My first story, hope you like it. Please comment I love hearing what people think, both good and bad. It helps me improve. :p -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Axel rolled over in his Flame coloured Sheet, turning the loud noise being made by his Alarm clock. Before getting up and putting on his coat and walking in to the bathroom. Looking at him self, placing a few hair back in to place before, looking at the dark circles round his eyes. He hadn’t been sleeping well, the same dream each night. He would be standing in front of a Young girl, other a few years younger than him looking at him. When pointing in to the darkest, before disappearing in to the light. He always tried to go after her. When he did he woke up, last time screaming. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. He didn’t even know the girl; he didn’t remember seeing her anywhere. He Yawned, before leaving his room and heading towards the kitchen. Making his way inside, he looked at Demyx and Larxene who were eating a large amount of Toast and Bake beans. Axel took a sit opposite them, smiling before allowing his head to smash in to the table. “Axel, what wrong?” Larxene asked, hitting Demyx on the back as he tried to eat 3 slices of toast in one bite. “Not sleeping” Axel asked, running his hand across the table in to he find a slice of toast. “Oh…. Why?” she questioned. “Dream” Rising his head from the table. “Dream, well you could see Zexion about that” “Really, what can the bookworm do” He said, taking a bite out of his toast. “Sound like you are having memories of your old life, he can help trust me.” “Whatever” he commented, walking out of the kitchen. He didn’t see how a bookworm, emo like Zexion could help him. It was nothing, he told himself. Finshing his toast, he turned toward the main hall, looking at the floor. Bang Axel hit the floor. He had walked in to someone, looking up…. IT WAS HER. The girl from his dream. Looking down on him with her pale green eyes. Short red hair, that was brushed back in to point at the back her back. “WHO ARE YOU?” he shouted out, so it could be heard in all the halls. “Axel?” another voice called out, axel turned to see Larxene running down the hall to him. He turned back to the girl, well where the girl was. She was gone.
you stole my idea ='( I was going to write a story similar to this. :) But oh well, great minds think alike I guess... The story its self is good. You have some grammar problems and some sentances that don't make sense. Read your story over a few times outloud to yourself once your done writing it before you post it, that way if things don't sound right to you you can change them. Good work on this story though, and I'll defently read chapter 2. :D
