I'm done, I've hit my mark. I'm always giving to KHV, my time, my concerns, my thoughts, my ideas, kindness, my patients, my love, my virginity to everyone and anyone I come across. I can't do that anymore. I've been sucked dry, leeched thin. I'm so depressed right now, I feel as though I'm nothing. And in my time of need, no one's helping or at least talking to me. I can't keep talking to those "few" who always message me, I'm sorry. I really am, but it's not helping me. I know it's not fair to expect from others, it really isn't. But one can't help but feel like being dumped when all your "friends" could easily sway a mood swing and no longer "like you." To any true friends on here, I'm sorry I can't be flawless. I'm sorry we don't talk more. I'm sorry for being Llave.
No one is flawless. Anyone who says they are is an idiot. When did this depression start? Have you tried talking to your parents about it? Or even a counselor? It's normal for people to go through depression, and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. As for worrying if people will continue to like you or not, you shouldn't stress over it. People will like you, not like you, like you, and then not like you, and not like you, and then like you -- it's just the way humanity is. For myself, I can say that I do like you, and that will never change. Hope this helps.
That's alright, Karen. You're the nicest person I ever knew. You're like a best friend that I've wished for so many years. [Even though I've got a friend already--who cares?]
I can understand how you're feeling when it comes to feeling like you're worthless, but you have to remember that there are people who think otherwise. If you feel like you need a bit of time to yourself, that's perfectly fine and you know we'll give you that personal time. If you ever need to just talk or chill, you know I'm here for you Drew. You can't let yourself get this depressed without knowing that we're here for you. And contrary to your belief, "being Llave" is actually one of the reasons that I like you.
Gonna be real honest with you here Llave but you're spreading yourself thin. You cannot be kind to everyone and anyone. It's all fine and dandy to be polite to others but you simply can't please everyone. And you shouldn't have to. It's not why you're here. Its no wonder you feel drained and depressed. If it has such a negative effect on you then don't do it, you've gotta take care of yourself first. And if folk are so easily swayed then they're no real friends, are they? You don't need that. Stick to the folk that care about you. Don't push them away. You're best taking a break if this is how you're feeling. Get away from khv (I often find getting away from the internet helps a lot) and clear your mind. Get your priorities straight and stick to it. Don't get down cause you think folk don't like you - you know folk out there who really appreciate you. And stop feeling sorry for yourself cause that's only gonna drag you down further. Chin up, and get going with your life.
Whoa geez dude. I had no idea. Sorry I didn't do anything. I've gotten really out of touch with KHV. But I hope that you'll feel better soon.
I know how you feel, Llave. I too have a problem where I take on a lot of responsibility and try to help everyone but just physically cannot. You just end up feeling completely drained and unmotivated, especially when you see people that don't put forward the same amount of effort as you, or you go without recognition. It's a difficult trap to escape because, even though you know you don't want to or don't have the time to, you still agree to help people, whether it's out of guilt or nature. I'm not sure there's any cure for it. But I don't believe there's anything wrong with kindness. I've been rather stubborn in that. The trick is finding a balance. Draw your motivation from personal satisfaction; getting recognition for your work & efforts certainly is nice, but you can't let it control you. Learn to find pride in simply looking at something and saying "I helped this person" or "I made something that I'm really proud of." And know when to put your foot down or say no; helping people is important, but you sometimes have to help yourself first. Do what Kitty said, take some time away, focus on yourself. It'll pass with time. Just relax for a while and do what you want. If you need to talk I am always here. You have me on Skype & I'm good about replying to emails or personal conversations. Anything, ever.
I dunno if "depression" is the right term for it, more like an unconceivable burden on my mind and soul, which then brings an obvious form of melancholy. I like to think of myself as an emotionally strong person, I can hold a lot of stress, discomfort, anger, sorrow, and any other mal-emotion in rather well without it getting to me, but everyone has a limit. My lid is flipped. In regards to parents, I'll talk to them if I see fit, but my stubborn person would much rather figure it out myself, along with the plea on here. I feel more comforted in the fact that you guys are in the same boat as I am, we are all growing up. As such, I don't here the usual "It gets worse when you're my age" et cetera. I'm not that shaken up to consult a professional, nor would I feel I should spend money on them telling me nothing of importance, at best. Thanks Amaury, it does mean a lot. I'm sorry for such a state as this that you must bear witness to it... I honestly don't understand how you can say that when I haven't had the pleasure of really getting to know you, but even such a simplicity is more than comforting to hear. Thank you for the kind words, it brings a tear of joy to my eye, and a song to my soul. rawr I guess you're right Cat. I don't want to isolate myself from you guys, because I know that'll make me feel more poopy. I'm just tired of starting all the convos, keeping the convos going etc. I'll take you up on that offer sis. And thank you hun. Even if I can't, I'll die trying. Ever since I was young I've hated that feeling of never belonging, never being popular or knowing any of the cool guys. Coming on here allowed me to be benevolent enough to do that for others. Mostly because whom I came into contact here took me under their wings. I can love because I was first loved on here. I want to pass that on to anyone and everyone, young or old, male, female, et cetera. That aside, I understand what you mean Kitty. But I can't take care of myself because I need to take care of all of you. My battery may be drained, but after looking back at this a few hours later, I see that I really needed to scream and let you know I'm hurting, and I need someone like I used to back when I became active again. And on that note of being a man, I shall try, but I'll never be as manly as you luv. Don't blame it on yerself FKB, you couldn't have known. Thanks, it's nice to see you pop in for wee ol' me. Kind-butt buddies? Yeah it does feel annoying and such I suppose. All I ask for my kindness is for those people to show theirs to others. I don't try to motivate myself with selfish and personal gains, but gaining the fact that I have someone there helps. It's easy to lose track of them when you're throwing all the kind tokens out to everyone though. I'll keep that in mind, thanks Cass.
Hey! No trouble at all. Additionally, I'm also available on Skype if you want to talk. Anyway, a lot of us are like this. We refuse to seek help, especially us guys because we have to be the macho manly people from our parents, because we feel as if we can handle it ourselves, but obviously we can't at some point. We need to learn when it is we can't deal with it ourselves anymore and seek help.
I completely understand. You feel kind of... cheated and used. You're constantly there for others and then, in your time of need, suddenly it's like "where are all those people I helped?" And sometimes, frankly, people will be that way. They'll take but they won't give back. But in those times, there's people like you, who are (almost) always willing and able to help you out of the pure kindness in their heart--just look at all the people who have replied in here. Friendship is a give and take. If someone isn't playing both parts, then they're not really a great friend. Falling into this kind of state has a funny way of revealing to us who is really important... and whether we need to go out and find new friends.
:( I'm sorry you feel like that. I completely understand where you're coming from though. You have to understand that there are a lot of people here who really appreciate you being a friend to them, and that your effort doesn't go unnoticed. What you're doing is focusing on the negative,the people who don't appreciate it, as you feel it will be a way to improve yourself so that you get recognition from them. The problem with that is, it has become too difficult for you. I actually went through the exact same thing not too long ago: expecting too much of myself, and trying to please everyone. Of course it drains you out, because you're wasting effort on people who may or may not appreciate it. I will say this though Llave: You are one of the coolest prems here. Anyone you talk to will feel honoured. Hell, I still remember the first time you struck a conversation with me and I was like WOAH ITS LLAVE!!! But that's another story. It would probably be good for you to either focus on the positives and the people who you help and appreciate what you do (*raises hand*) An alternative is to take a break from KHV altogether, and come back when you feel like you can help others again. And if you ever need to talk, I don't venture far from here :) Hope all gets better, my lovely <3
You're definitely too kind for your own good. But that just makes you sweet. You should definitely just take a break and kick back every now and then though. All work and no play . . . It's sad that your feeling that way. Maybe just take a hiatus from being so nice for a bit. Try to take it easy, hope you get feeling better Llave. You really are a wonderful person ^^
