Help finding my voice at the right time.

Well, I need some help. There's girl at my college who I've gotten to know who I've become.. rather interested in. We are already sort of friends, but I want to get to know her better, and I do really like her. Just talking with her is always, well, I don't know the right word. Exhilarating would be closest. It's a relief to find someone so like minded and with similar interests after what is quite frankly too long a time. The thing is, there's a rub (Ain't there always?). She's harder to find than Hen's teeth.

As far as school goes, she only comes in for Lessons, and because she lives locally, she doesn't often stick around at break-times or free periods. Only once have I seen her come in to stick around for a while and she ended up inviting me round her place to watch some anime. Thing is, I wouldn't normally consider this a problem, because there's always at least one time in the week I'm guaranteed to see her. My problem is that whenever she's nearby, I get damn near struck-dumb. I have no idea what to say. It just floats away when I see her, and I just clam-up. Hell, I've caught myself just staring at her a couple times, and... well, You can see yourself how this comes off quite creepy, and I don't want to start giving that impression.

When she invited me round, she gave me her number, and I've got her e-mail but... I just don't know how to approach it. I'm not even sure what to say or bring up, but I see her so little and I absolutely love any chance I get to see her that the fact I just can't say anything when I want to frustrates me to no end.

Now, it's no secret that I'm not a social animal, and I have had confidence issues in the past, but regardless, I feel like I should know how to go about this... It's just so confusing that I felt I had to resort to coming here, if only to try and find some people who I know won't use it against me (People I know are complete ******bags about this sort of thing). With an external perspective on the situation... well, I just hope I can get a little point in the right direction. Any comment is appreciated, even if it's just telling me to grow a pair.

Thanks for listening.

 

No, but seriously, you're thinking too much. When you find yourself not knowing what to say, it might be because you're thinking too hard about what to say. I find that the easiest thing to do is to just let that go. You say you two are like minded and stuff so you should just be yourself and let things happen naturally.

...Sorry I can't much help, I don't have *much* experience with these situations, but ^ that has helped in the past.

 

look i hope this hepls, next time she talks to you, just say "look ______ ive been thinking a lot lately, and i was wondering... will you go out with me?" it looks easy, but i know for a fact it aint, but if you think this is right, just go with it, let your heart be your giude, and your voice will stay strong

 

Allow me to give you the perspecive of a female;
We are just as afraid of you as you are of us.

No, seriously.
We are so worried about what we're going to say then anything you actually say doesn't sound as akward as you think, because to us it's just like 'OMG HE'S TALKING TO ME HE'S SO COOL WHATDOIDO WHATDODIDO'.

So you really just need to loosen up and 'grow a pair', as you say. She more than likely won't bite your head off.

 

Assuming, of course, that the feeling is mutual. If you genuinely don't have an interest in them, then it becomes awkward. Or even if it is mutual, the resulting "WHATDOIDO" can result in a reply that hasn't been entirely thought out.

So the ideal approach needs to be something that isn't too heavy-handed, lest they don't reciprocate. Then you also need to try to craft the approach so the reply isn't a panicked rejection.


In hindsight, arguing with a girl about how they think probably isn't the best position to be in for a debate.

 

Guess I wasn't exactly looking at everything. ^_^!
Anyway, you should at least start by calling her. You never know unless you try. ;D

You're damn skippy. *pushes you off the cliff*

 

This much is correct.

So let's get that down in red, shall we?

You need to call her.

Next you need to figure out whether you want to come out with an approach of directly asking her out, or just trying to get to know her better and grow it from there. As she's already invited you around before, it's safe to assume she has an interest in you, be it as a friend or as more. So you're not going to be outright rejected; there's already something there. It's up to you to try to capitalise on that, and make the first move.

Nothing will happen unless you call her. Until you call her, nothing will happen.

 

Yeah, trust me when I'm concerned, you'd be suprised how much that is a problem. Thanks.

Hahaha, Well, knowing that already helps. Thank god I have a female perspective that it doesn't sound awkward asking about this! Thank you very much.

Tell me about it, I've argued with enough girls to know it's a lost cause. The thing that's holding me back is really that idea, what if the feeling's not mutual? How would she react around me afterwards? I mean, I am literally not kidding when I say it's rare for me to ever meet a person I actually WANT to get involved with, or even socialize with. I guess I'm scared that if I balls this up, then I'm going to lose a great person as a friend, however I'm overthinking it again, aren't I? Hrngh...

However, of course, you are right. Nothing going to happen unless I make it happen. Hey, I have nothing to lose but my dignity, right?

Thanks for the very helpful insight, all of you. I honestly didn't expect to get this much sound advice, and this has really helped my confidence as far as this is concerned... Just have to stop ovethinking it and make that first move... here's hoping I'll be able to talk to her next time I see her, eh?

 

It's one of the usual problems. If she's reasonable, just tell her as much. "Hey, I like you, but if it's not reciprocated, then I still want to be friends." Alternatively, hold out for more signs. That's a dangerous game to play though, as it can lead to status-quo setting in, and nothing happens.

Why not just ring her now? You're putting it off.