First off, I feel like a loser for even making a thread on this. Anyway, I have a huge problem with self esteem. The point is that I really can’t get help from anyone because it’s a hard issue for me to even fix or improve on. I think I mentioned this issue once before in this section, but it was included with something else. My self esteem is really bad. I really doubt myself and put myself down. It really pisses people off when I talk to them about it. Personally I think they are just sick of me attacking myself. You know when a person comes up to you and always says “I’m ugly†or “I’m a loser� Yea, sadly that’s me. It gets so annoying for my family and friends. I say stuff like that, because I have very low confidence. I’ve never had a girlfriend, so that’s when I would doubt my personality and looks. It’s childish, right? I’ve also recently moved and it’s been really hard on me. I’ve lived in New York for my whole life and now I’m living in Florida because of my parent’s retirement plans. I left the rest of my family and my best friend behind. I only see them now during the holidays and summer. I shouldn’t complain because a lot of people are also currently going through this too. Anyway, when I lived in New York I always hung out with my best friend, but now that I moved it’s like I really don’t have friends anymore. Once again, self esteem issues. I also easily get offended by people. It was a result of me getting bullied when I was younger. I don’t really know how else to explain this. If I summed it up quickly, I would just say that I’ve lost confidence in myself. Everyone that I see moves on and they are enjoying their selves, but I’m just dwelling on how my life is horrible. I’ve made my attempts on having more friends and a girlfriend, but lately I feel it’s not working. I could be overreacting. I don’t really know. My future career in the entertainment field is also a concern and I use to have huge confidence in it, but I’m slowly realizing that it will never happen. What do you guys think?
First of all, don't EVER put yourself down. EVER. You don't deserve to do that to yourself. There's this whole bunch I could say to you, but I don't know how to say it. This thread calls for Repliku.
*speech time* Aww come on dude. I think you've over thought your situation. Its true moving on can be a bummer. Not being able to see old friends as easily as before can kind of be disappointing. But you have to think positively. You see this whole Florida thing as an ending. Ending of relationships, etc, but now you've gotten the chance to restart things a little. You can make more friends than before. And I'm not saying that just to make you happy, just look at how you've been around here. When you first joined khv, everyone was like "who is this guy?" but now you have all sorts of friends and stuff. I'm pretty sure you can just as easily make friends in Florida too. I was pretty much the same way for a while. You see, the thing is, when I joined my high school I came in 9th grade. I made friends and stuff but all of my friends had known each other for a long time, since they all went to the same middle school. Sometimes I felt left out a little. I was the "new" kid. Didn't really have any "good times" with these people. But I stopped worrying about it. I realized, if I sat around feeling bad about not having good times with friends, or meeting new ones, getting a girlfriend, etc, I would never get there. You seem like a pretty cool guy. Just don't worry about all the stupid **** out there and be chill. Things will go your way. Its pretty much the same idea in terms of focusing on your future career too.
You've probably seen me then! I lives in Florida too! X3 About the low-self-esteem thing, there's a certain amount of esteem to have in the first place. You can't have too much or everyone will hate you for thinking about only yourself. Think positive! At least you have frineds that'll back you up, even 10000 miles away from you! Every single time you think low of yourself, think something good from it! Everytime you say that 'your fat', think about it! It's vetter being a small bit fat than starving to death! When you say that 'your ugly', it would be better to be ugly than to be a pretty person with no one to be your friend! So on and so forth... =3
I never had a boyfriend either, but ya cant judge yourself by having the most or best friends.....when ya find really good friends, then they help your self esteem a lot, i think......also you have friends here, and you have a good position here, and florida is really sunny!! also, just because your future doesnt seem certain, or like it will never happen, doesnt mean it wont.....i know everybody says ya gotta work hard and you will get there, but sometimes a little luck wouldn't hurt either, lol.....just dont give up on everything at once....maybe find a backup career that is like the one you wanted, or find some friends that like the same things you do.....just dont give up on yourself, ya have a lot of potential.
Oh man Mike,I'm really sorry to hear that. I sometimes go through the same stuff.It makes everybody feel horrible. Moving sucks,I lose my friends,I'd end up going to a new school.It's irratating.
Thanks for the replys. I'm just reacting from being alone. At least that's how it feels since I moved.
moving does suck, i've moved five times in my life, but dont let it stop ya from doing what ya wanna do. you need a cookie
*cracks knuckles* Until Repliku gets here, let me try. I'm in the exact same boat as you, more or less. While last time I moved was when I was 8 years old, everything else you've said up there fits me to a T. My self esteem is so low I don't think it can go any lower. My first and only boyfriend dumped me because he felt I was too fat for him, when for two years he told me not to do anything drastic because he had said that didn't matter. And that was 4 years ago. I haven't dated anyone since, and felt that maybe he was right, maybe I was too fat for him, maybe too fat for anybody. (For the record, I'm only 15 lbs. overweight. I've lost almost 60 lbs. since then). I'm in college now, and I've certainly gotten better, since after the breakup I had gotten so depressed I even contemplated my own suicide. I never went through with it (of course), because it just made no sense. While yeah, maybe I'm not as pretty or skinny as those other girls out there, I have more friends than them simply because it's not just looks that matter; it's you as a person. I'm the comedian/artist of my circle, and I now have the tightest-knit bunch I've ever had in my 20 years of life. I do what I want, when I feel like it, without worrying what everyone else thinks of me. Personally, I'd rather someone with okay looks but a great personality rather than someone who was a model wannabe but had the attitude to boot. Try looking around your community for things that interest you. If you have a particular hobby, look around. You're bound to meet new people at those places, and eventually make new friends to hang out with. Do the same with clubs at school. Get involved. Put yourself out there and have some fun. Find things you are interested in, and maybe give some new activities a go. And heck, if you're on these forums, you're never alone. There's always someone on here to come and vent to. Hang in there, man. *gives pie*
Well basically I used to be like you. Always putting myself down because I wasn't the smallest or tallest girl in my class or the fact that I'm not cute. But you have to except yourself for who you are. If you don't love yourself how can anyone love you? Part of your self confidence problem would probably be that you don't want to brag about your talents and make everyone else feel bad. The fact is if your good at something it's okay to let it shine. Bragging is when you go on and on about it for ever like one of my friends.
You aren't a loser for making this thread. A lot of people have felt down on themselves and quite a few people have some crappy self-esteem issues. I don't know anyone, even if they are 'popular' who doesn't from time to time have self-esteem issues. Just some people out there let this problem go on and on and it's hard to shake the habit of well..being disappointed and despising yourself. You are right that you won't be able to actually get help from anyone. We can all offer you advice and such but if you don't listen to it and just read the words and say 'sigh, that won't work' or 'they don't understand' ...well, we are left rather powerless. In the end, if you want to change how you feel about yourself, you will do it. If you do not want to, you will not. Yes, people around you who hear you talk about yourself like that probably do get frustrated with you, which causes you to feel more down and alone. You are in a pattern of self-destruction and this is what you might want to focus on understanding. Somewhere along the line, you got it in your head that you suck. Maybe from a friend, parents, a teacher, some bullies: Somewhere this feeling came about because someone got through to you that you did something bad or were acting out lamely at the time. Instead of taking it for the moment though, you've made a decision to say you always suck at things. In life, we are going to mess things up occasionally. I try to think of things as a state of the moment. I.e. if someone is lying at the time, the person is being a liar, whereas later, he won't be. If someone is yelling and griping, he is being a jerk at the time, etc. You can -be- so many things because we are all capable of it. However, states of being pass and we change. At one moment we may be losers in something. At another time, we may be really kicking some arse. If you try to think of life that way and yourself that way, having a low self-esteem may lessen for you. There may be the saying that there's always someone better than you, but there's also the saying that there's always someone worse than you. Basically, think of a momentary failure as what it is at the time. Let it pass and move on. See states of beings and moments of time. Also, of course people don't want to hear negative talk all the time about how you hate yourself. We all have to fight with failures and beating ourselves up for things isn't very good. There are plenty of people out there who are willing to help make us feel like crap. We don't have to let others do that to us, but surely most of us would rather not sit around and completely loathe ourselves too. We all have our things such as we are stuck with the bodies we have, but surprisingly with the right work, even people who are scarred can look better and those who are overweight or under weight can do things with effort to change that. Basically, we are more malleable than we think but we have to work some to accomplish things. Another thing to mention here... being depressed and self loathing like this is well... rather selfish. You may think that because you are beating up yourself and seeing all your faults that it makes you more humble and well, not an arrogant prick, but in the end, you are focusing your attention still all at yourself. If you look at the world around you more and well, start interacting with your friends some more and do some positive things, you might see that they'd react better to you. The problem here is well..do you want to do that? What others think of you is not so important. What you think about yourself is because if you choose to think of yourself as the greatest thing around, you are an arrogant stuck up snob and others probably won't like you much. If you look down on yourself you are selfish, self-torturing and negative about everything practically. Both are self-centered conditions where it's very hard to really understand other people because you can't understand yourself with a neutral mind. I hope that makes sense. I know how that goes. I had to move to Illinois to a dead end town that sucked and it was very hard to want to deal with because I left my best friend behind who is like a brother to me. However, I can say that if you keep in contact with your best friend, writing, emails, talking online etc and get to visit up there now and then, when you get out of school and such, you could always arrange to move back to NY later. That's what I did. I grew up here in NY till 10th grade and after I got out of the army, I came back since I felt it was more my home and I missed people here. Bullying is a tough thing to get over but you can. Best thing to remember about it is that you don't want to take bullying but also you don't want to become the bully either. If you get offended easily, you are giving into that sort of thing and most people will play around or say things accidentally so remember how you would feel if you were taken wrongly and it might help you so that you aren't offended so easily. If someone says something offensive, ask what they mean by it and try to think rationally about it. We can learn things from the past and develop good habits and bad ones. We can mold ourselves though over some bad habits by coming up with solutions ahead of time so we can address problems differently. You are negative right now so anything you do is not measuring up to what you want. You are being too hard on yourself. Girlfriends come around and happen. However, girls mostly seem to like guys that have self-confidence and aren't down on themselves. Would you want a girlfriend who is negative and is always saying she's fat or she can't accomplish anything, etc? Most of us would not want someone like that. It's not so different for girls. Basically, think of the type of girl you want and sometime it will happen if you can make yourself interesting to that type of girl. Friends are something to work on in the immediate. The more friends you make, the more likely sometime you'll meet a girl you would like as well. Also, it's just good to have friends. It will be rough since you've moved and miss things back at home but you are now in this new place and can make friends here too. There's nothing wrong with that. Having friends in different places is a good thing. You can keep some of them at least and maintain contact so that later you have places to go to and wander and well, it makes life more pleasant. Sadly, we must sometimes move on and our friends will too but if people want to keep in contact, as you get older, it becomes easier. As for your choice of occupation, feeling down again is not going to help you. In the end, everything comes down to this simple question... Why do you want to feel down about yourself? Because certainly you are not that bad a person. Please do answer the question if you can, even if just to yourself. There's no reason to hate yourself. We all screw up from time to time and well, we are supposed to learn from those mistakes...not punish ourselves for them. I do hope you will feel better about yourself. A lot of people assume you have to love every little thing about yourself, but that's not true either. Being at peace and knowing yourself though is important. Take the good and the bad. Understand at moments that 'bad' thing may actually be a good thing. Please do feel better and I hope this helped at all.
Emm...is there something Repliku didn't say? Anyways, Mike there comes a point in life in which we will doubt ourselves, when that moment becomes a constant, that's when we need to do something about it. You see sometimes we get hurt by different things and that makes us feel worthless or empty. But the Stronger person I am today, I can attribute to all the things I've gone through, Maybe I might not be the most "scarred" person, but I have learned from things. Some things do affect me, that I can't deny, and sometimes I am afraid to do things. But sometimes all it takes is to have faith in yourself, because you is all you can be, taking a leap of faith and going on the spot, even when you're down or afraid. I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm saying it's worth it. And I know we are not exactly friends from real life, but if something happens you can come talk with us.
