In all of my relationships, I've had a problem with jealousy to some extent. I've been made aware of it and have tried to work on it over the years, but sometimes I crack. I've been in a relationship with someone for seven months now, and we've had no problems at all. We've always mentioned when we find someone attractive and it was never a big deal. I thought I had finally dealt with my jealousy, because doing this in past relationships was just out of the question. Now, here I am, and jealousy has slithered back into my heart. One day, my partner was telling me she thought someone was attractive and boom. Something inside just breaks and I'm overwhelmed with jealousy. Then she tells me she thinks someone we both follow on tumblr is attractive, and I couldn't take it. Now every time I see that person post on tumblr I just quietly seethe. Actually, this happens with everyone she tells me that she finds attractive now. When I get jealous, I just end up becoming cold, quiet and reclusive. I start feeling like I am not good enough and that they would rather someone else than I. I put so much pressure on myself, feeling like I have to be perfect. This can last for hours, and it's entirely unhealthy and damaging to the relationship that I cherish so dearly. I do not want to ruin the one beautiful thing I have with such trivial, unwarranted jealousy. I do not know what to do or how to control this. I feel weak.
If you can, try to control yourself. Un-follow the guy on Tumblr, if you want, and try avoiding the ones that make you jealous if you can. Alternately, make sure to tell yourself that looks aren't everything. She has obviously chosen you for more than your looks, if you believe that some people that she thinks is attractive; she thinks is MORE attractive than you. Personality is what I look for, and it may have an impact on her more than it does in your own jealousy. If I seem to've made any mistakes, tell me :x It is no sure thing that she thinks they're more attractive than you, so you should remember that. She chose you to be with - If she wanted, she could have left you a long time ago.
Tell her this. Tell her how you feel. A relationship should have the freedom so you can tell each other about what you see as attractive and what makes you seethe with jealousy. You tell her all this that i've quoted from you, and I tell you, if she doesn't understand or care enough about your feelings she is not worth the time. However, by the sounds of it she'll care. Isay that in any relationship, tell the other person you feel on a subject and how it makes you feel insignificant about yourself, if that other person cares about you they will want to improve the situation you are in.
It sounds like you just have a case of low self-esteem -- no offense. If you're really worried about it, then just tell exactly how you feel. If you're nervous and feel like you can't, you can always show her this thread. Whatever you do, if she's really the girl of your dreams, then she'll understand.
Jealousy is not always low self-esteem. Why the hell would Trigger show her this thread rather than say it? haha :p Anyhow, there isn't anything you can do but be mature about it. Everyone gets jealous, that's a part of a relationship. The only thing you can really do is suppress it. I'm an extremely jealous person myself, but when it comes to it, all you can do is be honest. Tell her you have a tendency to get jealous, because you're afraid. It's simple as that. You're jealous. You're scared of what it might do to you (emotionally/mentally) Just tell her. And be mature enough not to let it control you.
Like what's been said before, you should tell her how you feel about this, and how you tend to become a bit jealous. Maybe find a nice spot to be alone, and talk about it. And also, maybe after all's been said, you guys can listen to Mr. Brightside. Lol, I guess it's a song about jealousy, so...
Thank you for the help and suggestions, guys... I've started to talk about it with her this morning and I am already feeling better. I really wanted to tell her, but I was afraid of how she would react. I don't want to keep her in the dark at all. I know people don't take jealousy well, and I didn't want to burden her, but she seemed very understanding and did her best to reassure me of everything. So, again... Thanks.
If you can't ask people you barely know online, who can you ask? Honesty about feelings is something that a relationship needs in order to survive. It may make the future a little bit easier and brighter for both people.
