It seems like lately things have been real out of place. At a time I heard my parents were leaving but right now the both decided to stay. They both keep their distance but still fight alot and stay on their game. Lately I've had a nagging thought of running away to get away from the drama. But then after I think of that I think about killing myself. I've been able to tuck those thoughts away til a couple of weeks ago. My ex and his girlfriend for some reason keep threatining me. I don't reply and I try hard not to let it get to me. My ex bascly doesnt mean much to me anymore. I still care about him and I always will but I dont let him hurt me anymore. But when I get threats from his girlfriend it brings me kind of down. She threatnds to beat me alot. Wich I take as an empty threat cause to be honest I know she is a wimp. But after the threat she keeps going on, on what a terrble person I am and how much better she is than me and how my Ex cheated on me with her because of how perfect she is and how beautiful she is... After a while that just gets to me. I push it away but then it creeps back later and now I wonder if she is right. I'm not the best person out there...Not good looking not to bright... To be honest somtimes I feel like I am trash... Lately I have also been scared about getting feelings for a new guy. Its been almost a year sence I got cheated on and left him. I met this guy and we talk here and there. Real sweet guy. Funny sweet. I have an intrest in him but not a huge intrest. I get scared though about having feelings for somone else. I for some reason feel like im betraying my ex who i loved by getting feelings for a new guy. And then I get scared with "Oh god if I do end up with him later will he hurt me aswell? will he cheat on me will he betray me?" all that crap. Dateing really isnt in my book at all. I mean I have alot of other things to worry about than love and guys and all that crap. But what also gets in the way is how my parents treat me. When I first got with my ex my parents hated him. They say i didnt love hime i never did. That I dont know what love is. and they get mad that it wasnt a guy of their choosing. Now I know up to a point they are trying to look after me. But isnt it my choice who I date? I mean I will listen to their opinon but when it comes to they choose I get angry. My parents never aproved of my ex so I got alot of rude remarks and the "your a whore" crap.... My brother got a new girlfriend he's happy and all and my parents adore her and yada yada. she go on saying how he got the perfect person and made the right choice unlike his sister...Im so tired of being told to be like him and tired of being told im wrong when i dont even get to state my opinon. I love parents. They do, do stuff right but not all the time... They ignore me all the time but the always make time to put me down and say im wrong... Bascly im asking help on how I should see myself. Im nothing special I know that. I just want to know how to be a better person and make everyone happy instead of being ignored and looked down on.
I have an idea of what you're going through. I've been through some parts of this myself. But not all of them. I can understand being afraid of getting with another guy. First of all I feel like it's important that I tell you that you shouldn't immediately get with another guy right away. It's a good idea to wait till you feel like you've had enough time to recover from your first heartbreak. You're still never completely over your very first love though...(believe me I know) 2nd, Don't kill yourself, Everyone has a purpose in life. And one day you'll find yours. I know I suck...I'm sorry that I couldn't give more and better advice than this...
On your ex's girlfriend threatening you: Call her out on it next time just to remind her how weak she is. Tell her to just go ahead because you know she's too weak to go through with it. There's one kid in my Latin class who makes empty threats like that at me several days a week and I always get a good laugh at his reaction to my response, as does the rest of the class. On the guy you might like: If you really did love your ex, you'd know that you don't need him anymore and that it's time to move on, especially if you might be developing feelings for another guy. Cherish the broken heart that your ex gave you as a sign that you really were in love. At the same time, do go after this new guy in hopes that he'll be much better. If he cheats like your ex, then he's just rotten scumbag just like 70% of us men. Remember, love is a game, and women make the rules. So learn either those rules, or how to change them in your favor. That's about the best advice I can give on the topic. On your parents: They do love you, but they probably think that you need their criticism more than their support right now. All kids, including myself, go through both of those stages. If I were you, I'd run away just for a night or so to remind them just how much they need you and how much you need their support. If they don't like your taste in men, that's their problem and they should be ashamed of themselves for not letting you make your own mistakes and learning from them.
I wouldn't suggest running away, but they really do need to realize how important you are. Well, one thing at a time. Don't listen to your ex's girlfriend. She probably knew that your ex was dating you and still she dated him and still is. Those kinds of people don't care for much and wouldn't ever stop to think how she is hurting you unless it is for the sake of pride. She probably has issues of her own but instead of trying to fix them she makes herself feel better by making fun of you. Her words are hollow, but if you do want to call her out just do so in a public place like school. If people laugh at her than that could make her think twice about doing anything. Other than that it would be best to cut all ties to them. And no matter what she or your parents say you are not trash. I've spoken to some people who know you and saw how worried they were when you made your departure thread. If you were trash then they would not of cared. Because they care you must be an awesome person and I've seen some posts of yours in the past and could tell that you're a kind girl. About the new guy, if you think you are not ready for a new realtionship then do not get into one. You can be close friends with him and if something happens then it happens. But don't ever try to rush into things. Just know that your ex holds nothing over you and if you want to move on then do so. Just take it slow at first and make sure he's not the type to cheat. My parents, step dad mainly, treats me like ****. Everything I do is wrong. I can't even look at him without getting a disapproving look. It pains me every time even though I hate him. I also can't even be in the same room with him due to the things he said and did. What pains me most is when my mom tells me that he cares for him and he does all of those things because he is worried and it hurts him when I talk badly about him. Truly makes me wonder that if he wants me to think of him as a father than why does he treats me so badly. And I know it's hard, but you have to ignore it. Or listen but don't take a single word seriously. And sometimes when you want to cry because of them try to laugh (not in their persence though, of course.) Laugh at their fooliness, or at how crazy it all is or just laugh at nothing at all. It may sound like insanity, but it helps. And before I was told to be like my brother but now I'm just told that I am going to end up like him, with a child and a drop-out. So no matter how your brother is they are going to be like that. SO what can you do? Well, you can be yourself. Be the best you that you can and make yourself proud, not them. Make it through day by day with little amount of regerts as possible and at the end of the day you can reflect. What did I do wrong, what did I do right, and how I can be even better tomorrow. And each day you can tell yourself that you're amazing. And one night I texted my email and it said 'Smile. You deserve to be happy' because it was a really bad day. I felt better that morning but after seeing my email, as I check it often, I couldn't help but to smile, and feel slightly embarrassed as well. It just reminded me about all of my friends who have said the same thing. So in the end, you may not be a super hero who will save everyone, but you are special. You are you and no one else and no one else is you. Ahh, I sound sappy, but I really hope that this help. And if you want to talk to me you can always pm/VM me or I can tell you my email.
Running away is better than killing yourself. It's actually DOING something, instead of giving up. That said, running away is a really bad idea, because it won't work. You're unable to provide for yourself and you still require education and shelter, all of which is provided by your family. If you want to run away, it's a lot easier to do so emotionally than it is physically. If you're overwhelmed, then avoid other people. It's the same effect as running away, but without the consequences. (Even so, that's probably not a healthy approach to take in the long run, but it's better than your other options.) Okay, time to turn the chessboard over. Let's find out what she's thinking. She tells you that she's significantly better than you are. This is a self-defeating statement. If she truly believed that, she wouldn't feel the need to voice her superiority. After all, do you tell every ant you see that you're bigger and better? Of course not. The mere fact that she's bothered enough to go out of her way to insult you proves that she views you as a rival and a threat. She's acknowledged you as an equal, or possibly a superior. She's afraid of you. After all, your ex got with you at one point, and it's possible (in her mind) that he might choose you again. If you want a decent comeback, then take Keyblade Spirit's suggestion, or you can point out that she's with a guy who cheats, and eventually he'll cheat on her. You owe nothing to your ex. He broke that bond of trust. Any feelings you still have towards him are towards your image of him, and not his true nature. As for the new guy: You're thinking about it the wrong way. Almost all relationships end. That's a risk that one takes when they get into something. However if you take the approach of never getting into a relationship because it's likely to end badly, you'll never get anywhere. All relationships are likely to end. The ones that don't appear less than once in a lifetime. That's not going to change, no matter how long you wait. Instead, you need to accept that, and learn to go for it anyway. Yes, he may hurt you. You may hurt him. It's possible that it'll end calmly, or that you won't end it at all. He's not necessarily going to cheat on you, and if you choose to pursue a relationship with him, you'll need to have a certain degree of trust in him, otherwise suspicion and paranoia will tear it apart from the inside. I'd recommend going for it. You can't base your opinions of all relationships on the actions of one guy, and an entire year is more than enough time to dedicate to a guy who cheated on you and already moved on. You are young, so they question your judgement. That much is inevitable. Also, from their point of view, they were right, as your ex cheated on you, and it didn't last. It's not right of them to disregard your emotions though. Next time it comes up, calmly ask them for a definition of love, and what criteria your feelings fail to meet, and how you can identify love in the future. You'll find that they're unable to answer it. NOTE: You're to ask how to identify whether an emotion is love or not, not whether a relationship is love or not. That means they can't answer "It's lasted for five years", or "You're older than 21", or any other such answers that essentially avoid the question. Interrogate them on the difference between your emotion, and the emotion which they call love, as that's what they've directly derided. You are entitled to date whoever you like. That doesn't mean your parents have to approve of your chosen partner. You have the freedom to date, but likewise, your parents parents have the right to judge as they please. You can choose to disregard their views, but they have no obligation to support the relationship. Comments such as "You're a whore" are completely out of line, whichever way you try to spin it. Not only is it incorrect (you are neither promiscuous, nor offer sex in return for money), but also inappropriate for a parental figure to say. It's like a teacher giving up on a student, calling them a ******. Your brother's girlfriend says that she's better than you, and made the right choice? I'd recommend talking to your brother about that. Also, you did make the right choice. You dumped your boyfriend after giving him a fair run. You were true to your emotions, and when you decided that he was unsuitable, you ended it. That's a mature way to deal with it, as opposed to simply judging right off the bat. You are your own person. You don't have to follow in your brother's footsteps. Why don't you get to state your opinions? You have a voice, don't you? You believe you're right, don't you? You have a strong argument to back up your point of view, don't you? Then fight back, and defend yourself! If you haven't constructed an argument, then do so! If you need help, feel free to post. It's always fun to help someone argue a point. By the way, your brother's choice hasn't proven correct yet. After all, there's still the possibility that his girlfriend will cheat on him, and that possibility cannot be denied, no matter what he does (short of killing her, but that's not a practical solution). You need to make a choice. Either accept that you're wrong, and accept their criticism on how to improve yourself, or decide that you have nothing you're ashamed of, and fight back. If nothing else, it'll help get more insight on your parents' point of view. Wrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrong! You don't have to make everyone happy. The only duty you have is to make yourself happy! It helps your happiness if those around you are also happy, but that doesn't mean you need everyone to be happy. You can stop being looked down upon if you can show that you're able to think rationally. For example, giving an emotional speech about how your Ex was your one-true-love is probably a bad idea. Instead, it would be better to explain why dating him was a good idea at the time, but ultimately proved to be a failed venture. You must acknowledge that it was a failure, but you can still protect why you decided to date him at the beginning. We're happy to help with formulating such explanations and reasonable arguments (and such arguments exist and can be made), but we need to know what to help with. You are young, and naturally you have made mistakes. There is no shame in making an error. Maturity lies in accepting that you've made an error, and realising that not all your choices are wrong, and that while some of your actions have ended in failure, you are not a failure as a person. You then use that error to work on bettering yourself as a person. Special or not, you're still a person, and no matter what anyone else thinks, you have the right to try to find happiness.
I should do that thanks. I would love to see what she would do. I get tired of her empty threats. Thank you <3 Cherish my broken heart? I never thought of it that way... So bascly chershing it turns into somthing good correct? I like that idea. And I know about the rules. I've been learning them and seeing what I could do to put them in my favor if I end up with this guy and have them ready if I ever end up with another guy. I would run away for a night though I have no were to stay. At this point though I really think they wont care of how long I am gone. Somtimes I get the feelings they dont even want me around. They constantly ignore me no matter what. I get where you are coming from with that. I will call her out on it next time when she does it again. I can cut all ties with her but I cant cut ties with my ex. I'm not the type to cut out somone I love forever. It will take me some time. I worry about him alot. Its how I am. Once I care about somone it stays. Even though he hurt me like hell I still worry about him. I will try to cut ties with him. It has been a while sence we talked so I guess that will be my start. I know you may see it as stupid and if you do I do agree cause people do ask me why do I still care even though he hurt me. Its how I am. I go by "forgive and forget" though the forgiveing porcess takes a long time. I mean isnt better to care than dwell on it? I guess you're right. But somtimes I think they are right mostly because I really feel like I am. I want to do better so in their eyes. But I guess thats impossoble. But how do I go about stoping the thoughts of thinking I am trash? Trust me I have no intenstion in rushing into things. No way. And I will take it slow. Its always better to get to know them as best as you can right? I'm so sorry that has happened to you. Time heals all wounds I do hope things get better. And I will start trying to laugh it off. It's just hard to ignore because it's my own parents y'know? Parents shouldnt do that right? We treats our parents with respect as they treat their kids with repsect. Isnt it how its supose to go? or somthing along those lines? I will do that. Though how can I tell myself I'm amazing when I see so many things wrong with me? Im sorry I'm asking so many things I just want to understand. Thats a fantastic idea <3 Not sappy at all. It was very helpful <3 I guess you're right. And at this point in time education is needed. And I already run away emotionly. As you said it isnt the best but right now it's all I got to keep myself sane enough to get through everyday. But how could I be a threat?(sorry with stuff like this im stupid) I mean there is no way I would even try to get him back. Why would she see me as superior? I mean I see it as this. She is better than me cause she was able to take him away from me. She is more mentaly sane than I am and im just a flat out terrble and probely annoying person... I will catch her out on it. And I have told her what he is and he may do it to her but all she said was "Well that was just for you because you where so terrlbe. He chose me cause natrually I'm much better for him".... Sometimes I wonder if she is right. I know all of that I really do. No relationship lasts for ever. It will have problems we will get hurt and as you said it may not even end. But at this point in time I am scared. I loved my ex. And what he did ofcourse left a huge scar. What I am afraid of is that if I do get into a relationship with this guy or any guy at that they will leave me for the reason my ex did. Wich I am assuming is cause I think I am a terrble person and a nusence. I guess you are right. And again I know I cant base my opinions of all realationships cause of what one guy did. Like I said befor I am just scared.
You still worry about him... That I admire. And yes, someone should always care and this makes you sound wise. It does take a lot of time, but seeing that you're willing to try it makes you stronger than a lot of people. I wish I knew the answer to this that would help you. But I'm not sure how to stop my thoughts. I think you should think about both sides, but so long as you disagree with the negative. Always. Not much else to say really... People think that parents and kids should have an automatice bond because of the blood connection, but in my opinion that bond should be formed through out the years as one would form a bond with a friend. It is a parent's job to protect their kids and be fair and the kid should obey the rules. But there's a point where it all becomes unfair. If one side disrespects the other without cause then any bond is tampered with as it would be with friends. And it's true that time heals wounds, but it's more important that one use their time wisely and not wait for the time to do all of the work. No need to apologize, it's understandable. And because everything that is wrong, as you say it is, can be good too. Nothing is perfect. Our flaws make up who we are just as much as our good parts too. It's like a yin and a yang thing. We cannot be good without being bad. And everything we do good there's some bad to it, but everything we do wrong has some good to it. I'm glad that it helps.
She feels the need to state her superiority to you. That is a fact. She is clearly doing so for a reason. By that train of thought, it's clear that you have qualities she feels inferior to. She took him away from you, but he chose you first, and you two were happy for a while. That much proves that you have good qualities, and she has a reason to fear you. Sure, you may not even want to take him back, but she doesn't know that. She's a person just like you are. She can't read minds. Why do you say you're a flat-out terrible and annoying person? I don't doubt that you have flaws, yes. To have flaws is normal. However I wouldn't describe you as 'flat-out terrible'. What do you do that makes you feel you are 'flat-out terrible and annoying'? If you can identify what you're doing, then stop doing it, and you'll stop being 'flat-out terrible and annoying'. If you can't identify what makes you 'flat-out terrible and annoying', then you have to accept that you're not. You thought that you two were suited together too though. She's just making the same mistake as you. He got bored of you, and he'll get bored of her. If it honestly bothers you that much, then the best way to end a conversation is to smile and say "If you say so" in a patronising tone. It irritates people like no tomorrow, and doesn't leave them with much room to argue back. You definitely have one major character flaw: A complete lack of self-esteem. To put it crudely, you suck because you think you suck. To be fair, it isn't much fun to be around someone who constantly needs to be told that they aren't a lump of crap. The solution to this is fairly simple, but it requires you to make some effort. You get into a relationship because the two people enjoy sharing each other's company. That means that there are features there that they enjoy about you. You may not be able to pinpoint them, but simply knowing that they exist should be enough to get rid of the feeling that you're unlovable. Of course, you need to honestly believe in that train of thought. If you brush away that idea, then it won't help at all. If you don't want to improve, you won't improve. Fear is there for a reason, to pinpoint a problem. It's not there because your body doesn't like you. If you identify the problem, you can then push the fear aside and deal with the problem itself. In this case, you have low self-esteem. There's a way to remedy that. Now that you know that, you can enter into the relationship without worry. Yes, your problem makes sense. The best way to approach such a conversation is with a bit of tact. So instead of saying "I love [guy's name]", say "I like [guy's name]", for example. I know it may be difficult, but try not to get too emotional with them. They're trying to communicate advice, and you're (presumably) trying to receive advice. If you're not seeking advice, then I recommend not talking to them about it at all. Seeking approval is a waste of time. You're the only approval you need for a relationship. Personally, I've taken the latter route, and decided to conceal as much as possible from my parents, because it's less trouble that way. Sure, this way, my mother suspects I'm a closet gay, but it's significantly easier to shrug off her occasional suggestion than it would be to try to explain everything to them. As a result, I don't get bothered much, but I can't get advice from them either. If you don't want the advice though, then just conceal it. Refer to boyfriends as 'just friends', etc. Then you also understand that you are not a whore, so you shouldn't let her words bother you. You liked him and he liked you, so you went out together. He cheated on you, so you dumped him. That sounds like the right reasons to me. Something is extremely wrong if you're surprised you made the right choice. Every time you make a decision, you believe that it's the correct choice, don't you? After all, you'd only choose to do something if you thought the choice was correct. Sure, sometimes you'll find out later that it was the wrong choice. Until then, you should fully believe your choices are the right ones. How can you expect others to have confidence in you if you don't even have faith in yourself? If they refuse to listen to reason, then you don't need their opinions anyway. Prove them wrong by having a perfectly reasonable discussion with them.
I'm not sure what other people have said and I'm sure they're right too. I've been in the same boat as you and in some places still am. You're ex's girlfriend is not better than you. I'm not saying everyone's like a supermodel to me, but if she has to state that she's better, prettier and whatever else she's saying, then she's not. Those that have to say it, are actually very ugly on the inside. I've had one of those girls around me. I brushed her off because I know that everyone is beautiful on the inside, based on their heart. It's a lame thing to say, I know, but I recently learned no one has to prove to anyone that they are smart, pretty or better because those that try to prove it won't end up very pretty in the end. When she's older, I'll bet she has wrinkles from worry (because dating someone that cheated on his girlfriend to have her will always worry that he'll do the same to her), grayed and split hair and probably have something awful happen to her that'll marr her looks. Your parents sound like mine. They fight and ignore me and find time to say I'm the worst child they've ever had. With and abusive brother, I don't think I have much to be compared to. Who you chose to love is your decision, parents don't approve of everyone and mine have often told me my boyfriend isn't my boyfriend and that I too don't love him. They're wrong. What matters is what's in your heart. I don't have much to say on it though, since I'm still trying to figure a way to deal with my parents. This guy you are interested in: you don't have to date him, feeling attracted to him and not dating him is okay to do. It's cheesy and not much but in my experience you should let your heart tell you what to feel about him. Major interest doesn't happen overnight and I've found it's the ones that you're not very interested in in the first place that make a better partner in life. My suggestion, think confidently about your traits that God gave you and be proud to be who you are. It takes a lot of work, I know but one day, if even for a moment, you can hold your head high and ignore evil comments about yourself if progress and it's worthy of praise. I've made this promise to someone else already and have yet to see it happen but one day I'd like to meet you in real life. I feel like I could get along with you very well. I'm not proud to say this, but I'm the vicious type that stands up for my friends and if I were next to you when your ex's girlfriend says hurtful things, we'd learn a few things. :noworries: We're all connected by a thread that's tied around our finger and I'll hold tightly to that thread if you do. Us here...at KHV, we'll never put you down and if we could, we'd bring you ice cream and warm cookies and hugs to cheer you up. :glomp: I know I would, because you are who you are for a reason.
