never know with relationships. now it could get to the point where she may be like, "It's either him or me." if you choose her, well then you lost your best friend, but you still have your girl; however, if you lose her too, well then.... you're screwed. maybe you'll make up with you're friend, maybe not. but even if you do become friends again, things may never be the same. So unless you think this girl is truly worth it, I say that you should stick up for your friend. besides, she probably expects you to respect her relationships with her friends, so isn't it disrespectful of her to not do the same for you?
Firstly I've been through something similar... Secondly, Take ur friend's side... No doubt. Girls come and go but friends stay. Bros before h0es (not saying girls are h0es but friends r more important)
