So, I seriously need a general opinion on this - rather than continuing to ask my few friends who know me very well. Let's put it bluntly - I am a writer, and I never finish anything. at all. I have a few open project, most of which I more or less wade over and think about all the time (but never actually do any writing, but hey, this makes me happy. Plotting and stuff in my head~), but I have one that's going to try to be completed. Also bluntly, it's about me and my friends going on a mass adventure - this story stemmed from the whole castle thing I had going on (Basically I called myself the Goddess, and gave my friends titles, Scott The Jack, Madie The Princess, etc). That, originally, was for shits and giggles. It's now a dead serious sort of story. And despite my beta being a butthole and leaving me the other day, I'm still going through with this. (D o n e with betas. LOL. ) I mean, its' a completely serious story about me and my friends. In an alternate world. It has a few fandom characters (if you can name my avatar, You've got one), but they're mostly supporting roles, and there's also a few fandom mechanics (a few things from a particular final fantasy game) but original locations/world/culture/etc. I mean, I told all 5 of my party members/friends that make an appearance in this (although, there's a few others i know scattered about here and there, but they're not really important) and some have been supportive - well 4 ouf of 5. Scott didn't really say anything, but he's not mad about it, so whatevers about him. I'm also using it as a means of, how do iput it, letting go perhaps? Well not letting go, because i'm not really the type to do that, but ya know, going forward. (Brotrip: I also don't like when people say 'MOVE ON' I don't know why, but the conclusion i've came to with that is really hard to explain, but I digress) or maybe jsut coming to peace with certain things. Scott is going to graduate this year and he's pretty much my only friend in school (Tyler E. is cool too and all, but eh. I won't ever really miss Tyler), and i don't know how else to make myself understand that i'm going to be alone. ya know unless I make a plot where something happens and he's separated from us (the party) for whatever reason. And maybe - I've been really depressed over the past 2 years or so, and i'm only, as of September, really getting better? And maybe this whole thing is a way to tie it all together ya know go on a final adventure and start anew. iuno. Now with a bit of a background, is this wrong? Even though one might say i'm in love with two or one of them, I mean, its' not like i'm going to write a romance plot (because, tbh, it'd be lame, and cliche, and i want to avoid that) and iuno. (Also, when people say that I'm just a teenage girl in love i want to punch a baby in the face because that is the most stupid thing i have ever heard and please don't assume that's what our whole ~friendship~ is all about. idk I hope you catch my drift) I just want to be told. what i'm doing is, okay?? that i'm not completely off the walls crazy and ya know. In essence unless there's a story involved, i've figured out I can't quite seem to do anything emotionally wise (Aka move forward at all). It's just a method that really really helps?? Idk ya'll please tell me i'm not crazy and this is perfectly okay.
YOU'RE FUCKING BATHSHIT BRO (I'm kidding). But I think it might just be a defense mechanism you've deployed to handle these types of situations. Whenever there's something traumatic that happens, we subconsciously build these systems to help us cope with things; some people draw, others may run outside and go for a jog -- as for you, you appear to write stories and frame it around things happening in your life (which is eerily the same for me ._.). And it's perfectly okay to have defense mechanisms. No one knows how to handle every situation thrown at them perfectly, and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. What falls into the "not okay" department is starting to throw yourself over completely to the defense mechanism and use it constantly. It's like taking doses of medicine; it's fine to do it while you're still down with the cold, but if you become addicted to it it gets to be very troublesome. That said, it's fine to write (and even finish!) the story. But just try not to drag yourself over entirely to the fiction.
I'd like to relate this to one of my favorite books, Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut. Vonnegut is a World War II veteran, who was a prisoner of war during the Dresden bombing. He spent years trying to write Slaughterhouse Five--essentially his "war book"--and what he produced was "so short and jumbled and jangled." but that doesn't matter. What matters is that he got it out and--I hope, I've never actually spoken to him--used his writing as a way to cope to with what happened to him, a way to make sense. That's a beautiful, beautiful thing. Writing doesn't have to be for someone else, have symbolism or themes or editing or beta readers. Writing simply is. It can be just what you enjoy doing, a way to cope what is happening to you, anything. If you like it--and especially if it helps with your depression--then have no reservation about doing it.
This is pretty much what I wanted to h ear, what I couldn't piece together myself. So thank you so much Misty. Ilu bby<3
