I guess this is just further use that everyones human and we'll break down every once in a while. This is just more or less venting about stuff. For the past few days, I've been feeling a little depressed. For one thing, I feel like I'm annoying all of my friends who I talk to on MSN/Skype. I notice that I'm talking too much about my faith and I can feel that it gets them uneasy. I never learn when to shut up about certain stuff, no matter how much I try. My real life relationships with my friends seem to be in tact, but I can't help but feel jelious of him. We're going to have so many things coming up, some that I cannot do because of my condition. Last week, I went rock climbing, and my mom yelled at me because I was putting too much stress on my body. I know I'm not suppose to push my body, especially the left side (where I had surgery in February) but she didn't even seem to be excited that I conqured something that was amazing. I think it's my family that's getting to me. My younger siblings treat me like dirt, which is the cold hard truth. They follow whatever's in the main stream media and ignore anything else. They can make fun of anime and Japanese films all they want and I have to take it but I"m not allowed to point out the morality of their favorite music artists (Kesha, Drake, etc.). I even miss out on stuff that I want to do because of my siblings especially my sister. I think they see her as their second chance, since she wasn't born with my condition. Anything she does, she gets supported in. Even if I wanted to do something that I found iteresting, I would be an "embarassment". She plays softball, meaning we travel alot. We can aford a trip to a National tounmament for many girls but we can't aford for me to go to a Christian Youth Convention that I got INVITED to because of my poem?! I'm currently missing a Bible Study because ROTC has something to do at the school. I just sometimes feel like I was the mistake. The only thing I have going for me is my academics. I'm an honor's student right now, which is probably one of the only things that I have going for me. I'm trying to keep it so I have something over my younger sister. In my mind, it's the only praise I get, and I want my parents to be proud of me at least once in a while. She gets everything when I get some. Yes, I have nice stuff, but it's either because I bought it or i EARNED it though my grades. She does very little and gets much more (Me: Got into college, gets a laptop; her: has about a "C" average, gets tons of bats, starting at $100 each). I can feel some of my grades slipping and that terrifies me. I lose my honor's status, I feel I'll lose everything. I want to really be an actor or a writer but I'm going for a career in secondary education because my parent's don't see it as "a real job". They pay for my tuition, so I guess I dont' have much choice. I guess the world's just piling up on me, I don't know how to handle it. Advice would be nice. I'm not suicidal or anything, just a little depressed.
Hey, better than I could handle something like that. I know how you feel, my brother got everything too, even though he's older than me. I felt left out. He hung out with a bunch of kids who lowered his grades, gets a MMORPG. He realizes I get paid $5 for each A I got on my report card (back in middle school) he whines and raises his grades and they get him an X-box. They pay for his college too and his apartment. I'm not even allowed to get a tattoo and they won't even spend money for, I know I don't need it but it'd be nice, a PSP. My mother buys something for the exact same amount of money that she probably won't use very often and i don't get to use it. Sorry that's not helping, but just demonstrating how I know what you mean...sorta. I chose to ignore my sibling and eventually he gives me more respect cause he wants my attention. I demand my parent's attention often by asking how their day was. I'm not sure how to help with that cause I like to be left alone. The career though I can kind of help. Though you're going to school, and doing very well at, for something you don't really want to do, it doesn't mean you can't still be what you want to be. I'm a writer and I've made my parents see that's what I'm good at. My mom steals my stories and brings them to work to let her co-workers to read. Show them what you can do. Amaze them!
Aww, tummer, I dunno if you have my MSN, but if you do, you can annoy me all you want <3 And if you don't have it, VM me and I'll give it to you. I sometimes feel the same when it comes to being compared, but not to my brothers (Hell, one of my brothers is a hobo who lives in my basement), but to my mom. My mom was little-miss-perfect cheerleader with straight As, and I'm a shut-in troublemaker with straight Bs. I can't say it's the same as your situation as my mom is generally pretty supportive no matter what, but maybe it's like TN said, you should show them what you can do, and show 'em good! (Hey, it worked for me! My mom used to hate my cosplaying >_>. Now I'm adorable, apparently.) As for academics, I, personally, would rather not go to college than go for something I dislike. But I understand that situations are different for everyone, and you don't have much of a choice. But like what was said already, show everyone what you got, and make everyone proud of you!
I'm so sorry for you but I know what if feels like to be a mistake, an outsider, inferior even. I'm an only child and I don't have any special medical conditions but I've been bullied most of my life. It hurts like hell and it was horrible. I feel like going through that s--t for about seven years of my life is as good as going through the depths of hell and coming back with a few minor scratches, although those wounds will probably never heal (meaning i'll probably be scarred emotionally for the rest of my life. Even today i'm afraid of being made fun of or being the outcast). I think my grades were my escape as well. I'm in honors everything now and the stress can get to me at times but I do what i'm supposed to and I have no behavioral problems (unlike almost everyone else in my HS, no lie...). My parents always reward me with things I don't deserve and sometimes I really, truly feel like a spoiled brat. I am VERY spoiled but i'm usually not a brat. No matter what just remember not to give up hope man. Life can suck a lot but just remember this, Life can plummet straight down but it'll always have its peaks about it.
Tummer, you remind me of one of my friends. Saying that you think you annoy your friends because you talk about faith. I dunno, but it doesn't bother me. I can talk to people without feeling uneasy about things, so Im here for ya, bro.
