Funny and stupid quotes

hey guys im just really bored here like i am everyday and im in the mood for a bit of a laugh. So does anyone know any funny or completely stupid quotes that you may have heard around the place? i know a few (yes including the one in my sig) but i wanna hear some new ones

 

how about these?

'When they asked me if i was lazy, I said I'd sleep on it.

Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. teach a man to fish and get rid of him on Saturdays.

What was the colour of George Washington's favourite black horse?

Recent numbers show that 25 per cent of everyone is equivalent to one forth of the world's population.

99 percent of people have a low understanding of statistics.'

 

lol I like those

 

they're pretty good. here are a few i remember:


for sale: one parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain

the evening news is where they say 'Good evening" then proceed to tell you why its not

'Your just jealous because the voices only talk to me!'< i think i've used that on my friends a couple of times