What are some of the funniest jokes you've personally ever heard? Trying to cheer up a friend and figure since a lot of things said on here crack me up, I might be able to use some of them to help someone not on this site.
Sherlock: Watson, what do you think about when you look up at the stars? Watson: It gives me hope. There is so much out in the vastness of space, and we've barely started to investigate it. With all the mysteries we've solved together here on Earth just imagine what is out there waiting for us somewhere. Sherlock: No you fool! Someone has stolen our tent!!! EDIT: Depending on how nerdy your friend is you might want to look up vlogbrothers on Youtube. Every year Hank tries to beat his record on how many jokes he can put in a 4 minute video (They have a rule that says they can't go over 4 minutes unless it is educational). I got another of my favorites from there. Even gets a laugh out of most non-nerds if you explain the physics first. Setup (Quantum Physics For Dummies) Schrodinger's Cat: Set up a way to randomly kill a cat in a box. Put cat in box. Close box. You can't know if the cat is alive or dead until you open the box so the cat could be in a superpostion where it is both alive and dead. Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: There is a finite amount of information you can know about a particle. The more you know about it's position, the less you know about speed and direction; and vice versa. The Joke Schrodinger and Heisenberg are on a road trip, cruising down the highway, when a cop pulls them over. He walks over to Heisenberg in the driver's seat and asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg quickly responds, "No. But I can tell you exactly where we were." The police officer finds this to be a very odd answer and suspects drugs might be in play so he procedes to search the vehicle. Upon reaching the trunk he becomes shocked. "Sir, are you aware you have a dead cat in your trunk?" Schrodinger shouts in annoyance from the passenger seat, "Well we are now!"
why don't seagulls fly over the bay Spoiler because if they did they would be bagels what did the philosopher say to the lightbulb Spoiler bacon high comedy here at kingdom hearts videos dot net
Three men walked into a bar. The fourth ducked. A dyslexic man walks into a bra... A duck, an android, and a lesbian walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?" I went to see a performance about puns; it was a play on words.
Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally. What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?
On the subject of puns, I've always liked Wellerisms/Tom Swifties. Delivery can be hard on them though. Also I have no idea where those names come from. "I see," said the blind carpenter as picked up a hammer and saw. "I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly. "I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank. "I decided which car to purchase after looking at the pictures," said Tom autobiographically.
I would tell some pretty good ones, but I'm not sure they would be inappropriate. They're not explicit or anything, but still.
Q: Why did Sally fall off the swing? A: She doesn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. Q: Why did Billy drop his ice cream? A: He got hit by a bus. Q: Who was driving the bus? A: Sally.
A blind man was swinging his dog around on its leash like a helicopter. A shocked onlooker asked "What are you doing?" The blind man replies "Oh, just looking around." Srsly tho, say no to animal abuse
Two fish in a tank. One of them says to the other "How do you drive this thing?" Someone threw Sodium Chloride at me. It was a salt. If you ask me to come up with chemistry puns then I can finally show you me in my element.
So there's a blonde out in this field sitting in a rowboat, beating the ground with oars. And this other blonde is driving by, and sees this. Sopping her car, the blonde gets out and begins yelling to the blonde in the boat: "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW STUPID YOU ARE!? WHY ARE YOU IN THAT BOAT!? IT'S BLONDES LIKE YOU WHO GIVE US A BAD NAME, AND IF I COULD SWIM I WOULD COME OUT THERE AND TEACH YOU A LESSON!" Told this joke to a blonde once. He started scolding me. "That's hypocritical," he said. "You have no right to make fun of a blonde for not being able to swim if you can't swim yourself!"
