Finding My Place.

Discussion in 'Archives' started by LittleArtistNamine, Nov 5, 2008.

  1. LittleArtistNamine Destiny Islands Resident

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2008
    Location:
    the computer. XD
    13
    98
    CnC please. I don't know if this will be a good poem or not, but... Hope you guys like it.

    When the clouds blot the sun;
    Turn on the lights.
    If I have trouble sleeping;
    I Glance out at the moon.
    I wander around just to look;
    For that comet in the night.
    But as I run through the night;
    A sudden darkness takes over.
    One which can not be seen;
    Nor can it be heard from the peaks.
    But one of absoulte trannquility;
    The one of fallen night.
    I want to call this my place;
    Though I have much fear of that;
    Once I find my place;
    I'm just another star in the sky.​
     
  2. P E A N U T ~*~Never Surrender~*~

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2008
    Location:
    Stranded.
    81
    I REALLY liked it. Short but still touching. You kind of used ";" a lot though xD. Other than that...wow!
     
  3. Daenerys Targaryen ok

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2007
    Gender:
    Female
    873
    Very pretty, and touching.
    I feel like I can relate to that poem.
    <3
    Only thing is, try not to use too many puncutations in a poem.
     
  4. Maka Albarn It's called love

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Gender:
    Panda
    Location:
    Fairy Tail
    1,200
    Wow... that was so nicely put. You have great talent. I'm not going to critize because... uh... that's already been done. :D Nicely done.
     
  5. Juicy Chaser

    Joined:
    May 29, 2008
    325
    It was well written and you have used good description but the flow just wasn't there for me.. I didn't really connect with it. To me it didn't really tell me a story.. which most good poems do.