alright well i've had this story in my head since i was 10 but it was SERIOUSLY jumbled up (i WAS tem) and i've waiting for the right ime to type it up and show it to someone (for fear of being called a freak) so i guess ill just post this now *************NOTE!!!!!!!!!:::: I AM 13 !!!!!!NOT!!!!!! 19 or anything so please to not expect me t be the next Eragon author-like. ok here you go(im NOT done yet): Even as a child, Nate, knew he didn’t belong. He was born human, a disgrace to his family. He felt as if he should just run away. But, he stuck with it. For 8 hard years the Energy Beings teased him, for he could never POSSIBLY get nearly as strong as them. He couldn’t even beet them in sword fighting and they didn’t even have hands! He, though, always knew the only reason he couldn’t win was because he didn’t have a suitable weapon. He started training with the bow, but he still could take down a Wild Dragon like the others could with one shot. He tried poleaxes but all his training left him with were a bunch of cuts. After a harsh day of axe fighting he decided to screw it. He was going to try to do magic. But, as he was trying he found that not only was he human, but he could not use magic either. On top of all of that, he was very ill. Everyday he was getting weaker. He knew that there was only one way to ever get as strong as the others, and that was impossible. When silver was first born, she was a cripple. Unable to shape shift from her dog form, she decided to train as a dog. She ultimately got used to it, for it was all she knew of. She decided to start to try and shape shift again but she just couldn’t. She, having a low self-esteem already, was getting teased and never got to know what it was like to be a wolf, or a cat. She couldn’t do anything, even with the others as dogs she couldn’t train with them, she was just too weak. She knew that there was only one way to ever get to explore her abilities, and that was impossible. Devon was walking on the path, going to school. She spotted an elderly woman, suffering. She darted to her aid. When the Old Woman saw Devon helping her she screamed and ran away with inhuman speed. Devon, now curious and stunned, tried to follow her but the Old Woman kept going she tried to make her stop but it wasn’t possible. After a while the lady turned and threw something at Devon. Devon was shocked because the “Old Woman†was in fact not old at all but actually around 5 years older than her. Then, the Teenager sunk into the ground into darkness. Devon, entirely shocked with what she had just seen was so scared she didn’t know what was going on around her. What broke her out of it was the sun reflecting in her eyes, it was the locket the Teenager had dropped. Devon went and picked it up and read it â€They are Waiting for each other…..†she opened the locket and saw a picture of a sick looking kid around her age and a cute dog. She read the inscribed words on the inse of it: â€â€¦â€¦and You.â€
Wow, this is good, and very intriguing...although you accidentally misspelled 'beat,' and the grammar needs to move just a bit smoother, but anyhow, I love it...it hooks the reader and makes them wants to know what happens next...keep it up! XD Already you're sounding very Harry Potter-like! :)
well...its not really like that but... oh well thanks a lot and yes i know my grammer fricken sucks but oh well
Nah, it doesn't suck. It can be improved, but it's not like it's really that bad. I'm just a bit of a perfectionist sometimes, which is always a bad fault of mines. XD Anyway, keep it up! :)
thanks and if anyyone reads it and wants me to continue like right this second i will... none of my friends on dablo 2 are on..... edit: ok welli have to go to bed so ill just put here what i just typed up: He had enough. He knew that today was the day. He had practiced but he never got it. Nate knew that he would never get the magic he needed. He decided to run away tonight because he couldn’t stand it anymore. He was going to run away as soon as possible. His parents would undoubtedly not try to follow him but would probably help him pack or even just kill him because they hated him so much. When he ran away he wanted to stop by and go to the Orb of Faith to pray but of course it was after hours and heavily guarded. “Plus,” he though, “what do these so called gods even do to deserve my faith. If they are indeed the ones who have brought me to being a human then I would rather destroy them then worship them.” And so he left with hardly any food, for he couldn’t find much at all. he ran into the forest look for a good spot when he heard a noise….. Silver was growing, finally. But, she was not changing and soon she would die because of her disease. The others teased her more and more these days. Instead of consoling her she was being bashed. She decided to run away. But, first she went to the Pool of Fire to pray but it was being guarded. “Oh well. They don’t deserve to be worshiped for what they did to me.” ,she thought. So she started out to the woods where she saw a human. Very sick, but dressed unlike any human she had ever seen pictures of. She decided to get a closer look but she accidentally snapped a twig and he looked over her way with scary gray eyes. guess i'll just update now: Devon was absolutely shocked. There was no other way to explain it. She went back to her orphanage and pulled out her box of secret items. Basically, she kept things in there from whenever something very weird happens to her. She opened the box and looked through it, she saw her charm bracelet that a young boy gave her but all the charms showed worlds and animals she could never even imagine seeing. Another trinket was a very nice shirt that was so strong that when she tried to rip it to make it look a little older, it didn’t work. Also, she pulled out some jeans that made her feel oddly, protected. She then pulled out a very pretty headband and also some braces for her arms which had very, strange designs. So, she put her necklace in the box and thought of the Teenager once again. She had jet black hair and wore dark blue robes that covered her entire body and had these bright electric blue eyes. So she was just about to try to forget it when she heard a voice; “Lights Out you dirty rotten kids!!!” “Some day,” she thought, “ill show you who’s dirty rotten.” “What the heck is a small dog doing here?” Nate thought. He walked over to the dog with overwhelming curiosity to how it survives out here. “Hello, little buddy.” Nate said The dog did not growl but only looked a little frightened and kept on looking over in the dense jungle. Nate decided to try and pet the dog to see what would happen. As soon as he touched the dog there was an odd sensation but as he kept petting the dog he noticed the sensation was not a sensation at all, but emotions. He felt like he was having mood swings for a while he was feeling happy and warm but then frustrated and hot, then sad and cool. Then he felt the most obscure emotion of all hate and isolation filled with darkness. He felt he wanted to examine that more but as he was there was a growl. As soon as he heard it he retaliated thinking that the dog was going to bite or something but then he noticed that the growl wasn’t coming from the dog, but rather, from the dense jungle….. Silver was very shy as the young strange kid dressed in a silver button-up-like shirt and black jeans with semi-short straight hair with the bangs pointing forward. He was undoubtedly the most handsome human she would ever see. He talked a little then started coming near her and then he decided to pet her. She didn’t think much of it until she felt the things flowing into her from him. “Oh no.” she thought. He’s supposed to be a human form Energlite. But as he kept petting her she could see he was feeling some emotions they shared together. She also felt better; she noticed her crippled being was becoming whole. She was being healed. She was amazed but slightly cautious because she knew the elders would never approve and she knew, she could change forms now. But, then she heard it again the low growl of great Equeraltion, the great elder. She could tell the Human Energlite was confused and scared for what he just experienced, but, was feeling more powerful. As her eyes opened, Devon found herself not in her usual clothes. She was, instead wearing her clothes and her other trinkets from the box she kept. She decided to get up. But, she could not. She found herself bound up and could not escape. She thought that the Old Woman finally found out that it was HER who had dyed her hair pink, but then she looked at the person tying the knots to keep her sustained she recognized the young Teenage girl that had run away from her. “What is happening?” Devon questioned. “Oh, not much we re just trying to find out how you are so special that these clothes are on you and with you.” said the girl. “Well these clothes were all brought to me in strange ways. Including the necklace you threw at me.” “Well, that necklace was supposed to go to someone else.” Said the girl “How about you just tell me the real reason you have me tied up?” Devon asked. “We want to know.” The girl answered. “Who is we and, want to know what?” Devon inquired. “’Our’ name has no importance to you and as for what, we want to know how you are linked.”
ok here is my next part, jut letting you know peoples... i put my other other part up there so if your lost you might want to reread that last post: He was near perfect. Great strength. Very smart. And there was only one thing wrong with him; he existed. He had just woken up a few seconds ago. He was in a remote dessert. There was no one around but he knew one thing already: Hew should not be alive. For, he is only a few Minutes old and yet he looks like he is 13 years old already. He knew that there used to be more of his kind but now, he is probably the last one. At the moment he decided to just figure out a name for himself. “Vincent.” He said. He was fine with it because he didn’t want a name alike his Similar. He decided he would try to find the nearest city. And so, Vincent was born... Nate was terrified. He had no clue what had just happened. He looked over. There was a 100 foot beast with bright electric blue fur and yellow stripes around him,. Just looking at him filled him with static. He quickly learned how to harness that energy. He tried again what he had been practicing for so long and harnessed to static energy and created magic. He was so stunned he had no clue what was going on. He decided he would make himself a weapon so he made it out of fire and darkness. He didn’t have time to do anything else because the beast quickly sent a fury of lightning at him. He saw the dog, which he now knew her name was Silver, turn into a wolf 2 times the size of a normal one and pitch black. “Come on my back!” Silver exclaimed in Nates’ mind. Nate didn’t have time to react so he just did as the Wolf said and hopped on her back and she sped away. He could see her thoughts and knew all her memories and all knowledge she knew. Silver kept on going and Nate saw that she was going back to his village. The thought of those kids and others that had teased him triggered his new-found emotions. He felt like darkness was overcoming him but then the darkness burst out of him with anger/fire and so he became a new person. Vex. Vex overcame Nate’s body and unleashed a hell raising attack and destroyed the village leaving no survivors and then he saw Silver and thought of curiosity and kindness and how well they understood each other even though they only knew each other for a few minutes. And Vex settled down. Soon he left the body of Nate and Nate was back in his body. So scared. But, now knew of the power he held within him. Devon was lying on her bed with tests going on all around her. She was frightened, but did not show it. She was having these dreams, of 3 different beings. Two of those had been in the locket only they had changed. They had linked together. The other one looked similar but wasn’t old at all. She couldn’t understand it. The Teenage girl walked in. “Where are they?” she asked. “Who?” Devon asked. “You know who, you have been having dreams correct?” “I’m sorry but I think you are mistaken.” “No I am not; you are wearing the clothes of the Legend.” The teenage girl clarified. After that Devon had been feeling a cold sensation she decided to look at it and found she had a new skill. She summoned that skill, curious. And she found magic. Devon tried to use magic on the Teenage girl but as soon as she tried to freeze her the Teenage Girl brought out her sword and sliced at the cold breeze. “Well, well, well, it seems you ARE more powerful than I had thought.” The teenage girl remarked, “I think its time I show you to a new place.”
Ooh, awesome...don't forget to have a comma at the end of the dialogue and it ends with a period (and it ends with a 'someone said'), but anyway...great job. It's getting more and more intriguing...keep it up! XD I hope you're enjoying writing this as much as I love reading it! :)
Great job! Wow, you're story is really good! Like Nymph said, the grammar can be improved, but it is definitely not the worst I've ever seen. Your story is actually legible and the grammar mistakes aren't too large. I'll be looking to see how it turns out.
thanks, i might be able to update tonight but maybe not becuase im kinda worn out from a wrestling tornament
