The next part Please comment. I think it better than the first part. :p Larxene helped Axel off the floor, wiping off some of the dirt. “Axel, are you ok?” she asked, her eyes filled with worry for him. “Did you walk into the wall?” “No” Axel shouted at her, “You scared her off” Waving his arm in the air. Looking at the Demyx and Xigbar as they came running. “Scared, who off?” Xigbar asked “Her, the girl from my dream. She was here and you scared her off” Poking Larxene in the chest” “Dreams” Xigbar stroked his chin “Go see Zexion” “What? You too” He turned on Xigbar “That boy, wouldn’t know what to do” He walked off, burning many of the flowers on his way. Xigbar turned to Larxene, smiling “About time” he comment before walking off. Axel sat down in the garden, after pulling up many of the Flowers. Blowing off stream was the only way that he could calm down, Normally the flowers were the ones that he took it out on. Marluxia was never happy about it but he didn’t care what that Pink haired freak thought. Axel took a deep breath, who was she? He searched his mind, trying to think of something about her. But there was nothing. “Maybe you could go see Zexion”, a friendly voice said from behind him. Axel knew it was Roxas. As Axel smiled, as Roxas sat next to him. Handing him a Sea salt ice cream. “Thanks” Axel said, sticking it in his mouth. “The others say that you need to see him” Roxas added. “Zexion” He laughed, “How is he going to help me find her” “I don’t know, but the others say you need too.” Roxas looked at Axel, “They said things are going to get worst if you don’t” “How can things get worse, they all think I am insane. Seeing her in the castle” He pointed to the castle, and then stood up. “God, there no way, anyone can get in there without us knowing” “True” “I wish I knew her name. I could hunt her down” “Please go see Zexion” Roxas stood up, placing his hand on Axel shoulder. “Before things get bad” Roxas walked away leaving Axel alone again. “Zexion, Zexion, Zexion!!” he shouted out, kicking a tree. “What does he know” Axel walked back into the castle. Banging on each door. “Bang, Bang” A voice said from behind him. “You haven’t changed”. It was her again. Standing in the middle of the hall. Axel turned on the ball on his foot to face her. “Who are you?” He asked again, this time not shouting. He didn’t want any one scaring her off. “I am hurt” she said “You don’t remember me, Lea” “Lea?” He question, “My name Axel” “No!” she shouted out, “It is lea” “Tell me your name” “No, I can’t” she smiled, before walking away disappearing. “WAIT” he shouted out, running after her. But she was gone. Axel looked at the floor, before running off himself.
I like the story, but you have alot of fragments as sentances that don't make sense. Watch out for those. I do like this story though. Very interesting :) :) :)
