[Two threads? Only two months into the new year? 2011, you ****er. >:L Oh, and Christian here, so God will be seen.] My grandpa's been ill for the past year and a half. It was a lung infection that started in September of 09. Ever since then, he's been using an oxygen tank when at home, and has slowly been getting better. ...Until this past week. Last Thursday, things got really bad and he had to go to Intensive Care. The doctors said he wouldn't make it, but he did. He's still there right now, and the lung infection's being somewhat quelled. But now, he's having problems with fluid in his chest and it's been made known to my family that there is definitely going to be some neurological problems when he comes home. And yes, when. I still have hope that my grandpa will make it through. But to add more to this, my baby brother had to go the hospital today as well. He has seizure problems, and when he gets sick, he gets sick to the point of Emergency Care. With both of them currently in the hospital (my baby brother should be fine, he usually turns around after a few days), everyone in my family is tense. This must be especially hard on my grandma, since she's lost her brother and her sister within the past year. My dad's away on a work conference thing till May, so I've taken it upon myself to try to do more things around the house, which I don't have a problem with. What I do have a problem with is just limited resentment towards people and, well, God. I know, I know. That's bad. I realize that and it makes me feel bad. But I can't help it. Ever since I found this out about my grandpa in 09, I've been praying religiously (heh) every night for him. In late December, I felt happy. My grandpa was getting stronger and my life was turning around for the better; I got closer to my friends, have a crush that may have mutual feelings, and doing pretty well in school. Then this happens and I'm supposed to resume praying for something He supposedly fixed? For an event that I'm supposed to beg Him to fix, even though He's responsible for it? I just feel betrayed by my own beliefs, yet I still find myself praying because I really don't want anything bad to happen. And this resentment is also shared with some friends on here as well. Last summer, I found myself surrounded by people I forged friendships I really believed in. Now, I just feel pretty much alone. I do still have a lot of friends on here, but it's the ones I were close to that I just want to punch in the face. One of them just blatantly ignores me now. I try sending them a VM here, a message over MSN, and messages on FB, but they just seem as though they don't give two ****s about me or the other people in our supposed "family" group. I try to ignore it, but it just stings so much. I'm also really questioning my friendships with another two people. They're amazing and all, but it just seems that I have to always think about what to say before I say it. They've been through hell and back, and I can acknowledge that, but I just want to know I can say wrong things to them without fearing they'd think I was "betraying" them like a lot of others had done in the past. I just want to know that I can make a mistake, and they'll be ready to forgive. Overall, this year's not two full months in and it's absolute ****. :/
My heart goes out to you and your family. I can't even imagine the kind of struggle that's going on in my heart right now. However I will say that this is the time where you shine. I found that in our darkest of hours, we must turn to God and just hope that everything is alright. He never puts something in your hands that you cannot handle, even though it doesn't feel that way all the time. I can understand resentment towards God in your situation, but also realize that He does Love you and everyone around you. All I can say is just keep the faith and always pray for the best outcome. I really don't know you very well, but I always am ready to help someone in need. Like I said, you and your family are in my prayers.
Okay, I know I have not been a good friend to you these past few months, and I am truly sorry, I know, I am a jerk, I just felt like we got distant and that is just an excuse so no excuses I'm a butt I know. Anyway, about the whole feeling resentment towards God, is normal, people get angry with Him all the time. I think what people fail to realize sometimes is that God only allows these things to happen, he does not give them. Sicknesses and things of the sort come from Satan, not God. He allows things like this to happen because it is a test. We should praise God in our good times and our bad. You may be asking why praise in the bad? That is because He wants you to reach out to him. If you look at the book at Job, you can see that Satan takes everything away from him, but Job continues to praise God through everything that Satan puts him through. I encourage you to look into this book. I think what you just need to do right now is praise God, read your Bible, try to get closer to Him, do whatever it takes. I have gone through a process recently that has brought me so close to him, it is amazing. If you have any questions about it, you can talk to me. I know I haven't been around lately, and I would love if you would let me make up for that, I am here if you need to talk. I will give you my number if you need to talk. Keep pressing on, no matter what happens God will always be there for you. No matter how alone you feel. I love you Al Pal.
Like Tummer has said, you and your family are in my prayers as well. The feeling of resentment towards god, though not the best feeling to have towards him, is kind of the same with me and my family. My Uncle was diagnosed with Lung Cancer about a year ago. Over time, he had gotten better, almost to the point of it seeming like it had just vanished, but then, about a week or two ago, we found that his cancer had spread to his brain. I do ask myself sometimes if there's a reason that God has let this happen, or if God just has a sick sense of humor (I know, it's a terrible thing to think, but with my Uncle not being the only one in my family affected by Lung Cancer, sometimes my emotions get the best of me). All I can say is to spend as much time you can with your grandpa, not only will it make him feel better, but it will make you feel better knowing that, if he really doesn't have much time left, you made his time that much better. There's that, and praying and asking God to give you and him as much time together as possible. I may not know you that well, but if you ever need someone to talk to, or a friend, I'm just a VM away.
Have you considered giving up on religion entirely? It's probably healthier to credit the positive aspects of your life to yourself, and others who make it possible, as opposed to a god. For example, with your grandfather surviving, you could credit God with it, or you could give the credit to the hospital and your grandfather's will to live. This makes the events seem more positive, as instead of it being an omnipotent being saving your grandpa from death, only to willingly choose to leave him with brain damage, it becomes a matter of imperfect science and people doing their best, and staving off all but some neurological problems. Furthermore, for bad events, it means that it's not the result of a deity that personally hates you; it's just the way the world is. Dumb luck, as it may be. It's a lot easier to remain hopeful in the face of coincidence, as opposed to it being God's personal hate-campaign against you to make your life hell. If praying isn't helping, and the thought of God being behind everything isn't comforting, then there's little reason to continue to channel emotional energy into such an outlet. This probably isn't the sort of answer you wanted, and you are still able to continue being a Christian if you like. I'm simply presenting another avenue of escape that you can choose to take. You don't need to sell your soul to Satan, or even denounce God in front of the entire church. You can still attend any youth groups you may go to, etc. You could simply tone down the level of faith you have in Him. I'm putting the option out there for you to consider. That's all. As for your friends: You could simply tell those who you are close to that you are not currently in the best frame of mind, and anything offensive you may accidentally say to them is not intended to be offensive. Hopefully they're mellow people. I know we're not amazingly close, but if you need someone to talk to, feel free to hit me up on MSN. I can listen to problems, and I'll do my best to resist trying to get you to ditch religion. :p
Rawr, P you Satan worshipper. I must insult you and completely diss your statement in the name of God! Lololol Jokes aside, plums you're such a cool guy. I'm sad to see you going through this difficult times. You have to consider that sometimes life is fragile and no matter how hard it may seem to accept that things pass. I know it's sad and you're allowed to cry and feel remorse and curse at the wind. However, you must consider that this God you believe in has promised to be there for you. I'm not gonna judge your religious ways, but through resilience the soul is made strong. You can get through this and you'll be happy again after the grief is past. As for your friends, Plums don't be a silly fruit. We all freaking love you here. We'll help you cope with this. Just holler through msn and stuff. I'm more than willing to lend an ear.
