Girl Problems (Like no one has ever posted one of these before)

Well, I've posted a few times here before, but I've never started a thread...
Before I get started, Let me say a few things
1. I do not want help talking to this girl, I can do that easily
2. I want help getting over these feelings.
3. I'm 17, I'm not one of these pre-teens that think they are in love and I DON'T think I'm in love either, contrary to what a friend says
4. If you're going to post a really short post or jsut say something like, "i've been through this" or "that sucks", don't bother posting, please. I want actual input, it doesn't have to be advice, just opinions.
5. This is an insanely long post, it's probably against the rules to post something long lol if you don't fall asleep while reading it, thanks.

Alright so I'm a senior in high school, we have 8 days of school left and 17 days left until graduation.
Last year, (Junior year) I was in a class with 5 people. It was actually about 20 but the class was split into two halves (The spanish IIs and us, the Spanish IIIs).
This girl and I were both in the side with 5 people. We'll call her "Chica".
I was aware of her seventh and eigth grade year but i never talked to her, she was no one special at the time, we didn't have any classes together, she was just another girl in the grade. Freshman year she went to the high school and I stayed at the Jr High (freshmen had that choice).
Sophomore year, never even heard of her.
Junior Year, I met her in Spanish class.


Now in class, she was really cool. I could see why she was so popular, she was insanely good looking (I remembered even thinking once that she even smelled sexy, but she didn't have any expensive perfume) she was extremely intelligent but besides that I bore no feelings for her.
Mainly because I had 3 other girls in my life at that time. My ex, my best friends lil sister who went from being a potential girlfriend to being like my lil sister, and then the girl that I fell hardest for in my life. I had a on-again, off-again thing with all three of them but ALL YEAR I was trying to get with the third girl (the one I fell hardest for). I don't mean like I just wanted to f*** her, I really wanted to be with her but she got back together with her ex (my friend) and I couldn't move on her when she was wit my friend. Eventually we became best friends, we were EXTREMELY close but I still had strong feelings for her and she knew it. She led me on all year, she just completely f**ked me over many times.
My ex was like that too, but after a couple times I learned my lesson and dropped her.

Because of all the girl drama in my life last year, I failed to notice the pure attraction of Chica. Near the end of the year I realized that she was..well perfect. I don't mean perfect like I fell in love with her right then and there, I mean perfect like she is what every girl should strive to be. She was intelligent, popular, athletic, sexy, beautiful, funny, knew when to be serious, she even had an older sister who is probably the sexiest girl alive, but the thing that attracted me most to her was she had goals in her life (she wants to be a third grade teacher) and she was attempting to reach them. In my circle of friends this was an anomaly. All my female friends didn't give a damn about school, were mostly ****s or drunks or potheads or a combination. This, along with all her other qualities, made me realize that this girl was, as I said, perfect.

Now I did NOT have any romantic feelings at all towards her, she was just the perfect girl. There's a difference between my perfect girl (think of her as my soul-mate) and the perfect girl (think of her as...pure perfection). It's really hard to explain how I thought she was perfect without bearing feelings for her.

Any way, school ended, I sitll didn't have feelings for her. Didn't talk to her at all during the summer. A few weeks before school started we met up at school to take senior pictures (I was speechless at her dress) and she commented on my tux, saying I "clean up nice, who would have thought". That's the kind of friendship we have, playful with each other, being mean to each other but we're just playing. But I had no response to her comment except "that's just cold" because I was trying my best not to stare at her too hard.

School started again and our 5 person class was reunited with the exception of one kid and the addition of 7 others. These 7 others included her best friend and people she's known since childhood. It's extremely awkward even trying to flirt with her in front of all her friends. But I still didn't have any feelings towards her.

School went on....

In January, we went on a field trip to play Laserquest and stayed the night in the city an hour away with the rest of the class. I got hers and her friends number. Me and her friend hit it off great. We texted all the time, talked on the phone, made plans to "get together", but because she was in a relationship I never pulled through with the last part (usually I don't care if a girl has a boyfriend but I want her to be faithful and end up happy with him).
I never texted Chica. Never had a reason to

Then we went skiing (same club), Chica and I both had snowboards instead of Skis. She wasn't as...balanced as I was on the board (even though it was my first time, hers too) but I kept her company all evening on the slopes. We rode the ski lifts together a lot and we talked and I learned about her life a little bit. Then on one of the last ski lift rides (before we left the slopes) I said something mean and then said "you kno i'm jokin" and put my arm around her to give her a quick hug and I didn't take my arm off her, she just cuddled right in and we rode in silence for awhile. When we got near the top, I let her go and we talked some more.

You have to remember that I NEVER had out of school contact with her (except once when her family came to the restaraunt I work at) So I had no idea how she acted around people. I couldn't tell if she was flirting with me, hitning at me, or if that was just the way she was. After all when you look like her, guys constantly hit on you and you would develop a flirty personality.

Anyways, we got on the bus and on the way back to the lodge her snowboard kept falling on her, when I noticed I sat up and held her board, I felt like I had to protect her from something as trivial as that. She didn't notice until we pulled into the lodge and she thanked me.

Now on the trip there was this kid there who's known her longer than me and he was constantly hitting on her but tried to be subtle (she had a massive wipe-out on the slopes and he just wouldn't shut up that it scared him because he thought she was dead). He even told his friend the main reason he was on trip was because he thought he was going to get some from her. She knew this and before the trip actually told me it was my job to "protect" her from him.
That night we all got in the hot tub and when I saw her in the bathing suit...well, let's just stay I had to keep my waist below the water lol
Again I ended up puttin my arm around her but that was because I splashed her in the eye and that was my way of apologizing and everyone was like "awww your so cute together" and we both told them to shut up and to grow up.

That night she took her friends phone (hers was broken) and texted me all night, thanking me for keeping her company on the slope and we just talked till about 3 30 in da morning, then I chilled with the guys for an hour and fell asleep.

She came down with a flu on the way back and when we got to school, I didn't get a chance to say bye before she left.

Now from then on, I had what I thought was a little crush on her but still nothing special, just mindless flirting. We never even texted after that again (well I texted her a couple times but stopped after not gettin any answers)
Her best friend told me she saw was going on between us on the ski trip and I seriously had no idea what she was talking about.
She said it was so obvious I had a thing for Chica and Chica apparently told her she really liked it when I had my arm around her and when I txted her all night. I said oh well. She probably acts like that towards most guys.

The more we talked about it, the more I raelized, I really did have feelings for her, it wasn't just a small crush either...

When prom started coming up and I didn't have a date, Chica's friend and even one of my friends (who had a very physical attraction to Chica) both told me to ask her to go to prom. I said there was no chance of that and when my friend told Chica I had something to tell her, I said I wasn't going to prom with her. I told her that he and the other girl both think we should go to prom together and after a second of her looking at me, I told her that I told them that wouldn't happen. So I pretty much shot myself down there......

I found out she was going with her friends older brother (and possibly dated him for a short time), but I convinced myself I didn't give a damn about it. Then one day I was sick, but I still went to school. When her friend asked what was wrong and I told her I was sick, she thought it meant I was sad/angry and asked if it was because of Chica and that guy and I said no, I just wasn't feeling good...then I started thinking of Chica and that guy and of course, I did become depressed.
She ended up going to prom wit another one of her friends, this dude we both know, because the other guy backed out at the last minute for some reason. When she posted pictures of Prom on Facebook, I kept avoiding her page because I didn't want to see her in her dress, or wit him.

A couple weeks ago she asked me if I could get her some Xanax's (most of my friends are drug dealers and she knows I used to be a major pothead) and I tried to, but I was only trying to get her a small amount. I didn't want to risk her life but at the same time I was glad I had a reason to have some contact with her. But my usual connections couldn't get me any on short notice. She thought it worked out because she had pictures to take for school and she would've looked messed up. Later she tells me she could just ask this one guy for some because he always has some. ANd all of a sudden, I felt mad at myself for not getting her any because I didn't want her associating with that guy. He's one of those partiers who loves to get into fights. I was protective again, but i didn't say anything.

Life went on and two days ago my spanish class met for breakfast at 6 in the morning because we had a AP Exam to take. She showed up in pajama pants and two tshirts...and she still looked stunning. Have you ever seen someone look like they just got out of the bed and still manage to glow? It's a beautiful thing to behold.
I made fun of her because I found out she has a little trouble reading analog clocks and she put me in a headlock saying she was going to kill me and I grabbed her ribs to make her let go and it just felt good having physical contact with her again....

Anyway, graduation's two weeks away. We're going to the same university but different campuses, I"m going an hour away in one directiong, she's an hour away in the other direction.
I thought about saying something to her, but it's too late. What's going to happen between us so close to graduation? Our departures are right around the corner and I don't want to say anything and ruin the relationship we have now (no matter how small it is) in the short time we have.
But I don't want to regret never having done anything about it, I thought about how will I grow up and tell my kids I once knew the perfect girl and nothing happened? How do you go on knowing you blew your chance with perfection? No other girl compares to this one. I have really high standards, the reason I haven't dated anyone all year is because I raised my standards to find another girl like "Chica" and I obviously can't. She's one of a kind.
I once described her to her friend as the Epitome of All Beauty (Even though I stole that from a song lol), I've though of her as the pinnacle of perfection, a goddess among humans, an angel God sent down just to tease us with what we can't have.

As Usher would say, I've got it bad.

Thanks for reading this, I honestly don't care if you post, I just wanted to rant...but input might make me feel better.

Any ideas on how to get over feelings like this?​

 

Wow...just wow...I am almost in that exact same position, man. There's this girl I know(let's call her Varsity) and I know what you're going through. I've known her since last year and we have become pretty good friends. Last year, she dated one of my good friends(let's refer to him as Drinky). Well, Varsity and Drinky dated for a few months, and then she broke up with him. He started to be a total ******* to her. That's when I stepped in and I was real protective of her. Then, she asked me to go to WPA(Women Pay All) with her. I was just thinking, "Wow, I've got the most beautiful date in the world." The dance was all fun, then everyone went and crashed at her place. Turns out, she lives 45 seconds away from me. Anyway, I started hanging out with her more at school. Then, school ended and summer came. I had a pool party at my house for just a few of my closest friends. When she was there, I just was awestruck at how beautiful she was. A week later, she's dating one of her ex's from another school, that lasted a week. But, when that happened, I was so furious. I kept thinking, "Why is she giving her ex's a second chance when I don't even get a first?" I have anger issues. I punched my deck and almost broke a few of my knuckles and I dented the wood. I don't want to say I was happy when they broke up, but I was. I won't lie. The day before they broke up, I thought it would be a good idea to completely spill my feelings for her out. I think that was mistake number one. I told her how I have real strong feelings of attraction towards her and that I thought she was the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on. She quickly changed the subject and we haven't talked about it since. Then, one day, Drinky was flirting with her and my anger kind of came up. She completely blew me off and I punched a locker as I walked away and she turned around and asked me if anything was wrong. I said, "No" and meekly walked away. Let's fast forward to a few weeks ago. Apparently Drinky has started to like her again, knowing full well that I liked her. He asked her out, but she had to choose between him and another guy that likes her(her now current boyfriend) so she turned him down. Let's jump back a month to Prom. I took her to Prom and she just looked stunning. I couldn't even begin to describe how beautiful she was that night. All through the night, she was saying, "Jake, you know I love you, right?" I knew she was just joking. Then, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "I love you." WHAT THE ****?! When I say that to her, it's no big deal, but she has to play games by saying it to me? Anyway, her 16th birthday was a little while ago(the 9th) and I made her a mix CD and made the cover art for it myself in photoshop using pictures of her and her friends/family. She kind of disregarded it...Later on that night, Drinky, Varsity, some of her friends, myself, and her *now* boyfriend are all watching a movie in her living room. I fell partially asleep after Drinky left. Apparently, her boyfriend asked her out that night(go figure). I was kind of drifting in and out of sleep at this point. I heard her say how she really liked him. I didn't want to interfere or be a jerk like that. He's a real nice guy and one of my friends. It's just I am so sick of her always playing games like this.

The moral of my story that continues even now, is that everyone has girl troubles. And every situation is different because of the variables that get thrown in to make these problems worse. I'd try to give you advice, but it's impossible because deep down, only YOU know how to handle this situation. It's all on how you approach this. All I can offer is to stay rational.

Hope this helps, man. Good luck.