Please read and critique! Gazing towards the moving crowd I remain in my motionless state Do they notice? Do they care? A question unanswerable by fate Though understood by all that see In an evanescent reverie My world is frozen in my mind An unspoken word to always speak A snapshot an an undrawn line Inside the hearts of abandon Clouds roll in and rain pours down Though my eyes see only the fire I cannot reach for the glass It shattered within my desire As hearts return to ice I live inside this scattered dream The place where lives forgotten memory The shattered glass gleams within And pain is the only luxury Falling through the mirror
That was awsome, but needs to be in Creativity Corner. I have no real advice to give you, because i'm not a poem writer really.
-moved to creativity corner- The ending sounded a bit awkward, but apart from that, it's pretty good. Although somewhat lacking in originality. P:
