So you know the stereotype of a Swede having a short temper after the patience of a God? I've hit that short temper and now I need to vent and get advise. About five minutes ago, I was angry but I've calmed down now so don't worry that this is just a angry, rage filled rant. This topic has already been touched on when I posted in a pet peeves thread: At home, when I was seven my Dad divorced my Mum. He had an affair, so it left me with my big sister and Mum left at home. So of close, we've all been rather close. But in order to cope with what happened, she matured very quickly and I remained a child (whom by family decided to baby). That's where it started with my sister talking down to me. And I don't mean down like teacher to student - I mean like superior being to a moron. At first, I took it as nothing. To be honest, I barely noticed. Yet it started to get worse and worse over the years. She began to treat me like I was worthless. When I got in trouble, she wouldn't care unless it really screwed me over and even then, it didn't really matter. She's been told off for it countless times, but that's few and far apart when my Mum actually notices and since I only see Dad one three day weekend (friday night, saturday, sunday day), he never notices. But even then, it was only once every two weeks or so, meaning I didn't really feel effected by it. I was used to it. But lately, she's been able to get away with it constantly. Every day it's gotten to now. Currently in England, March is a time that closes in with handing college coursework in and preparing for exams. I don't know whether it is stress from that or if she's on her period with a pretty nasty flow but it's never been like that before. She's in her second year, I'm in my first and she NEVER acted like this last year. It's gotten to a point where bullying could put it gently. And finally, my patience with her has worn thin. I often now fantasise about punching her around the face or in the gut. I even want to kick her in her knee at times. (My Dad has a genetic problem in his joints - the liquid that's there wears away occasionally and proves very painful. He has it in his knees and elbows, my sister has it in her left knee, I have it in my ankles, knees and left wrist. Being hit there cripples us like a hot knife through butter, especially if done hard enough.) Now don't get me wrong. I'm not a violent guy. I oppose violence as much as possible. But to be fair, I'm just a bit bigger than my sister and I am definitely stronger than her. I could quite so easily give her a punch she won't forget. But that's against my moral standards. Normally when I get this angry, I take deep breaths so deep that it hurts my gut and that helps to calm me. But I really need better help with dealing with the constant ridicule and depreciation because of this reason: Because of this constant put down, emotional and mental torment, I have discovered myself to become more violent myself. I become irritated quickly, I feel very angst y and crabby most of the time and I find it all to easy to want to punch people. I once back-handed my friend in the face because she wouldn't stop singing the same hook of a song over and over! I'm scared that I may become violent because of the constant bullying I get from my sister. Also, telling my parents won't help. It stops her for as long as we're in the same room. Then she starts off with glares, then it gets verbal again. So long story short, do you have any advise for how I can deal with this? And therefore, stop my own horrifying violent tendencies? A daim for everyone for gives just a little bit of help.
I would say remove yourself from the situation when you feel it getting intense and violent. If you feel like that because she's talking down to you, and you can't just shrug it off, say you have to leave and walk off somewhere, a different room, out of the house if that has to happen, something just you let you get out of what's causing you to feel that way. I personally, have been arguing with my mother a lot recently, she's really annoying me with her telling me i'm addicted to being online, or that I know everything, ignoring my opinions.... recently I've wanted t just leave the situation when I get so angry I can't take it. I'm not a puncher but I shout louder and louder the angrier I get, but it doesn't help much. I've more recently gone into my own room when I've gotten angry and couldn't stand it all. It helped, she was still angry later, but I was calmer and more collected. Apart from that i'm not sure. I usually play games to ease my stress and that helps, maybe that would work too? Good luck one way or the other.
-gives daim- Thanks for that. To be honest, a lot of the time walking out of the room isn't an option. It usually happens when we're in a situation where we can't leave such as doing chores. Other times, she tends to corner me in my room (my house is small, and I have the smallest room being youngest) so I have no means of escape or if I do, it means I'd have to stop doing coursework or other work to go downstairs which is where Mum would be and she'd want to get involved. I would leave the house too, but this time I can't because of Mum. She's over-protective and doesn't like me going out when it gets dark unless it's with others or for a reason (like going to see others). What gets me the most is that the more angry I get is when I start to swear, get louder and eventually my voice cracks and I start to cry a little which is where it's like she's won. She does this to make me feel terrible and when there's an obvious sign of breaking me emotionally (such as crying), that is where I have lost. And the second she notices that, it's over and she goes off. Like today for example: I was so tempted to throw a plate at her then. Quips came back and forth from there but the argument ended because of my voice cracking. Playing games does help occasionally. But I tend to look for comedy to cheer me up. Playing games I know that are stupid and will make me laugh or involve me enough so that I forget about the real world does help. But not enough...
I usually cope in that situation usually by ignoring it. 'It's media!', she replies saying 'it's graphics', what you should do now is ignore it by saying 'IT doesn't matter' 'ok' 'whatever' and just continue on with the conversation or make your own up. Might be worth a try?
So, basically she keeps waving a red carpet at you and you keep rushing in every time ? Who the **** cares whether it was for Media or Graphics. If she keeps giving you hell over such trivial details it just reflects her own insecurity, not to mention her immaturity. Just ignore her, and if you can' t then just indulge her : she wants to play who' s the dumbest ? She' s gonna lose ! If she wants a baby that' s exactly what she' ll get. XD Take it as a game, get some lulz out of it, that should help you keep your cool no matter what, She should figure out eventually that you' ve turned the roles on her, that oughta sting.
Depends on her. Rarely have I found doing so healthy for relationship since the other person can feel insulted and hurt, meaning they come back doubly strong with the criticism as well as how boring it can get if she never backs down. Only from my experience with my mother, who I've argued with for the last....coming up to properly arguing the last 11 years.
Well, I wouldn' t recommend turning it into something nasty, if that' s where it starts going I would stop it and spell it out loud : "Look, if you were so much smarter than me you would have known better than to consistantly put your own brother down at the slightest occasion. Walk in my shoes for two seconds, I had to fight back, one way or another. Trust me, you' re glad I didn' t pick the other. Right now the ball is on your side. You can call for a truce, or lose a brother. Your choice. It' s hard for me to give more than a vague guideline, it' s a case by case scenario. But then I' ve never had my tongue in my pocket and I' m quite good at quips (at least in French), but if if Kanji Tatsumi is nowhere near as articulate as I am then maybe expressing his anger directly and jumping at what I just said is a better idea. And btw, not sure if there is a cultural difference there, but now that he' s a 17 years old young adult surely she can refrain from barging into his room unanounced and uninvited. As for your mum, sorry but you haven' t given me nearly enough to know what the problem is exactly, though whatever it is I doubt I would recommend the same approach.
