"Roxas. Wake up." A firm but quiet voice came into the white room. Shadows flowed through the air, covering everything. The body tossed and turned. "Awaken, fool." the voice spoke again. "My... name..." the body sat up. "My name isn't Roxas..." it said. "You dare to disrespect your new title?" the firm voice replied coldy. "Where... Am I?" the body said, getting to its feet. "Welcome to Castle Oblivion." said another voice, this one higher and cruel. "I..." said the firm voice, "Am Xemnas." The second voice laughed, an awful cackle fueled by hate. "And I, dear boy, am Xion." The body walked through the white room, running its hand through the shadows. "I just don't understand..." said the body. "How you could try and betray us again." "Hm?" said Xemnas. "Is your memory returning, boy?" The body bowed it's head. "My memory returned enough..." it said,"To know who you really are." Xion laughed again. "Did it? Do you remember us... do you remember Sora?" she asked. "Don't play with me, Xion. I am powerful. You... Are nothing." The shadows flashed towards the body. Beams of light shot through them, landing on the white walls behind. "Leave my castle, weaklings. You have awakened your demise." The voices screamed, and light flooded the room. :D Just a little prologue, Chapter 1 is coming when I'm ready.
Add enter spaces between the lines so it doesn't look all cramped together. (at this point, I'm actually going to read the story) I have no idea what's going on. I'll wait to read more.
The only part I don't get is the voice at the end. Whose is it? knowing the KH universe it's probably Mickey But overall nice story.
lol I was saying that to be funny. Anyway I think I understand what's going on now. Can't wait for Chapter 1!
very interesting. can i guess who "The Body" is? as Saxima said, double space the paragraphs, but youve done a really good job so far. hurry with Chapter 1 please!
Guess away. Oh, and here's your Chapter 1: "Hey. Sora. Wake up." Sora tossed and turned in his bed. "Come on, Sora." Sora sighed and sat up. "Alright, Mom." he said, sliding off of the matress. "Honey, are you alright?" his mother said, a concered expression on her face. "Yeah... I'm fine." he muttered. "No, really Mom- I'm okay. I just had a bad dream." His mother crossed her arms and smiled. "You had a bad dream? My little hero?" She said, mussing his hair with her hand. "Come on, Mom, lay off. I'm not a kid." Sor said, pushing her hand away. "Oh, alright. Just hurry up, Riku and your other friends said they were going to the island. They're eating breakfast there." his mother said, gesturing to the steps. Sora nodded with a grin and dashed outside. "That boy..." she said, hands on her hips. "He needs to slow down once in a while." Sora paddled his canoe deeper into the water, thinking to himself. He was confused. A dream with Xemnas in it... and Roxas too? He sighed. He may be a hero, but sometimes he wanted to take a break. His canoe pulled up on the sand, and he hopped out. Walking up, he noticed Riku, Selphie, Tidus and Wakka sitting on the edge of the pier. He jogged up towards them, and took a seat next to Wakka. "Hey, guys!" he said, smiling and waving. "Where have you been, Sora?" said Selphie, arms crossed. "Oh. I slept late..." he said awkwardly. He kicked his legs against the side of the pier. "Did you guys already have breakfast?" "No," Riku said, "We were waiting for you." "Oh, sorry." Sora said, but his smile said otherwise. "Whatever." Tidus said, jumping to his feet. "KAIRI!" he yelled. "Coming!" Kairi's voice echoed out of The Secret Place. She ran out holding a picnic basket. Sora waved. She nodded at him and set down the basket. "Alright, we have... Paopu... and..." Tidus ran forward and grabbed a piece of fruit. "Slow down, cowboy!" she said, laughing. "'Ey,I'm thorry, I'm hungry ath a bear!" he said, already chewing. The teenagers laughed. The flimsy wooden pier shook with them, and suddenly it all began to break. "Wh-whoa..." Sora cried, tumbling backwards into the water. Reality blurred. Water was everywhere. Deeper. Deeper. Into the darkness. Into the abyss. "I knew I'd find you snoozing down here... Sora." end chapter 1
YES!!! I guess... Spoiler VEN!!!!! hes the only one who looks similar enough to Roxas for Xion to confuse them. plus, hes currently living in Castle Oblivion. why is he awake? now to edits. down here: double spacing paragraphs goes more like this: See the ease of reading? yes. also, this ones just a question but... whats a waddle? i realize that it is a word, but it doesnt seem to fit into this context. beyond that, great chapter. extra detail would be nice, such as actions or description of surroundings, not so much that it destroys your writing style (ah the horror!!!) but a bit. i really want to know whats going to happen next, so keep going!!! isnt that what Kairi said to him in KH1? oh the speculation....
About Guess- :Awesome: First- ohhhh. My bad, >.> Since I don't want to edit I'll just fix it in Chapter 2. Second- Oh, crap, supposed to be water. My bad. Fixed it. Third- Detail is coming more often, that's a problem I have with my writing- I'm going to put more in the other worlds. Finally- Heh heh heh, clever, aren't you?
Well, chapter 1 was a bit short but it was a nice little preparation for what's gonna happen in chapter 2. Also, I noticed the Kairi quote right away. As soon as I saw "snoozing" I knew... X)
I really like your story. It's alot like the stories i write-very little detail xD I myself love stories like that. Keep writing it's really good :)
