I hate making threads like this...

I've been trying to handle my depression over the past few weeks. There are good days where I feel like I'm going to get better, but on most days, I just keep sliding into my depression. I've been taking my sleeping medicine, but now I feel like I need more of it because I don't like the way I am feeling now.

This weekend hasn't been a very good weekend for me. I'm falling behind on my classes, which I had to start late anyway, my family and I just went through a move, and I've had nothing really to distract me. When u was taking a shower, it was the first time in about a week that I just broke down crying,

Then, yesterday, I started to think about stopping taking my heart medication. It's the only thing that's keeping me alive and moving right now, and to tell you the truth, I have no motivation to wake up tomorrow and continue my life. The one thing I fought so hard for in my life was taken away, so I see no reason to be trying anymore. I figured if I stopped taking it, my heart will quickly start hardening again and it'll just stop beating.

I don't know what to do; I'm just so tired of being depressed all the time. I've tried distracting myself from it, but it always finds a way to put a thought in my mind that brings me back to this feeling. There are people who have tried to help me, and I feel like I keep letting them down. There is just one person who could probably make sense to me, but they refuse to talk to me.

I told my social worker about my depression when it started and she told me that I shouldn't numb myself, but now I think that's the only thing that's going to keep me from doing something stupid. If the choice is between feeling completely numb or being dead, I don't freaking care which one to chose.

I just want these terrible thoughts and feelings to go away.

 

I'm sorry you feel that way. But I agree with Llave de Espada, don't give up now! You have so much of your life left to live. I don't really know or understand how you feel, but I'm sure that eventually you'll be happier than you are now.


You're in my prayers,

Sonicfan23

 

That really sucks. But let me tell you one thing: please PLEASE don't kill yourself. I know this is gonna sound harsh, but it's selfish to kill yourself. I mean, there ARE people that love you, right? Don't make them sad.

A suggestion: try to make other people feel better. That'll make you less depressed, I guarantee it.

 

What do you do to try and distract yourself from it? Rather than doing what you're doing BECAUSE you dont want to be depressed, find something poisitive that you genuinely enjoy about it. Focus your energy on that positivity, and you are set! For example: you may play video games to distract yourself. Think about what led you to buy that game in the first place. Think about how much you enjoy that game. Positive energy....and there you go!

Other things you can do: Go swim, go play, go exercise. Teach yourself how to play a musical instrument, get addicted to a TV show, go to your local park and go on the swings!

I also agree with Neku, cheering someone up helps alot!(believe me)
Last week, my ex (who is now a very good friend of mine) was really upset because his grandmother had passed. I cheered him up the only way I knew how to: I played tetris with him online like we used to and texted him every night to make sure he was okay. He really appreciated it, a lot.

Little things you can do for other people can put a smile on your own face. Dont give up now. Take your heart medication and think about people you love. The reason why you have this depression is because you keep circling around your own problems. Try to think about the positive aspects of your life. It sounds like crap, but really think about it. Dont give up now, its not worth it

 

I know that suicide is a selfish thing to do, it's the reason why I haven't really thought about it until now. And I've always been a person who jumps to help people. The problem is that my mindset has backfired on me and forced me into something I didn't want to happen. I helped someone as much as I could, and it just bit me in the ass. And I think this person would be happier if I just died. I hate waking up every morning and knowing that I'm going to be depressed and have crazy mood swings,

I can't do much because I'm on a medication pump. I usually just watch movies and read, along with school, but now I just have no motivation to do anything. There's not too much for me to be happy about, and there's no one to blame but me.

 

I forgot something: don't help people that want to kill you. And he's just one person. We all have a person we hate in our lives. Just don't let him influence you to kill yourself.

Sorry, I'm not a specialist, just trying to help. Because I kind of have that mindset as well.

 

Depression is truly a ***** to deal with.

Thing is; it won't magically go away. It takes a while. Sometimes a long while. You're going to have to roll with the punches. Accept the fact that you have no motivation. Accept the fact that you feel like you are in a bad place. That's a hard thing to do, but it definitely helps. When you are able to accept it, then you have more of a chance of getting out of it. Baby steps.

Things have already been mentioned, but I'm gonna mention what helps me.

(Already mentioned): Accepting it
Regular Exercise. (Researchers at Duke University have shown that 20 minutes brisk walking a day is better than antidepressants.)
Eat healthy.
Therapy (you already said you have a social worker, so I'm guessing you're doing this already)
Self-Help skills. (You want to google this)

Now, that's how I deal with it. (I suck at exercising and eating healthy, because it's hard eating healthy as a college student, hah)

Now for what people won't like hearing/reading, because it seems rude.

And as far as stopping taking your medication... That's just selfish. (Indirect) Suicide is selfish. Do you really want to cut your life short at the age of 20? That is, quite frankly, stupid.

You gain nothing from it. It's just an easy way out. And what does it lead to? Yet another family left behind. I've seen what suicide does to the next of kin - It drives them crazy. It makes them feel so guilty, you have no idea.

Alright, I'm done with the "mean"/honest part.

I suggest you do the things I've mentioned. It's important to remember that it's a gradual progress.

 

Like I said, I know that suicide, any kind, is a selfish thing to do. One thing that is really bothering me is these mood swings. Right now, I feel level headed, but this morning, I couldn't think of any good reason to get out of bed. And I feel like I'm no good for this world anyway.

I've accepted that I have depression. I'm just tired of feeling like it. It's really messing with my mind, and my mind was already screwed up without it.

 

Don't know for sure, but isn't that normal for a teenager? The mood swings, I mean. Not the really bad depression.

Again, no one here's a specialist. Maybe you should see a therapist?

 

After reading all of the previous posts, I didn't know what to say. And I don't know how good advice this is, but try hanging out with some friends, as long as they aren't jerks about it, I mean, will they actually try to make it worse?
But as I said, I don't know or understand what's going on, so my advice might not be worth it.

Hope you feel better soon,

Sonicfan23

 

Well, I'm 20 years old, so I'm not a teenager anymore. I've always been an unstable person, but with the person I trusted, they made me feel stable, like life was going to be okay. I'm planning in seeing a therapist some time this week.

I can't really hang out with anybody at the moment. I'm taking online classes this semester, so I have no need to go to the campus. And I live on a military base, so anyone who lives here that's my age is most likely in the military and won't be able to hang out. I have no license to drive, and there's nothing to really do around here.

 

That's why Skype exists. ;)

I'm seeing a pattern that I used to have. You keep saying "no". How about saying yes? Just TRY to do the suggestions that'll probably make you feel better. If you REALLY can't do it, then it's OK to say no. But if you haven't tried, just try.

 

Trust me, I have been trying. I've tried not to stay home most of the time. However, my ability to go out really relies on if my parents could drop me off and pick me up at certain places at certain times. I talk to a lot of my friends on Skype.

With everything I've gone through for the past two years, there was only one person that I trusted to help me with everything, medically and personally. Now that that person is not talking to me, especially during a time when I need them the most, I just can't seem to function.

 

Sorry man.


I really don't have much else other than I hope you feel better eventually. I'm seriously not the best person to talk to about this.

Again, I REALLY hope you feel better soon.

Sonicfan23

 

If only I could just fly to where you are and give you a big hug. Oh well. Virtual hug!

I hope you feel better soon, because I'm out of ideas. :(

 

"Isabelle: I wonder what my purpose is...
Hugo Cabret: Everything has a purpose, clocks tell you the time, trains takes you to places. I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured if the entire world was one big machine... I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason, too."

This is a very wonderful quote from one of my favorite movies.

Even if you feel useless, and that life has no more meaning for you. Let me tell you this life has a meaning for everyone. Everyone in this world matters and that includes you. If you feel useless and alone, then your time to do something important hasn't come yet. If you feel like nobody cares anymore, this forum is filled with people who care, even people you haven't met yet like and the other people who commented here care.


Hope you get better soon.

 

No one is ever happy to see someone die. Even if your trusted person isn't talking to you right now, if you died he/she would be devastated and likely spend the rest of his/her life thinking about it.

As for a reason to get up in the morning, just pick something and roll with it. I knew a guy whose only motivation for getting up in the morning was to clean his kitchen sink. I kid you not. He would wake up in the morning, think "I need to clean my sink" and get up and do it. His sink was always clean enough to eat off of. It may seem silly, but it got him up, gave him something to do and allowed him to carry on with his day.

You could also try getting a pet. They're always in need of attention (Food, water, cleaning up after them, pets) and are (almost) always happy to see you. They give you something to do, something you have to wake up for and have the added benefit of giving you love and giving you something to love. Basically, you feel needed, and being needed is big.

I know we haven't talked much, but I want you to be happy, or at least content with your life. It would make me incredibly sad to hear that anything had happened to you.

 

Right now, it just feels like there is no purpose for me. Most of the day, I feel like an empty shell of someone I used to be. And I tried talking to a lot of my friends, but only a few of them ever write me back these days. I'm starting to just get the feeling that I overstayed my welcome.

And, where I live, having pets is a $200 fee, so that's a bit out the window right now for my family. We all want a dog, but we just don't have the money to pay that fee. And, my only motivation right now to even move out of bed is to hope that my friend comes to their senses and we're able to fix everything. I've tried moving on, I honestly, really have, but something just keeps pushing me back into my depressing rut.

 

Oh tummer, I don't exactly know how to respond to this either but I hope I can help in a way.

I know how you're feeling. Depression feels like you can't escape it and it just has you in its grasp and it sucks. I've been feeling the same things for a while back. I started to loose hope in things and I liked not doing a lot (which is very unlike me) and sleeping my days off by taking pills and not eating and things like that. I didn't even want to get up the next morning to do... life.

I wouldn't say depression is a phase. Because it's real and what you're feeling is real and it happens. I honestly think you're getting better already - you're accepting these things and I know you can do this, tummer. I know we haven't talked a lot lately but you're such a lovely guy. You do have so much to live for - I promise. You may not see it at the moment but you do. Something that does help is talking about it. When I talk about my problems, even just blogging about it, I feel like someone out there is listening and someone cares. It doesn't matter if it's true or not but it helps. It gives me something to live for - like, when I talk about it I feel like if something new comes up I need to talk about it again. And lucky for you tummer, there are people around who are here for you. I know I am willing to be, if you want.

You can talk to me any time. Just message me or whatever and we can chat. I'll listen to you and help you out. Or just listen if that's what you want. Sometimes that's what I want - someone to just listen and try not to fix me.

This depression thing is a demon that takes forever to drive away. Sometimes it never does completely, but I think going through it alone is going to make it tough. Talk about it and express yourself. Don't keep it inside - the demon lives on that.