The lost pop of a skipped beat flows through like a shock My heart drops at the loss of reaction the forced stop slows my ride to the speed of a fraction walking, I cant get traction and the emptiness hangs over me like a cloak I choke Something I wrote in 15 minutes...its my first poem on khv, but for awhile I had been wanting to write one here. Recently I lost my ipod at school and this is kind of how I feel about that. (Even if its a bit exaggerated) Thoughts? Advice? EDIT: This actually looks pretty bad now that I look at it again D:
I actually think it's nice. The "I choke" part seems to go right at home with the forced stop. The ending feels kinda like a "forced stopped" and at the same time something definite. Average, I'd say. Just keep posting and stuff... ~
I don't really think it's bad. But here's a tip: Don't force rhymes. The last 2 lines didn't really match up. Rhymes are hard since the words need to make sense. For me, I'd suggest sticking to free verse. But overall, this is great.
