My beauty, My pain </3

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Juicy, Nov 11, 2008.

  1. Juicy Chaser

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    My beauty.
    My pain.
    Its gone now.
    Gone forever, the feel
    Of his arms round mine.
    I cry out
    Why?
    Why did God do this to me?
    Why take him away?
    Does he know
    How it hurts,
    How it burns,
    How it tears me inside
    Like a knife through my heart
    Now I cry.
    His ghost haunts my dreams.
    Its so real
    It seems
    If I wake I just know I will break and scream.

    What was it?
    Does God hate me?
    What did I do?
    Is it my soul
    Is it dirty?
    Or is it me?
    Am I a blemish on the world
    A scar on the beauty?

    I pick up the knife,
    No good stopping now
    'Cause he ain't coming back
    I need to feel better, somehow
    I trace the skin of my flesh
    It makes me tingle
    Like his caress used to.
    A thin line, a thin streak
    Of crimson
    It wells up, draws out
    Just like the tears
    That fall from my eyes
    My eyes
    My empty souls
    My beauty.
    My pain.



    I've wanted to write something like this for a while now >.>
    Not sure why O.O
    As always, written on the spot.
    Took me five minutes 8D
    Any thoughts?
     
  2. Maka Albarn It's called love

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    You really brought out those feelings inside the poem. It was very nicely written. Great job! :D
     
  3. Forever Love Life Without Limits

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    Poetry's not really my thing.

    But I LOVED this.

    You expressed everything so clearly, and the part where you said the knife tingled like his caress used to....That was an awesome line. And then the blood welled up like your tears.

    I loved it. Can you teach me? <3
     
  4. Juicy Chaser

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    Aww thankyou hun <3
    I try and write poetry different to how people usually think of it :3

    I'd teach you except I've no idea what I'm doing half the time 8D I just...write xD You could give it a go sometime though <3
     
  5. Forever Love Life Without Limits

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    'Welcome. =)

    I'm gonna have to, considering I have to do it for a Creative Writing class. x__x But I'll try my best. Hopefully it'll match up to something like this. xD
     
  6. Advent 【DRAGON BALLSY】

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    That was incredible. Very sad, but incredible all the same. </3
     
  7. P E A N U T ~*~Never Surrender~*~

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    Wow, that was really sad. Very emotional. I am jealous of your poetic abilities.
     
  8. Juicy Chaser

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    You really shouldnt be xDD
    Its just random stuff I scribble down 8D
     
  9. P E A N U T ~*~Never Surrender~*~

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    If you're that good at writing random stuff, then you must be amazing at stuff you spend a lot of time on. So I will stay jealous *envies OWS*
     
  10. Juicy Chaser

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    xDDD
    Aww thankyou :3
    You're just as good a writer though.
     
  11. P E A N U T ~*~Never Surrender~*~

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    Yeah, not really xD. I could never write anything like that in 5 minutes. Or 10 minutes. Or an hour. You get the idea xD
     
  12. Pure Beats~ Chaser

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    That was incredible. I loved it. It was so emotional...seriously, my eyes were tearing up.

    You have a great talent for this. Good job. <3
     
  13. Daenerys Targaryen ok

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    That was sad </3
    But nice.
    Write more,I feel like I can relate to you(:
     
  14. LittleArtistNamine Destiny Islands Resident

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    Wow... That's touching. It makes me feel sad. And I know how you feel on your none-poem thing, I suddenly get the random things to write things like that. But the more I think about the poem, the more deep I can feel how the person feels (Thanks to all those classes in Literature) I can understand it better. You really have a gift. Maybe I should try more on the spot writing. Or post my on the spot vampire poem... Anyways, back on subject, FANTABULOUS job.

    PS That's fantastic and fabulous together.