Fate: Unfinished saint. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Fate remains wholly inexorable†-Anonymous Fate 1: Harmless trap. *Damian* “RIIIINGGG!!!!†The disturbing sound of the alarm signaling the first day of school started its noise; And small rays of sunlight could be seen through the small openings in the curtains. As a new day began, I could hear the calm chirping of birds, and the smell of breakfast being cooked downstairs. “The first day of school†“Damian are you awake!?†I could hear the sound of my mother calling. "7:30" I was late. I quickly jumped out of my bed, moving myself toward the bathroom, which them was followed by a short visit to my closet, getting the first thing I could grab to wear, It didn’t matter that much after all. I moved trough the hall and down the stairs, only to be greeted by my cheery and upbeat family. I certainly acted very different from them, I was a black sheep in this family, but somehow they seemed to dismiss all that and treated me as if I was just like them, which in one way or another I was grateful for. I quickly grabbed my backpack, it was the first day of school after all, and I didn’t want to be late, and if I did make it in time I wouldn’t need to hide so much, because there would be commotion from freshman’s. “School, sanctuary of learning some might call it, to me it was nothing more than a brainwashing institution ruled by drama and social divisions which could only cause trouble.†I moved steadily through the cobblestone path, making enough distance between me and my house, it was just a few moments later that I spotted the school campus, how convenient it was to live in such a small town, school was just a few blocks away. The great and big school, the great building stood tall, it’s gray colors contrasting in the sunlight, separated from the sounds of the town, surrounded by trees that rocked gently in the wind, if there was something to like about it, it would have been that. Everyone was already entering the campus, and I could see everyone well dressed and showing off, looking at mirrors, Breaking in clothes, and chattering whatever it is we teens chatter about; It was always like this, the people would focus so much on superficial things, that they forgot the main reason to go to school. I grew sick and tired of watching this every year, I really couldn’t care less, but in the end I somehow ended devastated by the less-than important dilemmas, If something, I had much to complain about my life; For starters, I was greatly surprised with how stupid some people were; Having a constant routine over and over again was not something I enjoyed either; And I’m not sure how I put up with it. The school bell rang so I decided to make my way to the classroom, and I almost entered unnoticed, I was almost about to go into a state of tranquility. “Made it without incci-“My thought was cut off abruptly by a voice. “Hello, Damian†I made a forced stop, and that voice, that soft voice, that I could associate with annoyance could only belong to… “Hey, Richard†I said in a muffled tone. Richard torwell He’s the person who everyone wants to be friends with, except me, that is, he’s the perfect example of a teenager with lots of options, he could simply do whatever he wishes to do, and yet he doesn’t , now, I’m not sure why he still talks to me, he must Talk to me out of pity or something similar to it, I’m sure that he being with me must have ruined his reputation somehow. “Damian?†He said waving his hand in front of my face; I usually tend to think too much, which sometimes gets me spaced out As the teacher came in, I took a seat in the back, looking around inspecting each one of my classmates, everyone seemed excited enough to start another boring school year The teacher started giving class, but as always I wasn’t really listening, I always sat in the back and next to a window, if I wasn’t going to listen to the teacher , I might as well look at the scenery the trees surrounding the school had to offer. Classes slowly ended, one by one, it was almost torture having to go through introductions and the morning classes, horrible to say the least, but finally half of the day was over, and now I was to be thrown in a jungle. Lunch time A jungle, because it’s expansive, holds animals, and it’s such a bother not being able to eat with your group, they make you go through the trouble of looking for tables that are always divided by social divisions; Animals marking their turf. So I just looked for an empty table and sat as quickly and inavertedly as I could. “GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!†the loud yell could be heard through the whole cafeteria. I had almost forgotten… “Rebecca Trasver “ The girl that stirred things up, I don’t really know her personally, but from the much disputes I’ve seen started by her, its not hard to figure out what kind of person she is. “MOVE!!!†-she pushed a girl on her way, as she flipped her golden hair, and looked in a small mirror that reflected a face that was heavy laden with cosmetics. The poor fallen girl spilled all her food over her, covering her dark hair completely and the rest of her food being splattered abruptly in the floor, she looked familiar somehow, but it was too far away to actually tell. I only gave a sigh and sat down on a table, in which Richard quickly sat too. “She sure hasn’t lost her touch†Richard said with a slight chuckle. “He was one to talk, I would probably classify him with her type of people if he wasn’t so nice to me.†I just kept eating, the cafeteria was very big, big enough for people to start dividing in different social groups as they ate, which to some might be a blessing. And I wondered why Richard seated next to me; he could easily move with the “popular†people, he was more than welcome. I felt compelled to ask him, but it didn’t seem to be important, so I decided to opt against it. As the day continued, I slowly made my way to a seat in the back, next to a window; The last class of the day had begun, and I started to look out the window, as I was so accustomed to , almost like a ritual, something essential to me now. “This will always be the same, and I better get used to it. We humans can’t change our fate, there are many things which….†My thought got interrupted as the director entered our classroom, and behind him, a person I had never seen before. And just like that the classroom started chattering, and whispering; probably making some sort of biased judgment to the person who was being presented. “Hello students, we would like you to meet your new classmate, his name is….†“Faite, Pantheon†the young man said in a very odd way of speaking, he was certainly different from any of us, his auburn colored hair was well cut, and his eyes looked like two emeralds , aside from that he was overly bland, his clothing didn’t seem at all that spectacular. I was a tad surprised, but quickly looked back outside the window, besides by the chatter everyone else was whispering I could tell they had far more interest in this new person than what I cared. As soon as the introductions were over, our class president quickly stood up, trying to leave some sort of impression as always. Class president, Francheska Milan. Francheska has been class president, ever since primary school, after all there was no one who strived for perfection as much as she did. Francheska always clashed with Rebecca, because of her perfectionist nature she always reprimanded Her; Not only that, but she always was scolding me, she said she didn’t like my attitude towards education. “What was her problem!?†she couldn’t have enough with controlling her life; she also had to control everyone else’s. She suffocated him with invitations to seat next to her. “Always trying to be the best….do you ever think about others†But as luck would have it, he sat next to me, and my curiosity was getting the better of me. So as soon as he sat down I started inspecting him, but only slightly, so he wouldn’t notice. I quickly spotted an apple. “How old-school to bring an apple to the teacher†I thought, but as the bell rang he never gave it. I quickly made my way back through the halls; I was like a shadow going through the campus, if it wasn’t for Richard, I would probably get away without gathering too much attention, that’s why I avoided being around him during free periods , he always attracted, too much unwanted people . So I made my way back home as I was so accustomed to do everyday of the school year; in this small town there was really no need for me to take any other type of transportation. “This new guy made things a bit different, but that doesn’t change the facts that, my life can never change†I thought as I made my way through the road. As I walked down the cobblestone path; I stopped as I saw a round shape on the floor. “An Apple?†I thought as I bent down to pick up a succulent looking apple. And as I stood up, I saw “Himâ€. “The new guy “Faite.†“Excuse me, I seem to have dropped it†he said pointing to the apple, and speaking in an odd accent. “Yeah…†I replied in a less than enthusiastic tone. “I wasn’t sure what to say at this point, not that I really cared.†He looked at me, and then smiled. “Its okay, you can keep it†he said as he slowly walked to the conrary side of the cobblestone path. I started walking down the path again; looked at the apple, rubbed it clean, and bit it, was somewhat bitter, but I ate it whole. Yet once I ate it I felt a sense of guilt over me for some reason. “Maybe we can’t change our fate, but somehow mine seems to be changing…â€
I've always liked the the idea you have here and I think you're going in a good direction. But I still think you need some work on this, just some editing for grammar and awkward phrasing. The thing I happened to notice most was that it's backpack, not bagpack and you forgot to mention when Damian first picked up the apple that he ate at the end. Well, yeah, I think that's a good compendium of your errors. Just try to fix the grammar, spelling, and general technical things like phrasing things so they sound fluid and connected and you'll have a good thing going here.
Fate 2: Promised sanctuary *Richard* “Sanctuary……often a word used to describe a place of rest, or a place desirable….,now students….†The enthusiastic teacher kept speaking, out loud, as he slammed his hand on the desk each time as a sign of amusement. “There is nothing, I want more…†those could be my only thoughts as I slowly looked around, or distracted myself with things that were less important than class. Slam!!! The teacher amused once again hit the desk as he was so accustomed to do, but this time it wasn’t out of amusement, but done in a scolding manner. “Richard, maybe you could delve further into the word sanctuary", the teacher grinned, almost looking triumphant due to seeing me quiver in such an unprepared manner. “Sanctuary…well... Sanctuary may often be related to a place often dreamt of, or maybe a place that has been experienced in bliss†I grinned as I sat down with my eyes fixated on the teacher who was in every sense of the word OWNED. It’s not that I enjoyed humiliating my teachers in front of their whole class, well maybe a bit, but some teacher almost begged me to. Today was a day that was dragging on too long, it was a special day, but the special thing about it wasn’t exactly school related and thus I would have to wait until school activities were over. [XxX] “I’m not going! “ A stern look was the only thing I could get from the black haired youth, I called my friend. “Damian…you need to go!†I said looking for a better answer as I positioned myself to eat lunch. “I will not go and that’s final!†His face serious seemed to be all too decided on this matter, but I wasn’t going to settle for a no. “Try telling that to her†I said as I greeted the girl who positioned herself in a seat. The short and beautiful girl that had been our friend ever since I can remember “Maria!†Damian looked at her almost like he was caught between a rock and a hard place. “You’re screwed Damian, now you have no choice but to say yes†I grinned sheepishly as I looked at the now forced face my friend Damian had no other choice but to present. “We are going to see my brother today, right?†The young petit girl said as she accommodated her long black hair behind her. “You remember the place right?†“The word sanctuary was very akin to the place she talked about, it was only a little hill, but the memories it held were enough to deem it of such a title.†School hours passed by without occurrence as the clock signaled the end of another day. [XxX] “Damian comes on, Maria said she’s going to head on first†I said with an enthusiastic tone, which made me remember the anxiousness of a child. As we walked towards the vast union of trees, I could feel something wasn’t exactly right. “Damian…..†I was interrupted in my words, and I could barely keep a joyful face. “Hello†The thing I would not want to happen today, happened, as I looked into clear opposition in the eyes of this intruder. “Hello Faite†It seemed Damian enjoyed being around him, and I could only stand there, even when I tried to talk to this new person, it felt like my words drowned in something couldn’t describe. “Damian, we need to go†I said looking anywhere else but his face, avoiding any eye contact , I felt Faite could almost look into you, or at least I felt that way. To this he looked at me in a confused manner, I just pulled him away into the trees and to the location we were going. “What was that all about!?†Damian asked freeing himself from my grip. “Well, we need to hurry and….†“And what! You think you can just take me to wherever you want to go?†Damian spat angrily back at me. “Whatever, let’s just get this over with†He started taking the lead as he moved towards the forest; I didn’t even care to utter a word. “Maze…†The only words I could find to describe the next extension of our location, a burned down school that was left without any sort of ceiling, the crumbled brick walls had stacked up in a manner you would really think it was a maze. The small vines connected to each other formed beautiful decoration for this maze, almost had if someone had purposely made the vines to position themselves in that way. “In order to reach sanctuary thou must cross this maze†I remembered hearing those words from my grandmother, as she told me some sort of story about a maze, and at the end of the maze the heroes of the story would find a Goddess. It almost sounded like a fairytale…. We certainly knew the way to reach the end of this maze; we had gone through it so many times we had already grown accustomed to it. Damian and I couldn’t have been more silent, I wasn’t exactly sure how to start a conversation with him, and to me it seemed he saw me as nothing more than a bother, now that he seemed angry I didn’t think it was okay to talk to him. “After knowing all this,hould I really keep being his friend?†The imminent question pierced all of my thoughts. But more importantly was another question which made a tingle come up my spine. “Was I truly ready to enter sanctuary?â€
Chapter 1 is interesting. I like it. The grammar/punctuation needs to be fixed up a bit, but otherwise good. Chapter 2 was a little confusing to me with the POV switch.
Fate 3: Intrusion *Richard* The pathway extended toward the hill, that came to a stop in the great tree that shaded it’s moderate expanse, as I followed Damian a few paces back, I could feel a tense atmosphere that created a gap between us “It truly has been a while, maybe more than I would want to remember” My thoughts felt like drifting smoke among my head, almost evanescent; but at this moment that shouldn’t have been an important matter, and yet it felt like nails being pushed through my head. “why must you neglect me?” The though kept hitting, breaking slowly through every little action. “Are you okay, Richard?” Said the voice I recognized as Maria’s “Where is he?” I said looking behind Maria’s petit figure ; trying to find any trace of the reason why I had decided to come. “My brother is over there” Maria pointed to a part of shade, where I could see a slight tall figure, to my surprise this didn’t seem very amusing, I really was looking forward to this , but my thoughts might have been focused elsewhere. "We had finally returned to the little hill, the one that held all of our childhood memories, but somehow instead of the excitement that I felt before; I felt many questions and doubts overwhelm me." “Have I really lost sight; where had these sudden doubts come from?” “Hey, Richard, come on” I could hear, Alphonse, Maria’s brother who was now extending his hand as a sign of invitation. My body was ready to react as it had done many times ago , A warm reception that involved, contact between two bodies, a hug, surely this might have been acceptable between children, but I couldn’t do that to Alphonse now. “Hey, guys, how long as it been?” Alphonse said scratching his head with a slight grin. “The Hill, it was merely just a little special place we found when we were children , but nonetheless it felt unique, to me it always held a freshness and purity , as if the problems of this world couldn’t reach this place, the great tree that stood to shade it, the grass that felt like a sheet of wool, but that alone didn’t make the place so great, it was the things we shared here, a place that rejected problems of the world.” “Five long years….” Damian said , in a tone that distilled some sort of faint disgust, as he moved toward the edge of the hill, looking at the vast expanse of city that stretched itself toward the distance of hills. To this behavior, Alphonse looked at me quizzically, the question his expression made was clear. I just shrugged slightly, after all there was no answer, or at least no answer I could give. Maria looked at both of us, and seemed pressured. “Let’s eat something” She said, as she unfolded a small blue colored blanket that was big enough to cover a small patch of grass, her intention was probably to lift the mood. Everyone sat down, but Damian sat a few feet away from us. “Five years of doing this already” Alphonse said giving a long sigh. “Well it’s your fault for being such a good athlete, maybe you wouldn’t be in the “school for the specially jerks” I said almost sarcastically. “Meh, its not my fault, besides when I’m in a professional football team, you guys can come see me, being in a sports school will pay off just you wait.” He said jokingly. “Wouldn’t be much to brag about” Maria said, her voice was always so faint, and innocent sounding. “Way to betray your brother” Alphonse said jokingly, messing Maria’s hair with his hand, with his other hand grabbing a pack of chips. There was a slight silence. “Umm….guys, do you remember the first time we came here?” Maria said as she looked slightly at Damian. “Yeah…Richard you always got lost on the maze…I always had to go get you and bring you by the hand” Alphonse said laughing, while he finished his bag of chips. There was another awkward silence, everyone was expecting Damian to actually say something, even if just slight. “Five years, five years and we still keep doing this crap, don’t you get tired of it?” Damian finally spoke, his words had a very angered tone in them. “Of what?, you being such an jackass?” Alphonse said defensively “Water and oil, Alphonse and Damian; Alphonse was a jock by trade, or at least people thought of him that way; Damian could be considered a whiner and very “emo” , but I think this was hardly the case, there was more than meets the eye, in both cases.” “Well, maybe if you weren’t so whiny about your life you would learn to appreciate it more!” Alphonse spouted as the verbal demolition continued it’s course “What would you know!? , you barely have any brains to sustain that body of yours which might be your only asset” Damian said, now standing up ,thinking of good insults which to throw at Alphonse. “Alright , that’s it!” Alphonse yelled as he got ready to throw a punch, which landed directly to Damian’s face, fortunately Damian moved just quick enough to avoid getting his face broken and only ended up with a little bruise, i just looked at the scene inmobilized and astonished. Silence… “Brother, no!” Maria said stopping Alphonse from taking further action, as she stood in the middle of them. “I don’t need this ****!” Damian spouted as he started running off towards the maze. “Alphonse!” Maria said, before quickly running off behind Damian and through the maze. There was a slight silence and I just stood there without even trying to utter a word. Alphonse just regained his composure and leaned against the great tree. “I’m sorry” He said moving toward me, and placing his hand on my shoulder. “I can’t say you did the right thing, but you should really apologize to Damian” I said as I looked at the expanse of the hill. “Maybe later…..hey how have things been ever since I changed schools?”, He said lowering his tone slightly, moving his hand away slowly. “well, everything has been okay…just your average 16 year olds” I said forcing a fake smile, the thing I had just said was a great lie. “Maria, even though it was the second day of school, was already being picked on by Rebecca and her crew, Damian had turned even more bitter towards things, and I…,I was so confused about so many things.” “I’m glad that you guys are okay, Remember I’m older than you by 2 years so if anything happens I’ll always be there to protect you guys, even Damian, okay?” He said, messing his hair slightly to spike it. “Always protect us….he was more than meets the eye in so many ways, some people might have said he was only a brute or a jock, but he was always protecting us, ever since childhood and even at the age 13 when he first left school , he still found a way to protect us” As I found myself thinking this, I noticed how close he was to me, and I felt nervous, and my stomach started feeling a bit cold, so I moved back to create distance. He just looked at me and sat down on the hill’s border, leaning back with his hand as support. “I’m just staying to watch the sundown” He said, staring at the distance. The brightly colored sphere moved through the hills as if slightly caressing them one last time, as it started falling under them, and the sky turned into shades of different light red and pink colors. “I shouldn’t stay until nightfall, I need to catch up to Maria” Alphonse said standing up and cleaning any trace of grass that might have gotten stuck in his team jacket. “I’m going, are you gonna go now?, you should, just so you don’t get lost on the maze” He said, grinning slightly. “That was only when I was a kid, I think I’ll survive on my own this time” I said jokingly. After a few minutes , silence fell on the hill, and I was alone in it, maybe I could have a chance to sort out my thoughts. “I’m not sure why Damian, seems so repulsed by things, maybe he is going through a phase, maybe I should do the same and grow up, stop silly reunions like these, face my fears…tell him how I truly feel..” My chain of thought got interrupted by some slight footsteps, which made great contrast with the silence that was just moments ago. “Alphonse….did you forget something?” I turned as I spoke, but then a throbbing pain in my chest, made me immediately know who it was… Faite… ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Edit: If you wanna give me a detailed inspection of any chapter you PM it, please?, cause i don't want an super huge post here, i know it would nail you another post, but please don't.
I know you requested that there be no long posts about grammar so I'll keep it short and general. Okay, thing that jumps out most is this incomplete sentence right here. "Letting a blanket unfold ; and placing a variety of snacks on it." You need a subject that's doing the action. You really need some kind of spelling and grammar check beforehand because there are a bunch of other minor things. As far as the story it's a bit rushed. The reunion seems to only last for a few minutes and you should try to work a bit more on getting a feel of Maria and Alphonse. They seem a little bit empty and place holder like at times. Also, try to connect chapter to chapter, you make little hops in time or point of view every time you start a new one, I think you need to find a way to give each start a kind of connection to everything else. Make it clear by the first line or so who exactly is speaking and what has just happened or something that won't get people lost. One last thing, were I you I'd try to give a bit more length to these because you should a have more vivid and powerful descriptions and more delineating structure overall or something like that.
I was gonna make the reunion longer....that way i could explain a lot of things about the characters....you know...i'll edit that...before i get on with chapter 4, i do have my doubts about placing too much description, i'm just not sure why i'm so doubtfull about descriptions....i'll try to get this...chapter done better. i will try to get this mistakes fixed...because i really wanted to expand on maria and Alphonse...but i was afraid of making things drag on...and seem slow...guess i did the contrary....okay, thanks.
Okay, I totally, or at least mostly understand where you're coming from on this one. Being slow is not a good thing and I can understand not wanting your work to be boring because that is a major turn off. But, from what you've explained it seems you're going in a good direction from here.
Unseen Fate 3: Spilled explanations *Damian* The sound of cracking leaves could be heard as I ran through the brick labyrinth that had formed out of school debris. “How could that idiot hit me!?” My anger welled up inside, thinking of reasons why the actions of that brute were completely uncalled for. “Damian, wait!” Maria yelled as she tried to catch up to me, but barely getting close enough. “Maria, leave me alone!” I shouted without looking back, still running; breathing heavily, my head filled with many questions. “Damian, please w-ahhh!” Maria tried to speak but she wasn’t careful enough and tripped, after that there was a slight silence; I stopped running as I saw Maria on the ground, without uttering a word, but instead of that whimpering silently. “Maria a-are you okay?” I said almost enough for her not to hear, she just looked up, her eyes had already filled with tears, and she looked just about ready to blow up. “No!, I’m not okay” The brokenhearted girl said, as she laid on the floor, pressing her hands against it, trying to regain her petit posture. “I thought it would be okay if we reunited again, I thought I could make things better even if all of us weren’t together, we could at least be like the old times, even if it was only for a little bit….I know it sounds selfish, but its all I have….Everything.” Silence. “Everything….Maria did live miserably, she was alone with her grandmother, her brother was always at that special school of his, and she was truly all alone, it was moments like these that actually represented something to her.” “I’m sorry…” Those were the only words that I could say, watching her on the ground still crying. “I’m sorry; I’ve destroyed something you’ve wanted for so long, it seems I’m only good for that Maria.” I truly felt like crying, because I was hurting the friend who was always there for me. Always there for me… “Maria was like the sister I never had, we grew up together, In fact we did everything together, a very shy girl, but still the only girl I could talk to without being repelled or rejected, she looked very frail, but there was some beauty behind her silver eyes, and her long black hair” “Maria, get up, come on” I extended my hand to try and help her in any way I could. "Will things be okay?" Maria asked, still questioning whether or not to accept the helping hand. "It's okay Maria, we'll work this out...besides its getting late, tomorrow there is school" My voice sounding as convincing as possible, just to get her back on her feet. After a few seconds, hands clenched tightly, Maria tried to get up. “O-okay…let’s, ugh!” The frail look on the girl indicated some sort of pain, seeing as she fell so abruptly. [XxX] A few sunstrokes hit the tall debris around the two friends as they both made their way through the maze like structure, one being carried feeling the warmth of her friends back. “How are you feeling Maria?” A question that fell on deaf ears as her friend was now asleep on his back. “She smells so nice” I felt my problems being pushed aside, even if for a little bit, the only thing that mattered was the warmth feeling I felt from Maria. “Damian….I’m sorry”, the frail girl muttered in her sleep, As Damian smiled slightly. “Is this what they call friendship?”
You used some words wrong. Well maybe not exactly wrong but not exactly right anyways. I'd review it or get someone with a lot of time to do it. Oh yeah, your words go and stretch the page. I'd fix that.
Fate 4: Like kids in the rain. *Richard* We both stood staring at each other for a few moments before Faite finally decided to speak on his account. “Quite a debacle the one that occurred here, eh?” The strange boy said moving slowly through the expanse of space on the hill. If there was something strange, it was this, why was he following us? , could it have only been a coincidence his appearance here? , the fact of the matter was that I was too afraid to ask, it had been merely two days of class with him, and yet he made me feel some sort of urge, one to be alert around him, I couldn’t explain it as something more than a feeling. “Are you feeling well?” He asked, I couldn’t exactly read his face; he had a smirk, almost as if he knew I was afraid, but I wasn’t really showing any sort of fear. “I’m fine…..umm, why are you here?” The inevitable question that had to be asked, but I tried to hide my questioning intentions; I felt that maybe making any mistake would hurt. “But, really why should I feel this, how much harm could another student do?” “Oh? Don’t worry, I just came because I was looking for Damian, but I guess he wouldn’t want to talk right now, he seemed mad” He shrugged slightly looking at the ground as he kicked some grass. “You’re lying”I muttered under my breath, almost as if the thought slipped from me. This wasn’t right, the feeling was too wrong, he was lying I could just feel it on the back of my head. As soon as my face showed a more serious tone, something even stranger happened, Faite’s calm face slowly had a smirk, and his Green emerald eyes now seemed to radiate some sort of glow that reflected sinister intentions. Just like in horror movies, when the guy you least expect is the killer, yes maybe that could describe my situation. “Am I imagining this?” I just kept looking at him, as a cold feeling went upward through my body. “You catch on quick…..oh, but I just came to talk…to you” His fine accent was now gone, and his face seemed darker, if I needed to run it would have been at this point, but I couldn’t will myself to do so. I finally saw the true colors of the new kid, he didn’t look that menacing, but for some reason his face and his words sent chills through my body; I moved back a few steps of what I considered to be a safe enough distance, posing myself in a defensive stance. “What do you want!?” I asked imperatively, trying to maintain a control over the situation. “Well, nothing in particular, just something I noticed while coming here” He spoke meticulously as he moved closer to my position. Slam!!! I could feel the tree’s hard surface on my back; he had slammed me, and now was holding me tightly against the tree. “You know what I mean, right?” He retorted in a maniacal manner, making direct eye contact; His eyes felt like snake slits inspecting my very soul; I tried my best to loosen the strong grip, but to no avail, his hands pressed my skin in a manner that it was impossible for me to make a viable break. “He can’t mean…..but how!?” I closed my eyes in utter shame, still feeling the strong grip of his arms forcing me against the tree. “Yes, it was pretty obvious; you are in love….. With another boy” He spat maniacally, laughing uncontrollably at my misery. After he had his merry laughs, I could only close my eyes in shame and disgust, anger and pain, it wasn’t just the fact that he was holding me against my will or that he knew my secret, it was more, the fact that I could never say it out loud was the thing that bothered me the most. “But Imagine, popular little Richard, such a strong secret could ruin your life forever, but don’t worry your little secret is safe with me….I just wanted to...” He stopped for a moment while his facial expressions returned to a calmer state, and his grip loosened, letting one of my arms free. “I just want to do this…” He looked at me directly, letting his face become closer to mine. A kiss…. He pressed his lips against mine slightly; they were very soft and almost succulent, and his mouth tasted like something calm and intoxicating almost like some concentrated nectar. I felt intoxicated from the taste, He had let his grip loose, now could be the time to escape. I maneuvered away from his grip and moved farther away from where he stood, placing myself in a position where if needed to I could run away, but I wanted answers. “Okay…okay…you love him, but if you do then maybe you should stop playing the part of the good little boy, and just accept it” He shrugged as he smirked sheepishly. “What, you come to school for two days and you think you know me!?” I spat angrily at the auburn haired kid in front of me, at that exact moment I didn’t know how to feel, and so I just ran, finally letting the tears flow. “Run….cry” the only two things my mind could dictate, the only two things I could will myself to do, running and running, slight tears falling. “heh…..Don’t cry so much….it’ll be over very soon”, Sinister thoughts crawled through an unfinished mind. I ran and ran, through each wall that looked identical to the next, each step felt like a drop down to hell, as my breath could barely hold out ,the for some reason excruciating task of running anymore. “Why does he know, sooner or later I would have to face it, but why so soon, it’s not fair….it’s not okay.”Leaning against a wall to rest made me realize my breathing was forcefully stopping, and my vision was getting blurry. “What’s, happening to me!?” To top things of, now it felt like I was going to die. “Ha…hah…..it’ll all be over soon, no need to worry about anything….” “I don’t want to feel like this!” I yelled brusquely with barely any strength to do so, it felt as if I really was dying; but I didn’t want to die here with so many things left unsaid. “Why is this happening to me!?” I whimpered falling to the ground with barely any air left to breathe. My vision was getting darker, and at this rate I would probably die for a reason I couldn’t understand, I would die under the now starry night. “At least there are stars tonight….”, I though as if to comfort myself to the idea of death. “Alphonse I….l-“I could no longer think, my vision was dark and it felt like every light had been erased….I would see no more light today….. Drip… My breathing feels heavy, my head hurts so much. Drip… I can’t see straight, I can barely hear anything. Rain…. “Help!” , I screamed in agony, as the drops of rain fell to the ground….a heavy rain, that wasn’t even roaring as it did so many times before as it fell. “Goodbye…..” My last thought as the rain fell slowly, no one would come to save me tonight, this was my entire fault, and I shouldn’t have heard what Faite had to say, not having to run away from everything. Drip… “It’s been fifteen minutes…” Just like that I could hear some heavy footsteps coming closer in my direction. “I leave you alone for a little while and you go get yourself lost!” The cocky grin, and the voice, even through my condition, I could recognize Alphonse’s voice. “You don’t look so good” He said remarking the obvious, but now with serious tone, but still keeping his prankster nature;I for some reason was feeling better, I thought I was going to die, and suddenly I felt like I actually wasn’t going to. The now muddy ground felt soft, under the dark sky, from which rain kept falling, slowly, almost as if a higher power made the rain slow it’s pace just for this moment. “Come on, I’m taking you to the hospital, you can’t go home looking half dead” He smirked; I only smiled slightly as a sick person does even when their energy is all drained. Like when children, by the hand, He lead, I followed, Nothing more, but he occasionally looked back with his cocky grin, and I smiled back, It may have been something like this that had shaken my emotions to the point of breakage, I wasn’t really sure what to call the feeling…but it was nice. “Just…like…children” I muttered slowly, almost without any strength behind the words. “Yeah, just like old times…” He said smiling, I wasn’t sure if he felt the same thing but it was a nice warm feeling. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “I hate the rain….” A sinister voice echoed through the dark rainy night. “Well…..I guess Destiny doesn’t play very fair with me” The last words were almost echoed as the sinister presence disappeared from the hill into the night.
Okay, okay, i will have to fix this because, the situation in it wasn't understood....okay...guess being too subtle is a bad thing. yeah, time to re-write. I'm not sure then how to make the transition from third to first.
