Hey, I kinda feel weird posting this kind of stuff but I really have no one else to turn to. Note: I am not trying to spark any heated conversations or arguments. I am a Christian and we as Christians believe that it is wrong to lust after someone. I took an oath last summer in front of my family, my church, my friends, and my dad who is a pastor. That I would remain abstinent until marriage. That also includes lustful thoughts and lustful actions. I was doing just fine and this is all new to me. I have a friend who is a girl that Ive known for an incredibly long time. Ive always had like a brother and sister kind of relationship with her, I was always protective of her because boys would try to disrespect her and take advantage of her because they think she is attractive. She is currently dating one of my best friends. I have somehow developed a crush on her. Which is strange because Ive known her since we were kids and I have never thought of her that way. I also had a dream about her and that dream consisted of some things that I would never do, nor ever have wanted to do. I know its just a dream and being a teenager causes my mind to wander into places I don't want it to but I feel like I cant look her in the eye now. She thinks I don't like her or am upset with her because I act so distant now. Like I said she is dating one of my best friends so how could I even have those kind of things on my mind. I feel like I'm betraying him even though I'm not doing anything. I feel like I'm breaking my oath because I am constantly remembering the dream and letting my mind wander further. I also get upset whenever she is upset so I am making her upset because I'm not being much of a friend to her anymore. Dang that's a long post...Please don't think of me as the creepy weird guy with issues. Anybody wanna help a bro out?
Have you tried talking to them about it? The number one step to resolving an issue with someone is to talk to them about it.
I considered that, but I figured it would be really awkward to tell them about the dream and i figure my friend would be upset to find that I like his girlfriend and I was the one who set them up...Do you really think they would look at me the same?
You are right. And can you tell me if I am allowed to do this, is this considered double posting or something, am I breaking any rules? I don't to add any extra work to Misty's pile of stuff.
Nah dude you're fine. Personally, I would tell someone. If it's eating at you so badly that things seem to be going over the edge, the best thing is to not keep it to yourself. However, the person whom you address it to is key. I dunno how close you are with your father, but I would go to him. (My father is a pastor too, so I totally know the feel bro in situations like these.) Basically, you can't control your dreams (more or less, but that's another story), but sometimes I find telling someone who has more wisdom than my person about a dream that bugs me, it seems to dissipate from my mind. You can't escape temptation, but you can choose to say no. Sounds like all around, you're doing good, and a dream ain't even a bump in the road if you don't let it be one.
You are right, I would like to tell someone but I have trust issues with my peers and I doubt my dad would understand. But I really appreciate the support. That last line is well said, I needed that. Thanks.
I'm certain your father would understand. He was once a young man, and dreams happen to all of us. But the reason why it would most definitely be a better option to tell him is: -He is kin -He will most likely look at this in a mature and rational manner -He can pray for you and help you through the bumps thus strengthening your relationship with the ol' man even more so. I'm not sure if your dream means you are feeling something for this fine young gal, or if it's a whim. I have had dreams where I "went out" or kissed a female friend of mine and I wake up slightly confused and somewhat disturbed but oddly happy bubbly inside. After about a day or two, all of that goes away and the only memory is having a dream about the situation. Don't let it bother you.
I'm not even sure if this means I like her or not which is sad, lol. But I can't say its as easy as kissing or dating...ill just leave it at that. Its something that has disturbed me subconsciously. Remember we were/are like brother and sister. We might as well be kin, we have been through ups and downs, thick and thin, rough and smooth, we have been places you dare not to leave two teens of the opposite sex alone, but nothing... We are that close but, now out of random...But I really don't want to have feelings for her yet I do. It's like random incest thoughts but not really. Does that make sense?
Regardless of what people in your church tell you, it's not wrong to have desire for girls. You're becoming a man, and these thoughts are natural. There are some good things that churches teach that are good for people, and then there are things like this, that go against human nature. I don't mean to offend you or your faith, but once you get older and you do some thinking on your own, you'll start to realize that some of the things churches teach may be a little silly. About it being your friend's girlfriend, it's just a dream, and hey even then, I've wanted to bang my friend's girlfriends before too. I would never do it, but if you find someone attractive, there's nothing you can really do about it. To be honest, it's not a good idea to talk to anyone about this. Not your friend, not the girl, no parties involved. It will just make things awkward. Telling this girl that you were avoiding her because you had a dream about her could ruin your reputation at school if they end up betraying you and tell people. So don't sweat it, man.
No, there's a difference in lust and human nature. God made our bodies to long for the opposite gender he doesn't have a problem with that at all. He doesn't have a problem with what your body may do or what it may do to your mind. Its only when you deliberately think "naughty" of her and all of the things that you are supposed to do with your wife.
This, essentially. I mean, should you have dreams like this in the future (which you probably will because lol being a teenager), you mostly just have to ask yourself whether the dream is rooted in true feelings. If you really see your friend as a sister-like figure and nothing more, then that's that. If you could see yourself pursuing her one day, well, that's a whole other animal, because she's your friend's girlfriend, but from the looks of things it was just a dream. Not every dream means something, and even if you have a fleeting sexual attraction to someone, that doesn't mean you necessarily want to get down & dirty with them. I'd try your best to normalize things with her, and the key to that is forgiving yourself. You took an oath, yes, but it is something to strive for; as long as you are dedicated to the goal and do your very best, that's all that matters. You can't control where your mind wanders at night, so you shouldn't beat yourself up for it. If you really believe in remaining abstinent until marriage, that's all that matters. You may have some slips along the way but that's only human. Give yourself some time and the awkwardness from the dream will pass, as long as you give yourself a break and don't dwell on it. Apologize to your friend if you've seemed a bit distant lately, just say you've felt off the past few days (or however long it has been).
these feelings or type of situations happens to all of us. you're just the bravest one out of all of us to be talking about it. don't worry tho bro because these things are natural. if you weren't going through them something would definitely be wrong. when you're at the age of going through changes it's natural to feel guilty or 'awkward' about these situations but that's just part of it. keep moving forward and know it's all gonna be allrite. plus, im a christian too and what eases my discomfort in situations like these is knowing we're all sinners and not perfect. that's why we need God in the first place.
Thanks guys, I'm feeling a little better about it, I know it's just a dream and I shouldn't worry. Thanks for the support!
