In my week-long absence, I decided to take a lovely stroll through Mars.

I began exploring this mysterious new world.



Arriving, however, I then realized that the Medieval Europeans had already begun colonizing the planet.

Determined to stop their backwards foolery, I declared a state of war against these imperialists.



But as I ventured farther on, I noticed how large the city truly was. And the Europeans had developed electric pencils that sneezed nuclear mucus! This war was indeed going to be quite tough.



I arrived in a wide hallway, and then I noticed Aztec decor on the ceiling and floor. I always did presume there was a larger motive behind that band name "Stone Temple Pilots".

 

and you did not bring anything back to me, just this t-shirt.



****** >:(

 

Unfortunately my Internet provider does not allow connections on other planets. I would send you an e-mail of a bag of iron dust or whatever you can find in this barren ruin.



I decide to backtrack in my efforts as that winding tunnel leads to nowhere as of yet. I come precariously close to annihilating myself on multiple streams of green urine.



What is not shown is myself crashing through the roof and brutally murdering a lone broom before stepping outside and levitating above the hole.



I ponder to myself why someone has left poisonous green air vents simply floating in the air. Apparently the Medieval Europeans or Aztecs or whatnot have a liking to green things despite being on a planet as red as the Stalinist ideaology.



Somehow by jumping on one of the vents I destroyed it. Quite clearly my presence can somehow warp the reality of this planet. It is now not a wonder that us humans had previously refused to colonize the horrible place.



Finally. A corner that people do not claim as Rosey's when I attempt to sit in it.



Upon much repetition of previous locales, I jump on more air vents and come across a miniature sparkling green Goomba stuck inside a deformed brown bubble and the Medieval European Gothic version of the building that was broken into by Team Rocket in Cerulean City.

I am beginning to believe this planet appears to make as much sense as the Spam Zone.

I will be sending a distress call to all of you, hopefully you may help me on my future decisions.