I normally help out other friends on Facebook, Xbox Live, and a few times on here but you may help me but what I'm doing here is just venting and examining what I went through, I really have no other place to go so I decided to come right in here to do this. Lately, I've been helping friends with relationships, either fixing them or starting them. Everyone tells me I'm like Dr.Phil I always know what to say and how to say it, they always ask me how do I know these things and I tell them I just know somehow, I don't have the experience everyone else has, it's just I know what I'm talking about somehow. At times they ask me why I don't have a girlfriend, well I told them I don't really know but it doesn't get to me, but of course I was only lying to myself. I just didn't understand why is it that I can do so much to help someone out or help out a girl and they ask me that same question. Right now I'm out of school, I been out for about 5 months....and now a few of my friends are starting to tell me how come you're not in college yet or how come you don't have a job? I mean really I know they're trying to look out for me but it's up to me to decide on when I'm going to go forward in my life. I used to be in Band back in high school and we all used to hang out but now it's like they're slowly moving away from me. I lost my dad a year ago and it's been affecting me alot, though I don't show it to my family especially my grandmother, she starts to cry when she sees that I'm upset about losing my dad. I know it's hard and it's gonna be hard but it's really just.....hard to go through life knowing that he won't be there with me, I know he's there spiritually but it's not the same. I wake up every morning knowing that he's no longer there, and I go to bed at night thinking he's still alive. I even dream of him and then wake up and realize that he's not really alive. It's why I'm not myself much my friends believe I'm just fine but it's only because I'm used to hiding my true feelings from them. I been in love with one of my friends for like 4 years, I told her how I really felt about her but I didn't reveal much, maybe a good 20% at the most. She said she was flattered that I felt that way about her but she couldn't date me because she didn't wanna date anyone yet. So I asked her if she felt anything for me and she said that she can't say that she feels the same so I said well that's okay and she started to kinda cry a bit and she told me that's not okay though because she wants me to be happy and that I'm a really sweet person and that I'm smart and all that stuff, so I reassured her I was okay with and then made her laugh and she then started to take a little bit of liking to me. So about 7 months had passed since I told her that and I would think I had gotten over it but I just can't get her out of my mind. I ask myself why I can't get over her and then asked a friend of mine who's a girl and is like an expert on that kind of stuff, she told me that it's probably because my feelings for her are stronger than any other girl I've liked and I believe her. I once told this girl how I felt about her and she burst into tears and she said she just wished she could tell me how she felt about me but she already had a boyfriend so I just had to leave her alone. I like revealed like 60% of my feelings but yet I got over her in a week, but for Miranda(that's the girl I like right now) is just different. Now I just sit here thinking why is it that I can't get over her. Now I'm done with these walls of text that depict my emotions.
It's one thing to not show / reveal a secret that someone informs you of (e.g.: something embarrassing they did). However, it's not healthy to keep your feelings bottled up like that. Have you tried talking to a counselor or friend you trust? The fact that you admitted you have a problem is good, but you need to take the step and seek help, and I don't mean on here. (Well, yes, part of it can be from here). You need get some outside source of help, whether it be from your parents, friends, teachers, etc.
Well I haven't really gotten much help on it but I'm doing awesome right now because I had this dream and my dad was talking to me about all of that stuff and it was so weird it's like he knew what was wrong and knew what to say just like me.....in fact.....he was alot like me.....wait a minute......nvm but yeah I'll like try to focus my emotions since I haven't done that in awhile and it always helped me but I think I'm good I just like needed vent.
