Something short only, but thought I'd post it here too. It’s so dark in here, I can hardly see. It’s so hard to breathe and the air seems desperate to suffocate me. I can’t even see my hands in front of my face, won’t somebody help me? I can’t stand this place. It’s so silent here; I can hardly hear my own thoughts, only empty nothingness that clings to everything. Even the silence seems desperate to choke me. I want to escape; I want to break free of here. I’m so hungry; it feels like I haven’t eaten in forever. So hungry, I wonder if it is only my hunger that keeps me going, the thought that I might get to eat soon. I wonder what it looks like outside? Hours seem to last an eternity in this damn prison, for all I know a century could have gone by whilst I have been held prisoner here. How long must I wait here? The day seems to last so long that I can hardly stand it. How much longer? Is it night time yet? Won’t you please let me out? Please let me out, you only have to open the door a little and I can do the rest myself. I promise it won’t hurt, just a quick bite and then you’ll feel nothing, and I am so sick of having to wait and hide in your closet for the day you forget to close the doors at night.
The first paragraph has a very strong poetic feel. With this short of a piece, you really give us a clear cut sufferage within the first 4 paragraphs, leading me to think you are writing from the stand point of someone kidnapped or enslaved. In a sense you are, but I didn't really forsee the vampiric qualities till the end which was a nice little twist.
That's exactly what I thought. At first it seems to be someone imprisoned. Which, I figured, was a child. but then, I was a little scared when it wasn't congruent. It serves its purpose. And I already told you that, its just like the one that made me turn around.
That is an epic turnabout. I really like the way that even though you have so little here you were able to build up an atmosphere and conceptions which you proceeded to reverse in the end without seeming totally random and stupid. Laud where laud is due.
