Love and War

i made a story with my friend, and i desided to make more of it, please comment, i want to see if people like it.
-----------------
Prologue
When time and space were created, two kingdoms appeared. The Destiny Kingdom and the Oblivion kingdom. These two kingdoms were given the power to control life. The first being able to control the good things in life, and the second able to control the bad. They could decide who went to the dark side, and who looked to the light.
But the two kingdoms despised each other. The Kings ordered their knights to destroy each other. Fighting each other day in and day out, a never ending war. But one day, the war will stop, all because of one love.


chapter one,: The two Kingdoms


Tantray was a 16 year old, girl turning 17 in two months, she had long flowing brownish-red hair, and bluish-silver eyes she had on a blue, sleeveless shirt, a short, flowing black skirt, silver armor covering her shoulders and wrists, and a small pendant necklace her mother gave to her as a small child. She lived in the Destiny kingdom along with her older brother Hakku, her younger sister Tei, her twin sister Tatin, and her mother and Father. If her brother had died, she would be the next in line to rule the kingdom.

Kell, was a 17 year old boy, with dark, messy blond hair that kind of cover his eyes, dark blue eyes, he wears a black suit of armor and carries a sword to the left of his waist, he was the oldest in the Oblivion Kingdom, he has one brother, Kence, one sister, Kurai, and his mother and father, he was next in line to become king, but he either had to choose a princess for himself, or have his father choose for him at the deadline

Tantray sat on a ledge thinking. The ocean’s water splashing on the rocks below and her brownish red hair flying free in the wind. Her friend was near by, picking the flowers close to the edge. “Tantray? Are you ok?” her friend asked. Tantray looked back where the girl with blond hair stood”Yeah, I’m fine, just thinking,” Tantray replied. “What are ya thinking about?” the girl asked,”Oh, just thinking about my coronation, I’ve been thinking about it for a while Auora.” Tantray said and looked out to the ocean. “Are you nervous?” Auora asked, as she picked a few flowers. Tantray stood up and walked over to Auora and picked one of the flowers,” Well, I have to pick a prince after the coronation, but so far I haven’t found any that are nice, or smart, or…” her thoughts wandered off. “So basically all of them are jerks?” Auora said. Tantray frowned, “All of them are jerks, snobs, or complete idiots, I want to find the perfect prince, one that I can truly fall in love with,” she said as she started to make a crown made of flowers.

Meanwhile, in another kingdom, Kell was training his brother to sign up for the royal army,” So, do you think you got what it takes to be in the army?” he asked, thrusting his wooden sword at his younger brother. “Well I know I won’t be as good as you. After all, you are the head knight,” the young boy said while dodging the sword and doing an upper-cut on his brother.” Well, it took a while to get to that position.”Kell said, dodging the blow, “After all, when I’m king, I’ll have to assign a new head knight,” he said while smiling.” But how do you know that I’ll be good enough by then, Kell?” the younger brother asked. Kell jumped at his brother and pushed him down, and put his wooden sword to his throat,” Because I’m older, that’s why. You would think you would know that by now, Kence.” Kell laughed.
--------------------------------------
so did you like it? please tell me!:D

 

OMG I LOVE IT SO FAR!!!!!!!!!!!! *screams* I WANT MORE!!!!!!

*breathes* And out of obnoxious fan girl stage. You should describle the eyes and the rest of the charactors body imgage sorta thing. BUT ITS GOOD!!!!!:D :D :D

 

seeeeee!! I"M NOT CRAZY!!! AXEL!!!!
more more more!!

 

aorry, i was going to do that a little later, i dont know how to put it in.:o

 

what friend where you doing this with? was it me? jk

 

Hey I love it , and I know your little character in your story , you used it in the RPG Empire Hearts , I have a tendencey of remembering peoples names very quickly, don't I ?:)

 

to phisoxa: yep, youre good at that,
to KxR: i was saying that to AerithRose, sorry that i didnt say that.:o

 

I said just joking no big deal but after reading this i think I'm gonna do one too

 

YAYYAYAYAA!!! Write more!!!! And if you need any help ask me again its fun :P

 

This is pretty sweet, I'll have to say.
It's going to make an awsome story, BUT -yea there's a but- I would love you to describe the characters more. Soos your readers can sorta get a mental pic of them.
:D

 

Lol. Thats what I said. COMMENT STEALER!!!!!! Nah, im joking comments are always good/

 

----
Joo did?
::looks up::
OH! Joo did! Joo did!
Haha... XD
---
Good story can't wait for mores!

 

...Im going to take that advise too since I dotn do that in my story *goes off to change story*

 

*pokes you* Ive told you that already *pokes again* Hummmm, I wonder if i need to do that in my story......

 

hey peoples, i think im going to post the next chapter in a little while, im a fast imaginer(sp sorry!XP)

 

WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!!! :):):):):):):):):)

 

Nice. Not great or anything but either way I think it's okay. Not that it means anything coming from me. Know what you should try a little more I don't know um maybe I think it's called exposition. Correct me if I'm wrong but it is very abrupt and I think more is required to paint the full picture. Oh well I'm rambling now.

 

XP i sowy! i was writing this late at night, so i kinda got a little mixed up T^T but i am going to do the next chapter, it will come out in a few minutes.

 

YAY!!!!!! Which reminds me....I should be working on my fanfic....but I have a brain block and no one reads it anyways so I shall take my time. Unlike 01_Kairi here *points* Im not being told to be an outcast from society >.<

 

well, here it is.
-----------------------
Tantray had finished her crown and put it on Auora’s head, and started to make a new one.†I can’t believe that I’m almost 17. It seems like I was just a kid a few weeks ago†Tantray sighed. Auora set the crown on her head to where it was a little slanted,†I know that you will make a great queen, Tantray!†she said and smiled.†I hope you’re right.†Tantray said hopefully. She picked one more flower and worked it into the crown for herself, and placed it on her head.
Kell had walked with his younger brother, Kence, into the thrown room†Father?†they both said and looked around the room. Kell saw a note on the throne and picked it up, it read

Son,
I would like to speak with you in the war room, alone! I have a mission for you. Have your brother meet your sister and your mom in the bailey.

-Father
“Hey, Kence, mom and Kurai want you in the bailey. I need to meet dad in the war room.†Kell told his brother, and walked off. Kence headed for the bailey and met Kurai, his sister, and Taian, his mother.
“So what did you need me for?†He asked. “We needed you to deliver this message to the Kingdom in the Sky.†Kurai said. Taian was staring out into the land, it was dark and dead and all the plants were gone, “It hasn’t been the same since the wars…†she thought out loud, Kence took the message from Kurai’s hand and walked off, not even replying to his mother’s thoughts.
Kell walked into the dreary and cold room where his father had told him to meet.
†What did you want to see me about father?†Kell asked his Father, Yuukin.†I have an important task for you. The princess of Destiny Kingdom is having her coronation ball in a week, and I would like you to visit it.†Yuukin said, pacing back and forth. “But father, isn’t the Destiny Kingdom our enemy?†Kell asked his father.†Yes, but during the coronation, Tantray must choose a prince, so that when her seventeenth birthday comes, she will be ready to marry.†Yuukin said and walked over to the table. “So what part do I play in this?†Kell asked, now wishing his father would tell him the full mission rather then the story.†Well my son, you are to play the role of the prince of the Kingdom in the Sky.†Yuukin said smiling. Kell was bewildered, why was he going to pose as a prince from the Kingdom in the sky? “You are posing as the prince so they won’t know you are a spy,†Yuukin said as if reading Kell’s thoughts.
----------------------

was that good?