Feeling like a Nobody

At school there's this guy I really like. I've had a freaking crush on him for 4 years straight! It's so not fair that I like him so much. Fair's probably not the right way to say it. Whenever I tried to talk to him about it he'd brush me off and treat me like I don't exist for the next few days. Then he had his best friend tell me that he didn't like me that way. His best friend! It's like he can't say that to my face himself! That night I got this horrible pain in my heart like someone was ripping it out and currently I swear I can't feel a thing. it's litterally like being a Nobody. He told me he knew I liked him from the sixth grade. If he knew why didn't he tell me. I really would like to know how to understand what he feels or even (if possible) how to stop my feelings dead in their tracks before I damage myself further.

 

I've been in your place before, although it was kind of different because the kid lead me on for years, telling me he liked me and then going to get another girlfriend. The best thing you can honestly do is just move on. I don't understand why he couldn't tell you that he didn't like you to your face, but yeah. It's better to move on than to keep torturing yourself further. There's no easy way to move on, though. Try hanging out with other people to get your mind off of him, or even reading. Most of the time, when I read, I get lost and completely forget about the world around me and everyone in it. Do things that you know will keep your mind from wandering back to thoughts of him, because he's not good for your health.

 

Doesn't seem like he's worth it to me. Treating you like that. :\

 

Muff monkey is right. All you can really do is try to move on.

 

There's a saying, "What you can't have only makes you want it more?" I want to cry and I want to scream and somedays I do just that but really I don't actually feel it anymore. It doesn't help that he's in one of my classes. I really can't read all day like I want to but I have been keeping my mind busy with RPing so i think this website is good for me. Now to just make my friends understand that I'm trying not to like him anymore and yet they keep encouraging it. It's like a big cut on your arm that everytime it starts to heal, some idiot comes along and slits it open again. Bleeding out won't help me but trying to patch myself up isn't working. Should I try talking to him? even though he'd probably ignore me?

 

According to your profile, you're only sixteen. You really shouldn't be allowing this to affect you so much since you have your entire life ahead of you to find someone perfect for you. This guy isn't it. Roleplaying is also a good way to keep your mind off things, too. I know it helped me when I needed to think of other things. About your friends, the best thing to do is to sit them down and talk tell them that you don't think you can like him anymore, rather than them encouraging you to continue. Tell them how they feel about the situation, and I'm sure they could give better advice than I could ever give. If you want to try talking to him, I'd wait a little while, except I don't really see a point in it. There's nothing more that you could possibly get from having a conversation with him about this issue. He seems extremely stubborn and not worth your time.

 

Well I can't say much about the rest, but he probably just didn't have the guts to say it to your face. If anything, it could mean that he cares enough to not want to see you upset. That's why I'd do that anyway. He doesn't want to see you sad or crying, so he sent a messenger to tell you so he wouldn't have to see the tears.

I'd suggest that you not try to stop your feelings. You need to let it out now, otherwise you'll just end up letting it out in public one day. I remember just last Friday a girl that I don't really know did that at a pep rally; she just burst out sobbing while everyone else was cheering, leaving me the only one to notice.

I hope this helps, and sorry about what happened.

 

Thanks I have stubborn friends too but I'll give it another shot at pounding it into their heads. He is stubborn, he's a hockey and football player. I know at sixteen I shouldn't worry about boys much or think my life will end (which I don't) but ever since I met him I thought he was the one. There hasn't been anybody else like that. I thought he was special, I thought he was different, I really thought I could change him. I guess I was wrong. Somedays i even daydream that I've fallen off a really tall building and just the sensation of falling so freely is relief. He's no longer there and I can let my guard down. I am a little nutz I guess.

 

...

Okay, I'm not going to be so sympathetic.

He's not the one - despite what media likes to tell you, the possibility of finding 'the one' when you're on sixteen and in high school is delusional. A fantasy. I'm guessing he's also around your age as well so what did you expect? From what you have posted, it doesn't appear that the two of you were really close friends anyway since he got his 'best friend' to deliver the message. Accept that he did not return the feelings, get any thoughts you have about him being 'your future one' out of your head and move on. It will take you a long time, perhaps even years, before you find someone that is the 'one'. It hurts now but the best you can do is just suck it up and never talk to him again.

 

Well on changing him, never try getting into a relationship with a boy thinking you'll be able to change him. A couple girls have done that with me only to realize that I can't be changed just by a relationship with a cute and well-meaning girl. Both of those relationships failed miserably.

And as I said, take his indirect response to your affection as you being so special to him that he doesn't want to see you cry. That's the only reason why I wouldn't have the guts to do something like that.

 

I don't cry. Ever. Especially in front of people. It's not my thing. Jack (that's his name) may not be suited for me. I've heard that all my life and I refused to believe it. I do realize changing a guy is hard and probably impossible. I suppose you guys are right, but moving on isn't as easy as it sounds. Keeping my mind off him is hard too; my school is pretty small so I see him everywhere I go. I don't want to sound like a child but it's really hard. I have second hour with him and when our teacher walks around he usually walks past Jack and i end up following him but when he goes past Jack, he's looking at me. Some guys here won't call that a sign of affection, I'm probably reading it too much, but he's never done that before. I still get mixed feelings about him. I want to hit him in the face and tell him he's stupid and the rest of me still just wants him.

 

Okay, I agree with this. Being sixteen myself and having went through several relationships that haven't ended up too well (including having a crush on this one guy for all 3 years of middle school...) believe me when I say that you'll feel better about everything that happened soon enough, and that if it ended like this then he was obviously not "the one". There are millions of guys out there and post-high school places have even more than you currently have around you. As DarknessKingdom said, it might take you a while to find someone who you truly feel is "the one" who returns your feelings, but right now there really is nothing you can do, because as I've found out from personal experiences, the majority of guys in high school (at least in mine) are still pretty immature for these things, in one way or another. It's going to be hard and you're going to keep on feeling ****** while you try to get over this, but try to surround yourself with friends and people who you know can cheer you up.

If you think you might be reading into it too much, I suggest stopping trying to read into anything at all. No matter how hard it is and no matter the mixed feelings you might have, just go on with your life and see how it plays out from there without worrying too much about what's going on in his head - I know that sounds hard, and it is hard to do, but in my opinion that's the only thing you can do in the situation now.

 

Okay, I set my friends down and told them exactly what I feel and how I don't want to like him anymore. They seem on board with keeping me distracted. Now I just have to figure out why everybody avoids me in school. It's like they can read minds. (Btw, Cartoon Moomba, those little pics of Ventus from KHBBS make me smile. Sooo cute!)

 

I didn't mean literally cry. Just seeming upset. Guys (or at least me) tend to sense upset-ness in girls even when it isn't there. So that might be it too. Just ask him about it and see what he says. I'm actually very curious to see whether or not I'm right.

And it's absolutely okay that you can't get over him. Nobody ever completely gets over his/her first of anything within reason. Not a serious crush, not a friend, not even a favorite object (I still have the ball of fuzz that used to be my first blanket), . I still haven't gotten over my first crush. I've just come to accept that she's not the one. Just accept that he's not the one and do what you can to get over it. It never really stops hurting. It just begins to hurt less. In fact, it's probably a good thing. It'll desensitize you to this kind of heartbreak in the future, though a serious relationship will be different altogether.

 

Seriously? You want me to ask him if he didn't tell me to my face why he doesn't like me because he was afraid I'd get upset? (Whoa, that made no sense to me and I said it). You do realize this kid has avoided me and pointedly not spoken to me or around me since the last day of last year. I don't think he wants to speak to me anymore. It really sounds like he's the one with the problems. He goes around dating girls that are half my maturity and a whole grade younger than him. Isn't it a bit early for a mid-life crisis?

 

Lol, it made perfect sense to me. I think differently than the average person, so it's easy to pick apart stuff like that.

Anyway, I'm only saying that I think you should, one because you have a right to know what's going and two because...well I just really want to know if I'm right. It's a pretty selfish reason, and you don't have to tell me or even take my advice if you don't want to. If you can't get to him directly, then do what he did and ask him through a friend.

And I never said that you were the one problems. He does seem to have problems, but dating a girl a grade under him isn't that big an age difference. As far as the maturity goes, he probably likes that because people of lower maturity don't think as much as they act. In other words, he thinks you're too smart for him to date. You think too much about your actions for his tastes, and he just wants a girl who'll think for a moment and then just say yes. He's a guy, just one thing on his mind, y'know? I admit that I'm the same way, but at least I treat women with genuine respect.

 

You're not nuts. These kind of things happen to everyone.

And one thing I've learned from psychology and friends' experince, never go into a relationship thinking that youcan 'change' someone. If you are going into one you make sure you like that person for how they are when you meet them because about 90% of the time, people won't change who they really are through out their life (or least teenage years). They learn new stuff and mature, but the basis stay the same.​

Sadly, it's not going to be easy. Never is. But like everyone is saying he doesn't sound like the one. The best way to move on may be to find someone else, but since you're only 16 it's no rush. Just... try to cry sometimes. I hate letting people seeme cry, none of my friends have seen it, but not crying ever must be a bad thing. Crying is how the body and mind copes, that's why afterward it feels better. Maybe even take a nap after doing so. ​

Yeah asking him why just might make things worse. If you feel like that then stick to your feelings and avoid it. If he avoids you, avoid him =/​

 

Um I don't think that's what's on his mind. Mostly he followed her around like a lost puppy. (which really pisses me off when guys do that. It's like: Grow a pair dude!) I do think I can get his 'best friend' to tell me why he didn't tell me. The guy isn't very loyal to him for a best friend. It's gonna go through a bunch of people so if some things get twisted...yeah. But if I can't get an answer, who cares. You're probably right. he was one of my good friends before so he might care about how I feel.

 

Just one thing. Emotionally deep women are my favourutes. Take that as a compliment.