I made this because I made up a girl who is a magician and causes trouble to certain ppl on different worlds and the story goes kinda like this that she targeted sora riku and kairi on certain days and it started on a day that they went to destiny island and thats when it happened. sora riku and kairi were hanging around their favorite spot one day talking about certain things until riku stopped in a middle of a sentence and looked back. sora and kairi looked back also, a girl with light blue hair was behind them and was smiling at them. sora looked at her for awhile then asked "do you want something." the girl gigglied and replied "yes I do....need something to entertain me...."she giggled after awhile. riku felt a chill in the air and also felt something wasn't right about the girl then said "whats your name and what do you mean by entertain." the girl looked at him and replied "my name is Eve and I will see how long it will take the keyblades chosen ones to break my spell.." she giggled again. sora riku and kairi just looked at the girl again then kairi spoke up "eve why would you put a spell on someone?" she asked eve. eve looked at them and smiled again then said "a magicaian must never tell their secrets to anyone." then she took her hand up and twirled it a little then said "for the end of time as we speak and let time fly give them a spell that will end through time but until they break this spell keep this up on certain days." a mist rose then subsided the girl was gone and no where to be seen. sora looked at his freinds and asked "do you think she was serious about the whole spell thing." riku shook his head and replied "can't be she kept on smiling and giggling to much she must have been faking it." kairi looked at them and said "what about the mist?" sora thought for a moment "she might have somefriends who where hidden and did that." they all nodded but something bugged sora it was that the girl knew that they had keyblades and wondered how did she know. acouple of days later weird thing started to happen to them on certain days kairi fell down the stairs and there was no cause that anyone could think of sora nearly drowned and riku nearly got run over. they meet back at destiny islands and found eve "what the heck did you do to us!" riku said to her. eve looked up at them "now you come to see me and ask how to break the spell." she said and smiled. kairi stepped and asked "do you know how to break it?" eve leaned left and right and said "maybe I do and maybe I don't." sora looked at her then asked "if you do then tell us." eve looked up and started to laugh. "what's so funny!" sora said "this is serious!" eve stopped laughing and said "I cast the spells my sister breaks them." riku got impaitent and said "then why did you say maybe you do and maybe you don't!" eve looked at him and said "look I can't tell you strait out and you should know how twin witches are sometimes especially in magic one casts them and one breaks them." kairi sighed and asked "where is your sister eve and whats her name" eve smiled and said "lets see her name is eva but she dyed her hair red and I think she's in hallow bastion." sora nodded and said "then lets go there" eve grabbed soras hand and said "I have to come to" they looked at her. to be countinued....
Writer's Critique... Oh man, where do I begin? -Capitalization: You didn't even capitalize Sora, Riku, and Kairi's names! -Grammar: Before quotes, use commas. Use pronouns a bit more. -Line and Paragraph breaks: It's one huge block of text. It's really unattractive, looks completely jumbled and disorganized. Use line breaks and split text into paragraphs. -Spelling: "gigglied," "Hallow Bastion," "strait." It's obvious you didn't use spell-check before posting this. -Details: It's not bad, but a bit more detail on the where, how and when would clear some things up. It's not a bad idea, but it needs a bit of work.
