I've brought this up before in another thread I made in this section...But since then the problem has escalated exponentially. As I stated before, the relationship between my parents...Well, it's nonexistant. My parents absolutely hate each other. The reason why is my father's alcohol addiction. On a nightly basis, he goes to whatever liquor store he chooses to go to, and spends about 8 or 9 dollars on alcohol, only to suck it all down and go back AGAIN to buy more. What's worse is that he's using the little amount of money my mother earns to buy it, and when he's doing this on a nightly basis, he's spending around $56 to $63 dollars a week. I come from a lower class family, so he's spending a big chunk of my mother's income on this stuff. But that's only the beginning. Lately, things have been getting much worse. He's been threatening to kill my mother on a more and more often; just tonight he picked up a knife and kept repeating "I'll kill you, b*tch" over and over, just because my mom asked for her debit card back (The debit card is what he keeps using to buy the liquor). After she finally got it back, he chased her into the other room and began punching her in the back. Fortunately I was there and was able to pull him away before he did any serious damage, but it's scaring me how much more violent he's becoming. I'm afraid that at some point he really is going to try to kill her...If he were to do that, I don't know what I'd do...I don't want to kill my own father, but if he were to do that to my mother I'd surely snap. I told my mother that she needed to call the police after the incident was over, but she keeps saying it'll "make things worse". Please, anyone help me...I don't know what to do.
If things have gotten physical, your mother should call the police. It sounds like your dad is merely a drain on the family, at this point. I don't know how far his arrest would go but if he can be put into some kind of rehab program, it certainly won't make things worse. I think your mom might just be afraid--which is totally understandable and common for a woman in her situation. I would try sitting down and speaking to your dad about his problem first, though. Try to get him to seek help. If he can't or won't, then the police may be the best option. Nobody should have to endure that kind of abuse, and I include you in that, not just your mother.
She's actually told me that her and I are going to talk to him tomorrow when he's sober. She said that if he doesn't take the initiative to get the help he needs, then she'll find a way to make him get the help (Though I think that may have been her anger talking). I certainly do hope sitting him down and talking will get him to see that he needs help...Because I hate thinking bad things about my dad, but he doesn't leave me with very many good things to think about when he acts the way he does when he's intoxicated. The thing is, he can have a civilized conversation with somebody (Including my mother) when he's sober, and nobody's got a problem with him because he's not being mean. It's when he's intoxicated that he turns into the complete opposite.
Then have a sit and talk with him. He needs help, and if he doesn't do anything to stop his alcoholism its only going to get worse-for him, for you, for your mum. Get him therapy, rehab, or something. You must call the cops if it gets really bad though, because they'll help you guys out (or I've been watching far too much SVU lately :P ). Still, they can help you out. Before you do anything though, talk to him while he's sober. Explain to him that when he's drunk he scares the crap out of you and your mum. Depending on his reaction, get him help. Like I said, if he refuses to do anything about it, that's when you call the cops.
We'll be talking with him when my mother gets back from her doctor's appointment...So I guess all I can do now is wait and hope that he'll come to his senses.
This might seem like an odd question, but what alcohol specifically does he buy? The reason I ask is because I know of quite a few people that become aggressive drunks ONLY with certain types and brands, and so trying to get him into changing to one that affects him less in that way may be a good place to start. The only issue would be figuring out what does affect him less, which would only be possible through trial-and-error, which would likely be no better. Failing all else, if your mother can't or won't call the police herself after you've tried to talk to him, you need to do it.
I can only expand upon what others have said above. Have you talk with him and explain everything you can. How it makes you feel. How it makes your mum feel. What it's doing to your family financially and emotionally. Hopefully, it'll be enough to hit him hard and make him feel he has to change his ways. If things don't change however, and the violence kicks in again... Then I'm afraid there is only one option left. If your mother won't call the police, you need to be the one to do it. I know that isn't easy, but you have to put your safety and your mother's safety first. This needs to be taken care of before something irrevocable happens. If you're scared he's actually going to go too far one day, you must make sure he doesn't get the chance. Again, I know that saying (in this case... writing) words are easier than the action, but I believe that if he doesn't change after a true heart to heart, then you've got to do the only other thing you can. Try to stay strong buddy... :/ I hope everything works out. You have all our support if that means anything to you.
He buys Whiskey, but as for the brand I've got no idea. It's never really the same from what I'm able to see. We've actually tried that before by having him buy drinks with less alcohol in them. He lasts about a day before going back to the Whiskey again. He only acts the worst when my mother tries to stop him from going out and buying more, and lately the things he's resorted to doing to get the alcohol have become more and more violent. When he's intoxicated and not arguing with her, he just acts like a ******. My mother told me that if he refuses to get the help he needs, she'll just make him leave via the police. He's been putting her through this for over 20 years (Though it's only gotten this bad recently), and she's starting to care less and less about whether or not he actually gets help, she just wants him gone at this point. And quite frankly, I feel the same way. If he's not gonna show that he can get the help that he desperately needs, then as far as I'm concerned I have no father.
It's often not so much the alcohol percentage so much as the other ingredients that are in it, but if it's not a set brand then there's not much you can do in that regard after all. That seems fairly reasonable, but wanting somebody gone and actually doing something about it can be very different things. I know first-hand that it's very hard to make a stand and do something against family members, so as it's been suggested; if it comes to it, you may need to make the call for her, depending on how firm she is in her want for him to be gone.
Then I guess that's what I've gotta do then. If something like that happens again, I'll make the call myself.
Well, what can I say? Everything that I see as a good idea has been said. You have a little brother, don't you? Think of what seeing his father like this is doing to him. That's all the more reason to make the call. Try to get your father to understand that living like this isn't good for anyone. Eventually, your family's needs will catch up with the lack of money. When that happens, what else will? Just getting him to understand is a step. And if he doesn't, there's one thing left to do. Good luck talking to him. If you need to talk, you know I'm here for you.
I thank you both very much for your help, it means a lot to me. But, unfortunately, as soon as me and my mother tried to initiate the conversation, he just up and left. By that I mean he grabbed the keys to his car and walked out before we could even get started. He never wants to hear the things that he's done wrong, but always wants to point out everyone else's faults. What makes this situation make less sense is that he lost two of his siblings within ten days of each other. Both of them died from the result of their own addictions. One got lung cancer due to smoking for most of his life, the other from a pain-pill addiction. It wasn't an overdose, but her body was already under so much stress due to her own case of lung cancer (Which seemed to have gone away when they removed the tumor in her lungs) that her body couldn't handle her taking so much of the medicine. Anyway, the point is now that I can't talk to him because he basically bailed out on me and my mom when we tried to talk to him.
Oh for the Love of Nayru... I don't know what to say. You and your mom need to come up with something. It appears that the only thing left to do is wait. If he comes back and the violence picks up, make the call. I'm sure there are other options, but for now it seems like this is alk there's left to do.
