This isn't really urgent or anything...It's just something I really wish I could fix so if anyone can offer advice then I'd really appreciate it. :3 So I've come to a sudden realization that I am very passive and/or indecisive...A lot of the time I find difficulty arriving at a decision...sometimes even when one option is much more dominant. I hate to ask but I feel like it causes problems...especially as of late. So the main problem is within my relationship...Both me and (Let's call her M) are aware of it...But it can cause misunderstandings and such...Particularly when we talk about current problems, opinions, intimacy or the future and I find myself saying "I don't mind" or "I don't know" very often...And she will insist that I must have an opinion...But the fact of the matter is that if I'm asked if something's right or wrong...I'll immediately start weighing out different factors and find myself unable to reach a sudden decision on my opinion. But the thing is that when I struggle to find an opinion M automatically assumes that I'm uncomfortable with the topic when I'm not and it's a bother for her. I have spoken with her about this and the only thing she could suggest was to try and make little decisions and work my way up to big ones...But I struggle with something as simple as "what do you feel like doing?" or "Do you want to go to the park?" So please if any of you pretty pretty people have any ideas on getting over passivity (Auto-check didn't correct that...There I was thinking I'd invented a work xDD) or indecisiveness then pretty please could you offer them? <3 thank you duckies~
I actually have a very similar, borderline identical problem. People (one friend in particular) will always badger me with like "well what do YOU want to do?" or "what do YOU think?" type questions and I'll always answer "I don't know, whatever." I think it's often misunderstood as indifference--which, sometimes it is,--but it's also frequently that I just don't mind anything. I'm pretty easily pleased, I don't like big or extravagant things, and I'm happy to do the same thing all the time if I enjoy it. What matters is where it's stemming from. If you honestly are indifferent to doing things and all, that could be a problem. But if you're just a kind of "go with the flow," easygoing type person, maybe you just need to explain that to your girlfriend? That you don't mean anything by it and it's not a mark of not caring about her. I do occasionally do it when something is uncomfortable for me or I'm trying to avoid saying what I actually feel, but again, different advice if it's that for you. I think it's just a matter of being around people that understand that about you. Not to say your girlfriend doesn't understand you, she can learn your character through time and conversation, that's part of a relationship, but yeah. Hope this somehow helps a bit, hah.
Yeah I know what you mean about being easily pleased x3 I mean in my sunshiny rainbow bubble most of the time I'm just happy when other people are happy so I really don't mind...But there's been rather a few times when I'm told that I should mind and that I should have a say in what goes on. I'm pretty sure M understands that and all...But the whole "I don't mind, whatever you want" to her sometimes sounds like I'm trying to say "You know what? I don't care about my personal happiness I just wanna make you happy" which isn't really the case...I just thought that maybe I should be more assertive with things...Not to the point where I demand things but to the point I can say "Well I thought we could go swimming but I like your idea better so we should!" rather than "No really I don't mind, we can go for a walk" Geez I can ramble on huh? x3 Though maybe the whole indecisive passiveness isn't something I can just get over...Maybe it is simply a part of my character...Hmmm that is something to mull over...I any case thank you berry much for taking the time to listen to my troubles and offer the advice and I assure you it has helped! It's helped me look at it from other perspectives and that is good~
I think you sort of answer your own questions here, then--you seem like the type of person that, as long as the other person is enjoying his or herself and is happy, you will be too. Some people are just that way. It doesn't really matter what exactly you're doing, how you achieve that ends, but what matters to you is simply spending time with them and seeing them happy (or so it seems). Your personal happiness is linked to her happiness. So perhaps explain that that's where you're coming from with this? If that is the case, I could be assuming too much, hah. Oh I'm not saying you shouldn't try to meet halfway, of course--people can always change and improve--but sometimes you (and the other person) just have to accept that it's not necessarily a fault as much as a trait.
It sounds as if you have no sense of self. You are other people, you do what they want to do. Monkey see, monkey do. But, in order for you to follow others, you must prefer following them to not doing so. So you do make decisions, they are just centered around others. These are some great questions for someone in your position. I think you should ask them of yourself whenever you feel this way: Why am I doing what I am doing? Why do I prefer doing this to doing nothing? Why am I following this person and not another person? If faced with this situation again, will I make the same decision? Why or why not? Based on these answers, what is it that I want? Try to remember that every time you act or do not act, you made a decision, and you can analyze that decision in order to find out what you want. Once you know what you want, you can make bigger decisions, and then ask these questions again about them and repeat until you can take a side in just about anything that might affect you. Good luck.
Actually I think that sounds very plausible...My own happiness being connected with hers...A very possible idea :) I'll try to talk to her tomorrow and see if that gets anywhere :3 thank you :D You're right :) Thanks a bunch I'll have to make a note of these questions until I can memorize them...But this is a good start to helping break this habit :3 Thank you so so much <3 Thank you both :D I think with the advice the both of you have offered I should be able to sort this out ^_^ Thank you so so much :D
When it comes to discussions or personal opinions, it's rarely as simple as "I prefer this over that." In that case, the strategy of dividing the one big decision into many smaller ones may be effective. Instead of shying away from a topic or saying you don't know, state what you do know and decline to comment on things you don't think you can speak intelligently about. I tend to dance my way through discussions sometimes. Or I make a point of trying to learn more, by asking the other person what they have to say about it. I do that a lot with politics; most of my knowledge in that arena is second-hand, or potentially third. When it comes to day-to-day decisions... just do it. Really, there aren't many life-ruining mistakes you can make when it comes to things like "What do I eat today." I mean, unless you eat McDonald's for every meal or something. Don't wait too long for the perfect 100% holy-crap-I-have-to-do-this moment, or else you might just lose motivation. I say that because I do that all the time. Impulsiveness can get you in trouble, but in small doses it also serves as a way to keep you active. It takes practice to get yourself to just make decisions, but it's always better than indecision. Making a pleasing choice feels good, and making a displeasing one teaches you which choices to avoid in the future. Sometimes what bothers people about the "I don't mind" response is that it sounds like you're not invested in what's going on. You're inattentive. Maybe you're coming off as lazy. In other cases, people just want you to make the decision. Just try saying something, even if you're not totally jazzed about it. See if you get a response. Or try it, if there are no objections. If people allow you to take charge and they don't like the result, they have only themselves to blame. Even small instances of indecision can reflect a core issue. That said, it's natural, and not at all unheard of. Just work on it little by little; nobody can expect more of you. Makaze's questions will help. Try to identify yourself, and work towards the goals you want. If you like to see people happy, learn (through trial and error if you must) what makes them happy and when. Direct your energy where you want it to go. And if you've never thought about where you want it to go, hey, no better place to start than there. Just remember, you won't change overnight. It's a habit you have to build. Kind of like a wheel that's sitting still; takes some effort to get it rolling, but then it almost does the job itself. Just gotta keep pushing.
Thank you <3 This is all very helpful :) Thank you so much! :3 You're actually helping solve more than just indecisiveness :) I was considering making a thread expressing my concern for the fact that I have no idea what I want in my future...But your advice here is useful for that too <3 Thanks all three of you :) I do believe that everything is all good now ^_^ Heck I spoke to M...She was surprised that I'd wanna change in the first place then said I didn't have to...I still want to though...Off topic...I was thanking you all for being such a great help <3 <3 <3 I know you were assisting me out of kindness and all but should you ever need anything I'd be more than happy to help :D
